I had a dream
A dream about the sister we loved and lost33 total reviews
Comment from fluffnstuff
Nice write..really. Shortly after my best friend oftwentyone years died I had a dream that was so real...we talked all night long then she told me I had to go...wonderful write. Fluff
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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Nice write..really. Shortly after my best friend oftwentyone years died I had a dream that was so real...we talked all night long then she told me I had to go...wonderful write. Fluff
Comment Written 17-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your feedback
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Thank you for your feedback
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Amazing story about your sister and a dream of love. I have been in the Napa valley orchard of grapes in California outside of San Franciso. Your valley sounds beautiful. I love the rock and heart images. Your sister is a treasure as you are also. My husband's family is from England. I will tell him about the eye of the horse. God bless your memories. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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Amazing story about your sister and a dream of love. I have been in the Napa valley orchard of grapes in California outside of San Franciso. Your valley sounds beautiful. I love the rock and heart images. Your sister is a treasure as you are also. My husband's family is from England. I will tell him about the eye of the horse. God bless your memories. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2017
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Thanks for the six and for your feedback. There are many of these horses in southern England in the 1600's I think it was , every time a battle was won another horse was created. Some took the money and didn't complete the horse. I think they are carved out of a chalk quarry on the side of the hill. They are quite magnificent and HUGE!
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Thanks for the six and for your feedback. There are many of these horses in southern England in the 1600's I think it was , every time a battle was won another horse was created. Some took the money and didn't complete the horse. I think they are carved out of a chalk quarry on the side of the hill. They are quite magnificent and HUGE!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
We walk the Wiltshire Downs a lot, and the white horse in Westbury is one of our favourites. The next time we go, I'll remember your story and your sister. This is a lovely contest entry, it was a beautiful dream and I do believe that is the way we receive messages from our loved ones. Well done, and good luck in the contest! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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We walk the Wiltshire Downs a lot, and the white horse in Westbury is one of our favourites. The next time we go, I'll remember your story and your sister. This is a lovely contest entry, it was a beautiful dream and I do believe that is the way we receive messages from our loved ones. Well done, and good luck in the contest! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for being able to understand where we scattered Chrissy's ashes. There are a number of White horses, this is the one that she grew up with before immigrating to Australia with her parents.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You really have painted a beautiful dream with this story about your sister's visitation over the gorgeous Barossa Valley.I'm originally from Adelaide, now NQ but know and love this area. Chrissy holding one end of the rainbow, lovely thought. Good luck in the contest, really enjoyed this one.
cheers.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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You really have painted a beautiful dream with this story about your sister's visitation over the gorgeous Barossa Valley.I'm originally from Adelaide, now NQ but know and love this area. Chrissy holding one end of the rainbow, lovely thought. Good luck in the contest, really enjoyed this one.
cheers.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much.
Comment from rheabug
This is an excellent post for this entry. Thank you for sharing your amazing dream with the fanstory community. This shows real talent from your gifted pen. Hugs...
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017
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This is an excellent post for this entry. Thank you for sharing your amazing dream with the fanstory community. This shows real talent from your gifted pen. Hugs...
Comment Written 14-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017
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You are most welcome.😊
Comment from dmt1967
This is a touching and delightful story. I would try and refrain from using 'I' as this makes the story sound jerky. Good luck in the contest. I would also try to avoid words like 'was' and 'then.' Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017
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This is a touching and delightful story. I would try and refrain from using 'I' as this makes the story sound jerky. Good luck in the contest. I would also try to avoid words like 'was' and 'then.' Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2017
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Thank you I will manges
Comment from Drew Delaney
This is a nice story, though sad.
Thee are some edits that require attention. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out.
My darling Marie(. Don't cry.) fdon't cry, we will be together again one day. In the blink of an eye we are gone and when our time on earth is
I thought "wow what a powerful dream!" (I thought, wow, what a powerful dream! )no need for dialogue marks here, as the words are thoughts and not speech.
I think you have a nice entry for the contest. Let me know once you edit, and I will change the rating.
Drew
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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This is a nice story, though sad.
Thee are some edits that require attention. I hope you don't mind me pointing them out.
My darling Marie(. Don't cry.) fdon't cry, we will be together again one day. In the blink of an eye we are gone and when our time on earth is
I thought "wow what a powerful dream!" (I thought, wow, what a powerful dream! )no need for dialogue marks here, as the words are thoughts and not speech.
I think you have a nice entry for the contest. Let me know once you edit, and I will change the rating.
Drew
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you very much for your feedback. It was very well received. I have edited my work accordingly. Thank you for the offer to change your review.
Comment from Analie Shepherd
What a beautiful, meaningful dream for you. It is hard to rate, or review, something so deeply personal. The beauty of this story is more important than any structural or grammatical problems.
However, you have put the story here and asked for reviews, so I am going to assume you do want some feedback. Here goes ...
In the first paragraph you use the word "across" twice. Perhaps changing one of them would make sense?
In the third paragraph you use a semi colon ... with a sentence fragment after it.
" to commence picking for the day". A semi colon is used to connect two complete sentences that relate to each other. For instance -
"He couldn't work any more that afternoon; the day was too hot for man or beats."
There has to be a subject and verb on either side of the semi colon. It is tricky and even the very best writers get it wrong sometimes.
One more thing ... you have the phrase "This included street art and graffiti art ..." You don't really need the word "art" to be added to graffiti. If you left art off in, 'street art', it wouldn't make sense ... but the word graffiti is complete, and we know what it is, so the word "art" is not needed.
So, just a few suggestions to help you improve your writing ... however, your heart and your memory of this beautiful story about your dear sister, do not need improving in any way!
Blessings, Analie
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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What a beautiful, meaningful dream for you. It is hard to rate, or review, something so deeply personal. The beauty of this story is more important than any structural or grammatical problems.
However, you have put the story here and asked for reviews, so I am going to assume you do want some feedback. Here goes ...
In the first paragraph you use the word "across" twice. Perhaps changing one of them would make sense?
In the third paragraph you use a semi colon ... with a sentence fragment after it.
" to commence picking for the day". A semi colon is used to connect two complete sentences that relate to each other. For instance -
"He couldn't work any more that afternoon; the day was too hot for man or beats."
There has to be a subject and verb on either side of the semi colon. It is tricky and even the very best writers get it wrong sometimes.
One more thing ... you have the phrase "This included street art and graffiti art ..." You don't really need the word "art" to be added to graffiti. If you left art off in, 'street art', it wouldn't make sense ... but the word graffiti is complete, and we know what it is, so the word "art" is not needed.
So, just a few suggestions to help you improve your writing ... however, your heart and your memory of this beautiful story about your dear sister, do not need improving in any way!
Blessings, Analie
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your feedback.
Comment from JDRBAR
to the vineyard; to commence picking for the day. (incorrect use of semi-colon. Use simple comma)
Looking down, I realised that the rock I was sitting on, was now earthy red, and I realised. (Omit first OR last "realize")
Beautifully written. Quite a tribute to your sister.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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to the vineyard; to commence picking for the day. (incorrect use of semi-colon. Use simple comma)
Looking down, I realised that the rock I was sitting on, was now earthy red, and I realised. (Omit first OR last "realize")
Beautifully written. Quite a tribute to your sister.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your feedback.
Comment from His Grayness
This is a really lovely work that brings back rich memories for me when I live in the Barossa, years ago. The writing is rich and colorful and the emotions flow wonderfully in this entire work! My thanks to this author for a wonderful memory and great works! HIS GRAYNESS
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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This is a really lovely work that brings back rich memories for me when I live in the Barossa, years ago. The writing is rich and colorful and the emotions flow wonderfully in this entire work! My thanks to this author for a wonderful memory and great works! HIS GRAYNESS
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for your feedback.
