The diner
Monologue13 total reviews
Comment from sunnilicious
That's a wild diner story. Social graces even in a diner count, especially when picking up a date or lover or whatever. Creative as you definitely thought outside the box. Good work. Good luck in the contest :)
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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That's a wild diner story. Social graces even in a diner count, especially when picking up a date or lover or whatever. Creative as you definitely thought outside the box. Good work. Good luck in the contest :)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2017
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Thank you so h.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is hilarious. I loved the way you've described this event. I think you placed in the contest. Good for you. Well deserved. Good rhyming (internal rhyme and end rhyming) and story line. Marilyn
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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This is hilarious. I loved the way you've described this event. I think you placed in the contest. Good for you. Well deserved. Good rhyming (internal rhyme and end rhyming) and story line. Marilyn
Comment Written 03-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2017
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Thank you so much.
Comment from dracofelsinensis
This one brought a smile to my face and I was glad that I gave it a try. Thanks!
A couple of suggestions: in verse one, put 'though' instead of 'although'? And in the penultimate verse, put 'brute' or 'hell' (or something with only one syllable) instead of 'monster'.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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This one brought a smile to my face and I was glad that I gave it a try. Thanks!
A couple of suggestions: in verse one, put 'though' instead of 'although'? And in the penultimate verse, put 'brute' or 'hell' (or something with only one syllable) instead of 'monster'.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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Thanks.
Comment from Possummagic
What a great poem titled at the diner. Your poem was filled with a great choice of words rhymes and phrases. I really enjoyed your poem and I wish you luck.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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What a great poem titled at the diner. Your poem was filled with a great choice of words rhymes and phrases. I really enjoyed your poem and I wish you luck.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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Thanks a lot for that really positive critique. We obviously have the same sense of humor. Take care.
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You're welcome.
Comment from pbomar1115
Consuming a lot of alcohol can have the strangest effect on some people. It can make you imagine things that are not, putting one out of touch with reality. Also, it can drown out the problems of the day, fixing one's mind on the more pleasurable matters. But most of all, it can get you into trouble if you are in the public. This is a well-crafted piece of writing. Great work.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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Consuming a lot of alcohol can have the strangest effect on some people. It can make you imagine things that are not, putting one out of touch with reality. Also, it can drown out the problems of the day, fixing one's mind on the more pleasurable matters. But most of all, it can get you into trouble if you are in the public. This is a well-crafted piece of writing. Great work.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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Thanks a lot for your very positive critique. I really appreciate it.
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You're welcome.
Phillip
Comment from humpwhistle
I'm guessing Sue won't miss this customer's company.
Four a.m. isn't a particularly good time to search out romance--
or to be slinging hash.
Monologue? I guess.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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I'm guessing Sue won't miss this customer's company.
Four a.m. isn't a particularly good time to search out romance--
or to be slinging hash.
Monologue? I guess.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 25-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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Thanks
Comment from c_lucas
Failure to behave
Can lead one into trouble
Drinks can cause the problem
Quick ordering doubles
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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Failure to behave
Can lead one into trouble
Drinks can cause the problem
Quick ordering doubles
***
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2017
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Thanks
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You're welcome.
Comment from smbau
I laughed after reading your monologue. It was written and the content flowed with active movement. Towards the end, you analogy and contrast between what one sees under influence and what they see in reality was comical and humorous. I think you used metaphors very well. Wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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I laughed after reading your monologue. It was written and the content flowed with active movement. Towards the end, you analogy and contrast between what one sees under influence and what they see in reality was comical and humorous. I think you used metaphors very well. Wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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Thank you very much for your comments.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
novel approach to this one which is normally the purview of the prose writer. The story is there though so that's fine.
it may have been better to have tried to maintain the rhyming scheme and rhythm through to the very end.
as I checkled out her rear - checked?
She said, "you just stop all that crap" should probably have a capital for the dialogue beginning.
Best of luck
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2017
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Hi there,
novel approach to this one which is normally the purview of the prose writer. The story is there though so that's fine.
it may have been better to have tried to maintain the rhyming scheme and rhythm through to the very end.
as I checkled out her rear - checked?
She said, "you just stop all that crap" should probably have a capital for the dialogue beginning.
Best of luck
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2017
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Thank you so much for pointing out my mistakes. I am ashamed to admit that I obviously didn't check my work and will do so in the future. Rhyming and rhythm? Sorry, don't think so.
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You don't think it would be better to maintain the rhythm and rhyming to the end? I'm not being argumentative but I am interested in why you disagree with this comment - out of curiosity
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This monologue speaks poet placed all good dishes to a waitress at a dinar but at last he woke up facing the sky lying outside the diner with a monster, humorous; I liked.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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This monologue speaks poet placed all good dishes to a waitress at a dinar but at last he woke up facing the sky lying outside the diner with a monster, humorous; I liked.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2017
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Thanks.
