2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "haiku (at the beach)"A collection of Japanese poetry
14 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend you have done well to paint a romantic scene of a bonfire on the beach well done I enjoyed good luck in the contest regards Jill
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Yes my friend you have done well to paint a romantic scene of a bonfire on the beach well done I enjoyed good luck in the contest regards Jill
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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thank you very much
gypsy
Comment from RobertaLee
Very nice haiku. Don't think the dashes at the end of the second line are at all necessary, or the comma. It is a lovely haiku and being able to read without the emphasis of punctuation adds opportunity to meander down the beach, for me anyway. Thanks so much for sharing, and best of everything in the contest.
Smiles,
Roberta
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Very nice haiku. Don't think the dashes at the end of the second line are at all necessary, or the comma. It is a lovely haiku and being able to read without the emphasis of punctuation adds opportunity to meander down the beach, for me anyway. Thanks so much for sharing, and best of everything in the contest.
Smiles,
Roberta
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend. Kireji, or the dashes after the second line, is an important part of haiku. It's called ''cutting'' and it gives a chance to pause before the satori, last line.
Gypsy
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And I certainly thank you for the education. I was told that haiku form has become much less structured, and not knowing much about them myself appreciate that I now know a bit more than 'not much.' Thanks again.
Smiles
Comment from robyn corum
Ooohhh... I like this! A delightful poem with very 'warm' images that provokes a lovely scene AND a broad smile. It's the best poem I have read so far in this contest.
We will be renewing our search for haiku for our next anthology in September. I hope you will watch closely and send this poem to me by PM so that it may be considered when the right topic is offered. *smile* I truly love it and think it would make the cut! Thanks!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Ooohhh... I like this! A delightful poem with very 'warm' images that provokes a lovely scene AND a broad smile. It's the best poem I have read so far in this contest.
We will be renewing our search for haiku for our next anthology in September. I hope you will watch closely and send this poem to me by PM so that it may be considered when the right topic is offered. *smile* I truly love it and think it would make the cut! Thanks!
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Wow, it's the best proposition I had all day.... hahaha... thank you, sweetie pie, I will be sure to keep it in mind.
Comment from Hayley Solomon
Lovely haiku, good end satori, very evocative, I can almost smell the marshmallows burning on the stick and the sound of the waves crashing at sea. Beautiful memories indeed
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Lovely haiku, good end satori, very evocative, I can almost smell the marshmallows burning on the stick and the sound of the waves crashing at sea. Beautiful memories indeed
Comment Written 09-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend, I appreciate the review. :)
Comment from Oatmeal
This was very nice. The theme was well chosen and the flow was good. The imagery is outstanding. This poem was arranged very well. The count looked fine. The words are descriptive.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
The words you chose worked well.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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This was very nice. The theme was well chosen and the flow was good. The imagery is outstanding. This poem was arranged very well. The count looked fine. The words are descriptive.
There was no SPAG. No typos. No homophones. No problems at all.
The words you chose worked well.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend, I appreciate the review. :)
Comment from miajaffri
A very nice Haiku in only fifteen syllables. It brings back good family
memories for me when all the aunts, uncles, and cousins gathered at the
beach for a summer evening around the bonfire.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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A very nice Haiku in only fifteen syllables. It brings back good family
memories for me when all the aunts, uncles, and cousins gathered at the
beach for a summer evening around the bonfire.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2017
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thank you very much, my friend, you are very kind.
Comment from Irish Rain
Sounds absolutely perfect!! Can we throw in some hotdogs?? They're sorta romantic. Ok, not....but I'm hungry. LOVED your haiku for this contest, awesome picture!! Blessings...
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2017
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Sounds absolutely perfect!! Can we throw in some hotdogs?? They're sorta romantic. Ok, not....but I'm hungry. LOVED your haiku for this contest, awesome picture!! Blessings...
Comment Written 07-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2017
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Thank you for the review and kind words my friend.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku. Wonderful nlmemories are made when people come together at the beach beside a big crackling bonfire. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2017
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A very well-written haiku. Wonderful nlmemories are made when people come together at the beach beside a big crackling bonfire. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2017
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thank you very much for the lovely review.
Comment from rspoet
The is an excellent entry for the contest
with good syllables and s/l/s form
Excellent imagery in the beach/bonfire
that many will relate to
Plus a solid reflective satori line
and use of the em dash
as a kireji cutting device
Well done
Good luck in the voting
RS
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2017
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The is an excellent entry for the contest
with good syllables and s/l/s form
Excellent imagery in the beach/bonfire
that many will relate to
Plus a solid reflective satori line
and use of the em dash
as a kireji cutting device
Well done
Good luck in the voting
RS
Comment Written 07-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2017
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thank you very much for the lovely review.
Comment from B.B. Rose
Pleasant and nicely stated. I think brevity is so important with haiku and you have nicely achieved that. I've never lived around water, so have no experience with beaches. Thank you for an image of one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2017
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Pleasant and nicely stated. I think brevity is so important with haiku and you have nicely achieved that. I've never lived around water, so have no experience with beaches. Thank you for an image of one.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2017
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thank you but may I ask why you gave me a four? where did I fall short?