Do You Know Who I Am?
Underestimated Wife11 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
Great story! Really enjoyed this one.
I was enjoying a quiet evening reading your works and found nugget. I was shocked that this contest winner had no Six Star Rating. Injustice I say! I have righted that wrong with my much coveted Saturday Night Six Star.
Mission accomplished. The universe has been righted. Ha!
D
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Great story! Really enjoyed this one.
I was enjoying a quiet evening reading your works and found nugget. I was shocked that this contest winner had no Six Star Rating. Injustice I say! I have righted that wrong with my much coveted Saturday Night Six Star.
Mission accomplished. The universe has been righted. Ha!
D
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend this is well written I enjoyed they say opposites attract but this was a definitely a doomed relationship from the start well done good luck regards Jill
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Yes my friend this is well written I enjoyed they say opposites attract but this was a definitely a doomed relationship from the start well done good luck regards Jill
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Now this is the first one I've read that actually has something of surprise at the end.
Couple of things I noticed-
I think whacked is more common than wacked in this context.
top mobster in New York Gambino - in the...
at arms length - arm's.
believed he could so whatever he wanted, - could do.
questioned his loyalty to his blood, several died, daring to question his loyalty - this is a little awkward due to the repetition.
he felt liquid splash on his face. He turned to see his driver's head explode, showering him with blood and grey matter - what liquid was he hit with. The sequencing here may be off. he wouldn't have gotten splashed before the head exploded.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Hi there,
Now this is the first one I've read that actually has something of surprise at the end.
Couple of things I noticed-
I think whacked is more common than wacked in this context.
top mobster in New York Gambino - in the...
at arms length - arm's.
believed he could so whatever he wanted, - could do.
questioned his loyalty to his blood, several died, daring to question his loyalty - this is a little awkward due to the repetition.
he felt liquid splash on his face. He turned to see his driver's head explode, showering him with blood and grey matter - what liquid was he hit with. The sequencing here may be off. he wouldn't have gotten splashed before the head exploded.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
Comment from Dean Kuch
"The Gambino family took him in as a Lieutenant, but kept him at arms length so they could determine if hehas (had) what it took to move up in the organization." ... You've used past tense everywhere in this sentence save for the word "has". I'd suggest changing it to "had." ...
"When he did, he was drunk, high, or smelled ofthe scents of cheap women." ... When he (eventually) did, he was drunk, high, or smelled of cheap women. ... (just a suggested edit for flow)
Well, I've heard of shotgun weddings before, but good golly, Miss Molly!
I guess this lovely couple will no longer be in need of the services of a good divorce attorney. I coulda pointed 'em in the right direction, had they asked...
Best wishes to you in the contest.
~Dean :)
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"The Gambino family took him in as a Lieutenant, but kept him at arms length so they could determine if he
"When he did, he was drunk, high, or smelled of
Well, I've heard of shotgun weddings before, but good golly, Miss Molly!
I guess this lovely couple will no longer be in need of the services of a good divorce attorney. I coulda pointed 'em in the right direction, had they asked...
Best wishes to you in the contest.
~Dean :)
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is an excellent story. Obviously, everyone else likes it too. I see that you're running away with the contest. Congratulations. Here's hoping you have a strong finish.
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This is an excellent story. Obviously, everyone else likes it too. I see that you're running away with the contest. Congratulations. Here's hoping you have a strong finish.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I liked the ending... he got what he deserved. I wonder why his wife put up with him for so long. She could have shot him long ago, or had someone else do it. :)
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I liked the ending... he got what he deserved. I wonder why his wife put up with him for so long. She could have shot him long ago, or had someone else do it. :)
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Wow this really was a surprise ending. You have fully surprised me and this story is very well written. It stayed interesting throughout the whole story and what a twist!
I never expected his wife to be from a mob family also but the head of the NY Chinese Triad. (Awesome twist)
"I know exactly who you are. You are a low life, low level mobster in the Gambino family. But, do you know who I really am? I am Judi Chan, the head of the NY Chinese Triad. I have had to let you violate me, treat me like shit, and put up with your vile behavior. That is over. We are getting a divorce tonight."
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Wow this really was a surprise ending. You have fully surprised me and this story is very well written. It stayed interesting throughout the whole story and what a twist!
I never expected his wife to be from a mob family also but the head of the NY Chinese Triad. (Awesome twist)
"I know exactly who you are. You are a low life, low level mobster in the Gambino family. But, do you know who I really am? I am Judi Chan, the head of the NY Chinese Triad. I have had to let you violate me, treat me like shit, and put up with your vile behavior. That is over. We are getting a divorce tonight."
Comment Written 06-Jul-2017
Comment from Number11
Surprise! I had my eyes wide open and this style is cool, it sets up the ending action nicely! I know you were short on word time but if you'd had some more wiggle room I would have liked to see it done with more dialogue and some scenes of them together, I'd like to read the change over time, and then the dutiful wife goes berserk! Nice read and very enjoyable!
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Surprise! I had my eyes wide open and this style is cool, it sets up the ending action nicely! I know you were short on word time but if you'd had some more wiggle room I would have liked to see it done with more dialogue and some scenes of them together, I'd like to read the change over time, and then the dutiful wife goes berserk! Nice read and very enjoyable!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
--Well, it turns out that she didn't leave him. He left her instead, just not the way he would have expected.
After reading this, I find that it is a good story. The ending really surprised me.
Great title: 'Do You Know Who I Am?' Apparently, he didn't know who she was.
Good artwork. The image shown supports the story.
This story follows the guidelines of the contest and makes a good entry.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your version of Surprise Me.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
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--Well, it turns out that she didn't leave him. He left her instead, just not the way he would have expected.
After reading this, I find that it is a good story. The ending really surprised me.
Great title: 'Do You Know Who I Am?' Apparently, he didn't know who she was.
Good artwork. The image shown supports the story.
This story follows the guidelines of the contest and makes a good entry.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your version of Surprise Me.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
Comment from royowen
An excellent entry in this "surprise me" writing contest. What a shock for poor old Joe Malzone who thought the world bowed its knee to him. He was married to a female member of a Chinese triad, but I suppose assassination is one final way of getting a divorce, good characters, theme and plot, good luck in the contest, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo ;: but kept (him) at armk(')s length.
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An excellent entry in this "surprise me" writing contest. What a shock for poor old Joe Malzone who thought the world bowed its knee to him. He was married to a female member of a Chinese triad, but I suppose assassination is one final way of getting a divorce, good characters, theme and plot, good luck in the contest, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo ;: but kept (him) at armk(')s length.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
