Reviews from

Deja Vu

Did You Hear That-sentence starts the story.

13 total reviews 
Comment from BeasPeas
Excellent
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This is a great story. I can see why you won first prize in the contest. The only inconsistency I see is that she told him they couldn't make love because... and later they did anyway. Well done. No witnesses. Congratulations on your win. Marilyn

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 27-Dec-2017
    Thanks much for reading.
Comment from Contests

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A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry.

 Comment Written 15-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 15-Dec-2017
    Wow, thanks so much!
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Excellent
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This meets the contest requirements splendidly with the appropriate opening line. Great story from start to finish. The only winner in this one was the killer. All the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    Thanks so much for reading. Haven't been on the site much lately-too busy!
Comment from Brigitte Elko
Excellent
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This was an entertaining story for the contest "Did You Hear That?" The trials of a waning relationship is told in a way that many a reader could relate to it. I like the twist at the end of the story. It may be fiction but could very well be a true story.
One error you may wish to edit is : set up the tent instead of sat up the tent.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Brigitte



This was mysteriousset up the tent not sat up

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    Thanks much for the great correction and the 5 stars. Much appreciated.
Comment from Bill Schott
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Shades of Alfred Hitchcock, FB. This story had a great believability factor, nice character development, and a boffo conclusion that leaves us wondering if they put their campfire out properly. Neat story.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    Thanks so much, Bill. I am delighted to see this Christmas green star and enjoyed your entertaining review.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
Excellent
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This is a good entry for the 'This Sentence Starts the Story' contest.
It has twists and a tale.
The picture is a good match.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    Thanks so much for reading and for the 5 stars.
Comment from humpwhistle
Excellent
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Ah, the couple that conspires to kill one another . . .

A nice little twist at the end. Of all the hit-men in the Yellow Pages, these two had to pick the same one. I do love irony.

I made a few comments as I read.

Peace, Lee



Just then he slid on a wet part of the rock, to the rock Shelly...--this bit is a little confusing, I think.



When the second bottle of wine,(no comma) was opened they were...


This time(,) James quickly threw on a pair of sweats

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    Thanks much for the great corrections and the 5 stars.
Comment from sandramitchell
Excellent
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LOL!! That was sooooo good, JoAnn! The twist at the end was fabulous, they were both paying the same man to kill the other off! I could see that happening too. This is just like one of those 'Tales of the Unexpected' that we used to watch way, way back. I think you have a strong entry here, my friend. Well done and good luck! :) Sandra xxx

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    Thanks so much for the great comments and the 5 stars, my friend.
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
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Hi there,

I enjoyed this piece. Nice little double crossing on both parts. poor old James...lol

but she thought to herself, 'I'll show him." - it's generally a good idea to differentiate between thought and dialogue by using a different format. At present you use the double marks for both. if you are using the tag of 'thought' then you probably don't need the marks. Alternatively you could use the single marks or italics.

The moon was about half full so there was light among the shadows.- this is little of stating the obvious as without light there would be no shadows...

She lay down on the one inch thick pad, and felt a couple of rocks underneath. She pulled them out and threw them hard against the ground - this threw me a little as most tents these days have ground sheets, many sewn in.

Meanwhile, he sat up the tent - set up.

I's fun, come on up." - It's.

When the second bottle of wine, was opened - unnecessary comma here.

Shit, why did you have to do it. - probably need a question mark in here.




 Comment Written 02-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    Thanks for the great corrections and the 5 stars.
Comment from Paul Bownas
Excellent
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An excellent tale, and definitely a surprise ending! I enjoyed reading it, and I certainly never expected the ending! Unlike you, I didn't write anything longer than a postcard until I was 55, but I am certainly enjoying doing so now, as well as reading tales such as yours!

 Comment Written 01-Dec-2017


reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
    I will look forward to seeing yours, though I have not been on the site much lately-just too darn busy. Thanks for reading and the 5 stars.
reply by Paul Bownas on 07-Dec-2017
    You're welcome, have a Happy Christmas, and a prosperous New Year!