Listen Carefully
Denial can't hide the truth19 total reviews
Comment from hvysmker
I stared in the mirror, studying my face, makeup, lips and eyes. I was still frightened, not knowing what he would say. I paced in the receiving room, hearing my heels on the marble floor, waiting for him to arrive.
*** Three consecutive sentences starting with "I"?
That's not Chelsea Manning, is it?
Too brief, but then this is a 100 word Challenge.
Charlie
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I stared in the mirror, studying my face, makeup, lips and eyes. I was still frightened, not knowing what he would say. I paced in the receiving room, hearing my heels on the marble floor, waiting for him to arrive.
*** Three consecutive sentences starting with "I"?
That's not Chelsea Manning, is it?
Too brief, but then this is a 100 word Challenge.
Charlie
Comment Written 17-Jun-2017
Comment from frogbook
Very relevant and timely with a great powerful and surprising ending. Original and cleverly worded in these 100 words. A winner in my book.
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Very relevant and timely with a great powerful and surprising ending. Original and cleverly worded in these 100 words. A winner in my book.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2017
Comment from kathleenspalding
Oh! I never would have gotten it without the notes. Good one! Great action, dialogue and descriptions. Excellent choice of artwork. Only thing I could suggest is to trade a word for a final one at the end - "Brad?" (or something like that) Great story, and I agree with your notes. Thank you for writing and sharing!
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Oh! I never would have gotten it without the notes. Good one! Great action, dialogue and descriptions. Excellent choice of artwork. Only thing I could suggest is to trade a word for a final one at the end - "Brad?" (or something like that) Great story, and I agree with your notes. Thank you for writing and sharing!
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Oh yes I enjoyed your story and definitely didn't expect the ending great twist this is well written good luck in the contest regards Jill
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Oh yes I enjoyed your story and definitely didn't expect the ending great twist this is well written good luck in the contest regards Jill
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Nicely done in this short piece. You've boiled this down to the essence of the story, and kept just the main things there. The tension comes across at the start and the nervousness. The father's confusion and the end...
Nicely done
Best of luck
GMG
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Hi there,
Nicely done in this short piece. You've boiled this down to the essence of the story, and kept just the main things there. The tension comes across at the start and the nervousness. The father's confusion and the end...
Nicely done
Best of luck
GMG
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello my friend
I agree with you. Well done. In a few words you gave the reader a complete story with a meaningful plot. Good luck with the contest.
Gypsy
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Hello my friend
I agree with you. Well done. In a few words you gave the reader a complete story with a meaningful plot. Good luck with the contest.
Gypsy
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
Comment from BeasPeas
So true. You said a lot in this short piece. We are what we are and it is in the DNA from the moment of conception. Parents usually love their kids unconditionally. Marilyn
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So true. You said a lot in this short piece. We are what we are and it is in the DNA from the moment of conception. Parents usually love their kids unconditionally. Marilyn
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
Comment from Caressa_08
Oh, this is quite the story, and what a lot has been in the news, lately, with that no longer hiding in the closet, transgender people, it seems are letting others know and your story depicts that philosophy, especially, when something as this, would be known, most likely, in time to a parent...Really do like how you comprised this presentation very creatively in just 100 words, and it held my interest from beginning to the very surprising end.
Best Wishes for your entry...Caressa_08
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Oh, this is quite the story, and what a lot has been in the news, lately, with that no longer hiding in the closet, transgender people, it seems are letting others know and your story depicts that philosophy, especially, when something as this, would be known, most likely, in time to a parent...Really do like how you comprised this presentation very creatively in just 100 words, and it held my interest from beginning to the very surprising end.
Best Wishes for your entry...Caressa_08
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
Comment from lyenochka
Well done in bringing a suspenseful ending which also creates a story in the reader's mind as to what might have happened before. I thought there was a lot of words (for a 100 word story) spent on the makeup and dress but it became clear at the end.
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Well done in bringing a suspenseful ending which also creates a story in the reader's mind as to what might have happened before. I thought there was a lot of words (for a 100 word story) spent on the makeup and dress but it became clear at the end.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2017
Comment from RChapman
Brilliant - didn't see that coming!! This flows really well and is seemingly unaffected by the restraints on the word count. A story in 100 words can't be easy - but I think you've got it licked!
Good luck
:)
Rachel
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Brilliant - didn't see that coming!! This flows really well and is seemingly unaffected by the restraints on the word count. A story in 100 words can't be easy - but I think you've got it licked!
Good luck
:)
Rachel
Comment Written 02-Jun-2017
