Chickens, Life and Death
The way with chickens and men18 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Bill. This is a great story. You kept the suspense until the very end which makes for a great read. The flow is brilliant and the vocabulary has a like-able quality about it. Nicely penned xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi Bill. This is a great story. You kept the suspense until the very end which makes for a great read. The flow is brilliant and the vocabulary has a like-able quality about it. Nicely penned xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 12-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2017
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Hi KG - I always appreciate good reviews from writers I admire. Thanks for reaching back. Bill
Comment from Jay Squires
A fascinating little moral piece, Bill. I hope you targeted it to the children's market. It seems a good lesson piece
I made a few comments, suggestions and observations for your consideration:
You might have to eat it. [The agreement here is with "animals." Therefore, you need to change "it" to "them." It might be easier to change the sentence before to "name AN ANIMAL." Then "it" would fit perfectly.]
I don't know, a chicken is a chicken. [This is a minor "run-on" sentence, since you can't separate two complete sentences with a comma. So technically, you should use a semicolon, or a three-dot ellipsis. Your prose is so conversational here, I think I'd be a tad looser, and not worry about it.]
Ernest jerked his head back and forth and rather than walk, shuffled. For some reason, the other chickens hated him. [That's a good, concrete image.]
Walking over to take a look, it wasn't a lump. [This sentence, to me, is awkward. Somehow ... not being a lump was directly connected with the act of walking over. My suggestion would be to add "I saw" or "I realized" it wasn't a lump.]
We should have culled Ernest out a long time ago. Animals just don't cotton to others that are different, [Sounds like he's advocating "separate but equal" to me.]
Virge paused and said, "You remember [Paragraph spacing error.]
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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A fascinating little moral piece, Bill. I hope you targeted it to the children's market. It seems a good lesson piece
I made a few comments, suggestions and observations for your consideration:
You might have to eat it. [The agreement here is with "animals." Therefore, you need to change "it" to "them." It might be easier to change the sentence before to "name AN ANIMAL." Then "it" would fit perfectly.]
I don't know, a chicken is a chicken. [This is a minor "run-on" sentence, since you can't separate two complete sentences with a comma. So technically, you should use a semicolon, or a three-dot ellipsis. Your prose is so conversational here, I think I'd be a tad looser, and not worry about it.]
Ernest jerked his head back and forth and rather than walk, shuffled. For some reason, the other chickens hated him. [That's a good, concrete image.]
Walking over to take a look, it wasn't a lump. [This sentence, to me, is awkward. Somehow ... not being a lump was directly connected with the act of walking over. My suggestion would be to add "I saw" or "I realized" it wasn't a lump.]
We should have culled Ernest out a long time ago. Animals just don't cotton to others that are different, [Sounds like he's advocating "separate but equal" to me.]
Virge paused and said, "You remember [Paragraph spacing error.]
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Hi Jay - thanks so much for reading and for your suggesgtions. I'm writing a novella, this will be one of the chapters. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Thomas Bowling
When you live on a farm, you shouldn't name the animals. There's a good reason. You might have to eat it.
A friend named his cow Virgil Ackerman, after the pastor of his church. One day we wee having dinner. He asked If I liked the meal. It's Virgil Akerman.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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When you live on a farm, you shouldn't name the animals. There's a good reason. You might have to eat it.
A friend named his cow Virgil Ackerman, after the pastor of his church. One day we wee having dinner. He asked If I liked the meal. It's Virgil Akerman.
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Hi Thomas - thank you for reading and for your comments. I appreciate both! Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ah, finally a topic I know something about.
Raising chickens.
Every day, I fed them, made sure they had water and gathered eggs. ... Yes, very true... Every third day, the poop and straw needed raking and placed in a pile at the end of the garden.... Yes, again, also true (only in our case it's the flower bed). When it rained, it was necessary to run out and chase the chickens into the roost. The dumb things would stay out, look up at the rain with their mouths open and drown. ... Uh, no, not true. Despite the popular myth, and the fact that chickens truly are dumb animals, they still have sense enough to come in out of the rain. Ours do anyhow ...
The other chickens looked elegant and regal. They'd throw their butts up in the air, hold their heads high and strut. Ernest jerked his head back and forth and rather than walk, shuffled. For some reason, the other chickens hated him. ... Which is precisely why poor Ernest bobbed his head the way he did. The other chickens were pecking him silly! ...
"Sometimes critters kill one another because they're different. ... Yeah. It happens quite a bit with people too--the hatin' and the killin'...
Animals just don't cotton to others that are different, even of their own kind. It's just the way of life."
"Well, that's just stupid. It don't make any sense at all."
"No, I s'pose not. It's just the way with chickens. ... With all due respect, Mr. Gates, please see my comment above ...
We picked more figs. Virge paused again and said, "You know, when you think about what people do, chickens don't look so bad." ... Amen, Virge.
Amen...
Great story, bhogg. As a country boy myself, and having helped out on my Papaw's hog farm when I was a boy, I could totally relate.
My last six of the week goes to you, and gladly.
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Ah, finally a topic I know something about.
Raising chickens.
Every day, I fed them, made sure they had water and gathered eggs. ... Yes, very true... Every third day, the poop and straw needed raking and placed in a pile at the end of the garden.... Yes, again, also true (only in our case it's the flower bed). When it rained, it was necessary to run out and chase the chickens into the roost. The dumb things would stay out, look up at the rain with their mouths open and drown. ... Uh, no, not true. Despite the popular myth, and the fact that chickens truly are dumb animals, they still have sense enough to come in out of the rain. Ours do anyhow ...
The other chickens looked elegant and regal. They'd throw their butts up in the air, hold their heads high and strut. Ernest jerked his head back and forth and rather than walk, shuffled. For some reason, the other chickens hated him. ... Which is precisely why poor Ernest bobbed his head the way he did. The other chickens were pecking him silly! ...
"Sometimes critters kill one another because they're different. ... Yeah. It happens quite a bit with people too--the hatin' and the killin'...
Animals just don't cotton to others that are different, even of their own kind. It's just the way of life."
"Well, that's just stupid. It don't make any sense at all."
"No, I s'pose not. It's just the way with chickens. ... With all due respect, Mr. Gates, please see my comment above ...
We picked more figs. Virge paused again and said, "You know, when you think about what people do, chickens don't look so bad." ... Amen, Virge.
Amen...
Great story, bhogg. As a country boy myself, and having helped out on my Papaw's hog farm when I was a boy, I could totally relate.
My last six of the week goes to you, and gladly.
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Dean - thanks for reading and for your kind and generous review. On the chickens and rain, I took poetic lisence. It actually is turkeys who will do that. Regards, Bill
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Haha, no worries, Bill. Lots of farmers around these parts still believe that old wives tale themselves.
You're more than welcome, my
~Dean
Comment from Rasmine
Thank you, for sharing this. I'm going to be writing my next children's book trying to talk about differences and how it is something to celebrate. I hope I live up to your example, here.
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thank you, for sharing this. I'm going to be writing my next children's book trying to talk about differences and how it is something to celebrate. I hope I live up to your example, here.
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thanks for reading and for your kind comments. I appreciate both! Bill
Comment from Cindy Warren
Chickens are about the dumbest critters on the planet. They don't know anything. People should know better. What's wrong with being different? Life would be dull if we were all the same.
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Chickens are about the dumbest critters on the planet. They don't know anything. People should know better. What's wrong with being different? Life would be dull if we were all the same.
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thanks Cindy - I appreciate your reading and also your comments. Bill
Comment from Mustang Patty
oh yes - compared to chickens, the human race is much more severe in their treatment of the 'different' ones. It has gone on since the beginning of time.
Your story tells a great deal within the lines and it was an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this well penned piece,
~patty~
I didn't see any nits or SPAG
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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oh yes - compared to chickens, the human race is much more severe in their treatment of the 'different' ones. It has gone on since the beginning of time.
Your story tells a great deal within the lines and it was an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing this well penned piece,
~patty~
I didn't see any nits or SPAG
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thanks for reading Patty and for your kind comments. I appreciate both. Bill
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
An enjoyable story with a message, Bill. I love the character, Virge
I sometimes think I prefer animals to some people - the way they act.
ninety-year-old
"No, I spose' not
"No, I s'pose not
Virge shook his head yes. "You is right. - shaking head indicates no - might I suggest simply: Virge nodded. "You is right
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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An enjoyable story with a message, Bill. I love the character, Virge
I sometimes think I prefer animals to some people - the way they act.
ninety-year-old
"No, I spose' not
"No, I s'pose not
Virge shook his head yes. "You is right. - shaking head indicates no - might I suggest simply: Virge nodded. "You is right
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thanks for reading Margaret, both for reading and your editing suggestions. I appreciate both!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a good piece. Speaks sense is a plain and understandable way.
Couple of things I noticed when reading-
No, I spose' not. It's just the way with chickens - I think the abbreviation here should be presented as s'pose as there is no contraction at the end but missing letters after the 's'.
"I Don't know." - don't. Also this and the following piece of dialogue would probably be presented better as in the same speech.
You do this a few times. When you continued dialogue on a separate line/paragraph you shouldn't close off the previous one with closing speech marks. You only need one set of closing marks at the very end. Otherwise it gives the impression that it is another speaker which can be confusing for the reader.
why do you suppose the Germans - you should probably use the contraction here of s'pose which you used earlier to keep the idioms of speech consistent.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Hi there,
This is a good piece. Speaks sense is a plain and understandable way.
Couple of things I noticed when reading-
No, I spose' not. It's just the way with chickens - I think the abbreviation here should be presented as s'pose as there is no contraction at the end but missing letters after the 's'.
"I Don't know." - don't. Also this and the following piece of dialogue would probably be presented better as in the same speech.
You do this a few times. When you continued dialogue on a separate line/paragraph you shouldn't close off the previous one with closing speech marks. You only need one set of closing marks at the very end. Otherwise it gives the impression that it is another speaker which can be confusing for the reader.
why do you suppose the Germans - you should probably use the contraction here of s'pose which you used earlier to keep the idioms of speech consistent.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thanks for reading and for your editing comments. I appreciate both! Bill
Comment from apky
Animals just don't cotton to others that are different, even of their own kind. It's just the way of life.
~ I'd say this is true of most humans too, even today.
My own family seem divided along the same lines, even if they're too "enlightened" to come out with it straight.
Enjoyable read,
Apky
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Animals just don't cotton to others that are different, even of their own kind. It's just the way of life.
~ I'd say this is true of most humans too, even today.
My own family seem divided along the same lines, even if they're too "enlightened" to come out with it straight.
Enjoyable read,
Apky
Comment Written 23-May-2017
reply by the author on 23-May-2017
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Thanks for reading and for your kind comments. I appreciate both. Bill
