You Say The Name Is Gabriel?
A historical surprise.6 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Oh Maria what an absolute gem of a story!!!!!!!!!! It's the most perfect explanation ever of the story of Jesus. Understandable, eloquent, instantly understood and recognized. Perfect ... Wonderful work in this one! xoxo Kiwi (deborah)
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Oh Maria what an absolute gem of a story!!!!!!!!!! It's the most perfect explanation ever of the story of Jesus. Understandable, eloquent, instantly understood and recognized. Perfect ... Wonderful work in this one! xoxo Kiwi (deborah)
Comment Written 30-May-2017
reply by the author on 30-May-2017
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Thanks so much for your kind review, Deborah.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You have rewritten this biblical historical story into todays language that we can all follow easily. You make Mary and Joseph sound like any other quiet, shy couple that have bee given some unexpected news.
Joseph presumable had heard of Gabriel and already knew the significance of his visit to Mary hence his reaction. Well told and good luck in the contest.
cheers.
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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You have rewritten this biblical historical story into todays language that we can all follow easily. You make Mary and Joseph sound like any other quiet, shy couple that have bee given some unexpected news.
Joseph presumable had heard of Gabriel and already knew the significance of his visit to Mary hence his reaction. Well told and good luck in the contest.
cheers.
Comment Written 14-May-2017
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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Thanks for reading, Pearl.
Comment from Janilou
A very sweet re-telling of one of the oldest stories.
Notes:
He was hardworking. Most mornings, he would be in his workshop by six, making a new table or fixing a door.
I don't think you need to tell us he was hardworking. Your next sentence makes that exceptionally clear.
'What? I love you and I'll love your baby. Besides, I'm an insignificant man and all of a sudden you've turned me into an essential part of history. Come here.'
This did pull me from your sweet story. It just didn't seem natural for him to say "Besides, I'm an insignificant man and all of a sudden you've turned me into an essential part of history....
He doesn't know yet that he is an essential part of history so it seems an odd comment for him to make.
Just a thought.
Hope this helps.
Jan
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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A very sweet re-telling of one of the oldest stories.
Notes:
He was hardworking. Most mornings, he would be in his workshop by six, making a new table or fixing a door.
I don't think you need to tell us he was hardworking. Your next sentence makes that exceptionally clear.
'What? I love you and I'll love your baby. Besides, I'm an insignificant man and all of a sudden you've turned me into an essential part of history. Come here.'
This did pull me from your sweet story. It just didn't seem natural for him to say "Besides, I'm an insignificant man and all of a sudden you've turned me into an essential part of history....
He doesn't know yet that he is an essential part of history so it seems an odd comment for him to make.
Just a thought.
Hope this helps.
Jan
Comment Written 14-May-2017
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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He knows. She's just told him the baby is going to save the world. And he's going to be that baby's adoptive father.
Thanks for your comments and for reading.
Comment from RodG
I really like how you interpreted this biblical story. YOU BRING JOSEPH AND MARY TO LIFE and make their courtship believable by even modern day standards. I especially like the final scene when Mary gives Joseph the news. One phrase, however, seems out of place for this story: he felt "out of his league."
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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I really like how you interpreted this biblical story. YOU BRING JOSEPH AND MARY TO LIFE and make their courtship believable by even modern day standards. I especially like the final scene when Mary gives Joseph the news. One phrase, however, seems out of place for this story: he felt "out of his league."
Comment Written 14-May-2017
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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Why do you say she was out of his league is out of place? You mean it sounds too modern for this story?
Thanks for reading, Rod.
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Yes. No where else do you use modern idiom.
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Yeah, you're right. I had thought about it myself. I'll change it.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well, a very interesting take on this well-known tale. Not too sure many puritans would appreciate the forwardness and brashness of the young woman thought. lol
Sounds like she got herself up the duff and tricked Joseph. mind you, he just seems to be bothered about his legacy and place in History more than anything else...
Nice inventiveness.
GMG
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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Hi there,
Well, a very interesting take on this well-known tale. Not too sure many puritans would appreciate the forwardness and brashness of the young woman thought. lol
Sounds like she got herself up the duff and tricked Joseph. mind you, he just seems to be bothered about his legacy and place in History more than anything else...
Nice inventiveness.
GMG
Comment Written 14-May-2017
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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So you don't trust the poor innocent woman then? You think her angel story is made up? :)
Thanks for your fun review.
Comment from mbroyles2
A nice take on this contest and a modern twist to this historical event.
We can only imagine what Joseph must have felt.
Lovely writing.
Good luck in the contest Michael
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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A nice take on this contest and a modern twist to this historical event.
We can only imagine what Joseph must have felt.
Lovely writing.
Good luck in the contest Michael
Comment Written 14-May-2017
reply by the author on 14-May-2017
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Thanks for your kind review.
