The Place of Seasons
Describing a place I know contest13 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
A place of seasons and the final season is such a terrific way of describing a cemetery. This is an exceptionally well written story and I can certainly see why it won the 'Sense of Place' short story contest. Congrats on your well deserved win!
This short story really touches the heart. It is a bittersweet write that tells of a love that holds a place in the heart, that still after many years brings out a hurt at its loss. A terrific story that was a pleasure to read! ~ ~ Connie
reply by the author on 17-May-2017
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A place of seasons and the final season is such a terrific way of describing a cemetery. This is an exceptionally well written story and I can certainly see why it won the 'Sense of Place' short story contest. Congrats on your well deserved win!
This short story really touches the heart. It is a bittersweet write that tells of a love that holds a place in the heart, that still after many years brings out a hurt at its loss. A terrific story that was a pleasure to read! ~ ~ Connie
Comment Written 17-May-2017
reply by the author on 17-May-2017
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Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging review.
Comment from red6560
Beautifully written. Can envision the scene very well. I am so sad for the main characters loss. I got a little teary eyed thinking of our own mortality. Best wishes to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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Beautifully written. Can envision the scene very well. I am so sad for the main characters loss. I got a little teary eyed thinking of our own mortality. Best wishes to you in the contest.
Comment Written 14-May-2017
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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Thanks so much. It's been a long 30 years of visits.
Comment from Rasmine
Good description. This makes me think, I moved and now am so far from my grandparents and mother's grave, It will take me a long time to get to the cemetery, but I'll do it. Living here is worth it.
I hope you are doing okay. Happy Mother's Day.
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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Good description. This makes me think, I moved and now am so far from my grandparents and mother's grave, It will take me a long time to get to the cemetery, but I'll do it. Living here is worth it.
I hope you are doing okay. Happy Mother's Day.
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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Oh yes and thanks for asking and your thoughtful review.
Comment from Heather Knight
This is beautifully written. I felt as if I was there with you. Is it a true story? If so, I'm sorry for your loss.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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This is beautifully written. I felt as if I was there with you. Is it a true story? If so, I'm sorry for your loss.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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Yes, true but many years between. I just try not to break my promise. I visit my Dad's mausoleum mostly same days. Just like to leave flowers to remember them. Thanks so much.
Comment from JDRBAR
A sad place to describe. However, your feelings are most evident. There are numerous nits, but most of them simply have to do with comma placement, making them an easy fix.
The snow falling, the wind sharp. (not a sentence) It really felt so appropriate to the occasion. (you start with how it looks in winter, saying it is appropriate for your visit, then describe flowers?)
Of course, (comma not needed)it's always quiet, strangely so, with the sound of outside traffic seemingly obliterated, (not needed) as soon as one drives through the gates.
is near the road so,(comma should precede the word so) no need to walk
Snickers, ( so as not) as not to have him
flowers, that I promised would (flowers is plural so use "these")
This (these) twenty-seven years. (comma) I have kept that
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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A sad place to describe. However, your feelings are most evident. There are numerous nits, but most of them simply have to do with comma placement, making them an easy fix.
The snow falling, the wind sharp. (not a sentence) It really felt so appropriate to the occasion. (you start with how it looks in winter, saying it is appropriate for your visit, then describe flowers?)
Of course, (comma not needed)it's always quiet, strangely so, with the sound of outside traffic seemingly obliterated, (not needed) as soon as one drives through the gates.
is near the road so,(comma should precede the word so) no need to walk
Snickers, ( so as not) as not to have him
flowers, that I promised would (flowers is plural so use "these")
This (these) twenty-seven years. (comma) I have kept that
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-May-2017
reply by the author on 15-May-2017
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Thanks. I will look at those.
Comment from apky
>>He senses it is [a - delete] not a time for play, and rides limp in my arms.<<
>>Occasionally after all this time, and life's difficulties, I say a bit angrily, 'Why did you have to leave me, when we were so young?' But, then I usually equivocate with an, 'I love you.'<<
The above so beautifully summarizes as well as actually tell an entire story of the relationship as it was, is now, and will be in the future. And you have great evocative descriptions.
Excellent,
Apky
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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>>He senses it is [a - delete] not a time for play, and rides limp in my arms.<<
>>Occasionally after all this time, and life's difficulties, I say a bit angrily, 'Why did you have to leave me, when we were so young?' But, then I usually equivocate with an, 'I love you.'<<
The above so beautifully summarizes as well as actually tell an entire story of the relationship as it was, is now, and will be in the future. And you have great evocative descriptions.
Excellent,
Apky
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thanks so much. I truly appreciate your helpful and lovely review.
Comment from Mabaker
Enjoy the garden while you can then rest among the flowers when your time arrives, have pity for those who won't rest among beautiful flowers so enjoy it. Sincerely Mabaker.
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Enjoy the garden while you can then rest among the flowers when your time arrives, have pity for those who won't rest among beautiful flowers so enjoy it. Sincerely Mabaker.
Comment Written 12-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thanks so much for reading.
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
This is an interesting read.
I can see that it gives a good description.
Good details.
The artwork supports the writing.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your Sense of Place.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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This is an interesting read.
I can see that it gives a good description.
Good details.
The artwork supports the writing.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Thanks for sharing your Sense of Place.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 11-May-2017
reply by the author on 12-May-2017
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Thanks so much for your thoughtful review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You convey the imagery very well, but more so the atmosphere of the place. the last paragraph is very good indeed, especially the first line of it.
with the sound of outside traffic seeming obliterated - perhaps seemingly here?
and oh, so quiet. / Of course, it's always quiet / few people quietly sit / He senses it is a quiet time - this is quite a bit of repetition for a short piece like this one. You could use silence for a couple of these.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Hi there,
You convey the imagery very well, but more so the atmosphere of the place. the last paragraph is very good indeed, especially the first line of it.
with the sound of outside traffic seeming obliterated - perhaps seemingly here?
and oh, so quiet. / Of course, it's always quiet / few people quietly sit / He senses it is a quiet time - this is quite a bit of repetition for a short piece like this one. You could use silence for a couple of these.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 11-May-2017
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Great ideas-thanks so much.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Your descriptive writing is excellent. You paint a picture with words that I could almost walk in. This is a very good contest entry and will place well.
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Your descriptive writing is excellent. You paint a picture with words that I could almost walk in. This is a very good contest entry and will place well.
Comment Written 11-May-2017
reply by the author on 11-May-2017
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Thanks so much for saying so. Appreciate you reading.
