2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "haiku (outside in the heat)"A collection of Japanese poetry
26 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written haiku. It seems to be just after winter where the trees are still bare but the heat of the summer is already enough asphyxiated the trees with the traffic fumes.
reply by the author on 06-May-2017
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A very well-written haiku. It seems to be just after winter where the trees are still bare but the heat of the summer is already enough asphyxiated the trees with the traffic fumes.
Comment Written 06-May-2017
reply by the author on 06-May-2017
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Thank you, Sandra, I'm grateful for your review.
Gypsy
Comment from l.raven
HI Gypsy, I have driven the road many times seeing trees that have died...and have said...it was because of the fumes from all the trucks and cars...they choke like we do...very well thought of sweet angel...and very well written...love ya Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 06-May-2017
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HI Gypsy, I have driven the road many times seeing trees that have died...and have said...it was because of the fumes from all the trucks and cars...they choke like we do...very well thought of sweet angel...and very well written...love ya Linda xxoo
Comment Written 06-May-2017
reply by the author on 06-May-2017
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Thank you, sweetie pie, how are you today? I appreciate that you took the time to read and review this haiku. Luv ya.
Gypsy hugs
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doing much better...thank you so much for all your kind thoughts...and you are so welcome sweet angel...xxoo love
Comment from bookishfabler
Wow, where do you live? Sounds like it might be a city or California. I am in a RV Park backed up to a canal. Very lovely and breezy. Nice Haiku
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 06-May-2017
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Wow, where do you live? Sounds like it might be a city or California. I am in a RV Park backed up to a canal. Very lovely and breezy. Nice Haiku
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 06-May-2017
reply by the author on 06-May-2017
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Thank you, Heidi, how are you today? I appreciate that you took the time to read and review this haiku. Your RV sounds lovely.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Rasmine
Good haiku. The poor tree! I'm so glad to be out of the city, but I live on a state road. The traffic is awful, but still, it is on the edge of the country.
Hope you have a great weekend.
reply by the author on 05-May-2017
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Good haiku. The poor tree! I'm so glad to be out of the city, but I live on a state road. The traffic is awful, but still, it is on the edge of the country.
Hope you have a great weekend.
Comment Written 05-May-2017
reply by the author on 05-May-2017
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from padumachitta
hi...the syllable count is spot on, for my accent anyway:-)
Presentation good...
ah memories: hot day on the East coast, that kind of can't breath feeling while walking down a main drag to go shopping...and seeing nature struggle as well,
padumachitta
reply by the author on 05-May-2017
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hi...the syllable count is spot on, for my accent anyway:-)
Presentation good...
ah memories: hot day on the East coast, that kind of can't breath feeling while walking down a main drag to go shopping...and seeing nature struggle as well,
padumachitta
Comment Written 05-May-2017
reply by the author on 05-May-2017
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Thank you very much. I appreciate your review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Marykelly
The tree in this poem seems like a metaphor for all living things trying to survive the polluted, steamy air of summertime. The use of the word pale gives depth to the poem since people who become ill, become pale and in this case the tree is like a substitute for humanity and becoming pale is like becoming sick with poisonous air.
reply by the author on 05-May-2017
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The tree in this poem seems like a metaphor for all living things trying to survive the polluted, steamy air of summertime. The use of the word pale gives depth to the poem since people who become ill, become pale and in this case the tree is like a substitute for humanity and becoming pale is like becoming sick with poisonous air.
Comment Written 04-May-2017
reply by the author on 05-May-2017
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Thank you, my friend, you are very kind.
Gypsy
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
A plight we dont think about, the trees and shrubs taking the blunt of the fumes. Summer setting as you take the two lines of imagery using heat and the paleness of the tree, then using the last line to dramatically tell the plight of the pale tree.
reply by the author on 04-May-2017
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A plight we dont think about, the trees and shrubs taking the blunt of the fumes. Summer setting as you take the two lines of imagery using heat and the paleness of the tree, then using the last line to dramatically tell the plight of the pale tree.
Comment Written 04-May-2017
reply by the author on 04-May-2017
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Thank you, my friend, I appreciate your review.
Gypsy Blue Rose
Haiku Instructor and member of the Haiku Society of America
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your 5-7-5 haiku--how lucky that "asphixiated" has five syllables! Your personifying the "pale tree" was quite effective--poor thing. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 04-May-2017
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I admired your 5-7-5 haiku--how lucky that "asphixiated" has five syllables! Your personifying the "pale tree" was quite effective--poor thing. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 04-May-2017
reply by the author on 04-May-2017
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Yeah, that was interesting. I didn't try to make this 5/7/5, it happened naturaly. In English, haiku can be less than 5/7/5 but you know that. Thank you very much, my friend. :)
Gypsy hugs
Haiku Instructor and member of the Haiku Society of America
Haiku 101 starts in June, see classroom for more details
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, we haven't only destroyed the air we breath, but polluted the whole water system and the atmosphere. Dog's won't even poop in their own place. Sorry, that sounds kind of gross. Thanks for another fine poem.
reply by the author on 04-May-2017
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Yes, we haven't only destroyed the air we breath, but polluted the whole water system and the atmosphere. Dog's won't even poop in their own place. Sorry, that sounds kind of gross. Thanks for another fine poem.
Comment Written 04-May-2017
reply by the author on 04-May-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend. :)
Gypsy hugs
Haiku Instructor and member of the Haiku Society of America
Haiku 101 starts in June, see classroom for more details
Comment from Mark Schardine
Its end with a very distressing note, and we realize that you chose to write about a very common event. Humanity does not often live in harmony with nature.
reply by the author on 04-May-2017
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Its end with a very distressing note, and we realize that you chose to write about a very common event. Humanity does not often live in harmony with nature.
Comment Written 04-May-2017
reply by the author on 04-May-2017
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Thank you very much, my friend. :)
Gypsy hugs
Haiku Instructor and member of the Haiku Society of America
Haiku 101 starts in June, see classroom for more details