Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 98 "The Rapids"Dawn of Chaos
27 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
The fragmented nature of your poem has flashes of brilliance, where the words chosen and their placement convey a visual image of great intensity. Two parts I particularly liked when read aloud were:
Clouds drop tears a tap wetting dry soil,
and
Sparkles in sinking high branches to fall,
blinking lights seen through the trees fly,
all crystals thinking, blues mate to pinks.
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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The fragmented nature of your poem has flashes of brilliance, where the words chosen and their placement convey a visual image of great intensity. Two parts I particularly liked when read aloud were:
Clouds drop tears a tap wetting dry soil,
and
Sparkles in sinking high branches to fall,
blinking lights seen through the trees fly,
all crystals thinking, blues mate to pinks.
Comment Written 10-May-2019
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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Glads aspects in this write were appealing to your interests, given revisions perhaps lacking segment might improve its presentation. Thanking you for your generous rate and welcomed comments.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I enjoy playing with word positions and the cadence of words in the sentences. This poem was especially fun to work with. I also prefer to read poetry aloud. Putting my two techniques together for this poem made it come alive more. This word placements seem to be jumbled a bit as they might be were they sitting on the ground on pieces of paper being pelted by raindrops. You have good use of alliteration and juxtaposition. In my book that I wrote Be Wee With Bea, Bea notices the sounds the pebbles make as they journey down through the rapids and she reflects upon the story they tell and your raindrops tell their story as they become a brook. Very cool writing.
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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I enjoy playing with word positions and the cadence of words in the sentences. This poem was especially fun to work with. I also prefer to read poetry aloud. Putting my two techniques together for this poem made it come alive more. This word placements seem to be jumbled a bit as they might be were they sitting on the ground on pieces of paper being pelted by raindrops. You have good use of alliteration and juxtaposition. In my book that I wrote Be Wee With Bea, Bea notices the sounds the pebbles make as they journey down through the rapids and she reflects upon the story they tell and your raindrops tell their story as they become a brook. Very cool writing.
Comment Written 10-May-2019
reply by the author on 14-May-2019
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I have my flaws in my writes, seemingly aspects that enchant the reader, other that baffle them completely. Glad you found a course pleasing to travel. Thanking you for your generous rate and touching views.
Comment from rspoet
Hello TPAC,
You have marvelous imagery in this free flowing form
much like the water itself as it makes its way downward.
You words capture to feel of the rain, streams, river.
Water always seeks the path of least resistance.
You have one line in stanza four out of place.
Otherwise, very well done
Robert
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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Hello TPAC,
You have marvelous imagery in this free flowing form
much like the water itself as it makes its way downward.
You words capture to feel of the rain, streams, river.
Water always seeks the path of least resistance.
You have one line in stanza four out of place.
Otherwise, very well done
Robert
Comment Written 09-May-2019
reply by the author on 15-May-2019
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Thanks for the heads up about this write, appreciate any response to improve my work conveyance, all still under constant revisions thanks to reviews as yours. Thanking you for your generous rate and warm sentiments.
Comment from JanPerry
A complex passage of nature. Perhaps hard to understand. "curling swift, bend to mow".
It's easy to lose your real message under such heavy descriptions.
reply by the author on 05-May-2019
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A complex passage of nature. Perhaps hard to understand. "curling swift, bend to mow".
It's easy to lose your real message under such heavy descriptions.
Comment Written 05-May-2019
reply by the author on 05-May-2019
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I feel you twelves ideals in a few words, swirling curls of rushing water, cutting into the soil as it goes, thanking you for your generous rate dispute, during revisions, appreciate your input on this work.
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Ok
Comment from OneKnouff
Your writing really gives the reader a sense of flowing along with rapids, falls, holes and eddies and certainly in the bigger picture, such is life. Well written. Thank you for sharing this one with us.
reply by the author on 05-May-2019
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Your writing really gives the reader a sense of flowing along with rapids, falls, holes and eddies and certainly in the bigger picture, such is life. Well written. Thank you for sharing this one with us.
Comment Written 05-May-2019
reply by the author on 05-May-2019
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Appreciate your statement, inspiring words viewed by me, wanting to connect to those my age, thanking you for your generous rate and warm sentiments.
Comment from Anntonette
I like the font a lot!
Imagery is presented descriptively!
I love how each stanza balances out the other by having the same amount of lines.
Great use of personification as well.
Neat!
- Anntonette J
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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I like the font a lot!
Imagery is presented descriptively!
I love how each stanza balances out the other by having the same amount of lines.
Great use of personification as well.
Neat!
- Anntonette J
Comment Written 04-May-2019
reply by the author on 04-May-2019
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Glad aspects in this write were captivating to your interests, thanking you for your generous rate and welcomed comments.
Comment from heavenempress
Hi, best piece of work. I liked the great passion in your writing. The image is so beautiful and attractive. Well laid out work. I highly recommend your work to others.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Hi, best piece of work. I liked the great passion in your writing. The image is so beautiful and attractive. Well laid out work. I highly recommend your work to others.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2019
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Glad aspects in this write were captivating to your interests, hoping future revisions elimates flaws. Thanking you for your generous rate and warm sentiments.
Comment from Maria Millsaps
My suggestion:
Fearless tiny drops, air to soar brethren,
from darken skies, as heavy rain to roar,
falls together each an independent oar.
Fearless tiny drops, air to soar brethren,
from darken skies, as heavy rain roar(s),
together each an independent oar.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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My suggestion:
Fearless tiny drops, air to soar brethren,
from darken skies, as heavy rain to roar,
falls together each an independent oar.
Fearless tiny drops, air to soar brethren,
from darken skies, as heavy rain roar(s),
together each an independent oar.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Great assist sis, appreciate the guidance, thanking you, dispute flaws, for your generous rate and welcomed comments.
Comment from Beri Bee
This is such a beautiful story. Rain to rapids. My two favorite lines are Blues mate to pink and among creatures tingles are beloved. The whole of all this together is powerful. The way you describe a drop to a torrent. My mind is boggled.
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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This is such a beautiful story. Rain to rapids. My two favorite lines are Blues mate to pink and among creatures tingles are beloved. The whole of all this together is powerful. The way you describe a drop to a torrent. My mind is boggled.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 02-May-2019
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Hit my head alot young, lots of swishing in the brain, glad aspects in this write were captivating to your interests. Thanking you for your generous rate and warm sentiments.
Comment from KyColonel Randal
Thank you for sharing this poem. You presentation is nice: the illustration along with the larger font size give your poem a professional look. The syntax is unnatural and distracting; I would recommend finding a way to make your phrases come across more natural sounding.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Thank you for sharing this poem. You presentation is nice: the illustration along with the larger font size give your poem a professional look. The syntax is unnatural and distracting; I would recommend finding a way to make your phrases come across more natural sounding.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2019
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Revisions have already been undertaken, learning proper grammar expression, thanking you for your generous rate and welcomed comments.
