Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I admired your biographical narrative in this haibun. My son was born in Sacramento and developed his passion for trains there--so, your historic photograph was especially appealing. I hope the days brighten soon. Hugs- Joan

 Comment Written 21-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 21-Apr-2017

Hello, Joan, your son is from Sacramento? Wow, that is interesting. Thank you for reading. :)

Gypsy

reply by Joan E. on 21-Apr-2017

We lived there for thirteen years, from the 70's to the 80's when my husband worked for the Legislature. It was an easy place to rear a family. -Joan

reply by the author on 21-Apr-2017

Oh, okay. I bet you like where you live now better. I would rather live by the ocean.

reply by Joan E. on 21-Apr-2017

Well, I thought I would not return to the smog and congestion of the Los Angeles, and we lived on a lake in Sacramento. But life has been good to us in Southern California, and living by the Pacific never gets old! Hugs- Joan

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

I see a new class coming up. You've written a perfect example of a difficult style. No many people can write both prose and poetry, It's usually one or the other.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017

Thank you, Thomas, you are very kind. I have classes every month. Thank you very much for reading, my friend :)

namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>Haiga class starts on May 1st <>

Comment from Nikki-Nicole

Excellent

'The Railyard' is a good Haibun.
My favorite part: 'I treasure my independence, solitude, and serenity.
The wording is STRONG.
Nice artwork: The image shown is a perfect fit for this writing.
The author's notes are greatly appreciated.
Thanks for sharing your Haibun.
Good luck with your future writing!
-Nicole-

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017

Thank you very much for reading, my friend :)

namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>Haiga class starts on May 1st <>

Comment from Kerry Foley Robinson

Excellent

Gypsy this is a wonderful haibun poem, so sad and depressing honey, I'm sorry. The write is great. Good luck to you, ~Kerry~

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017

Thank you very much for reading, my friend :)

namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>Haiga class starts on May 1st <>

reply by Kerry Foley Robinson on 20-Apr-2017

Your welcome

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

HI Gypsy, I think there are so many out there that feel this same way...as we get older...our families seem to either pass...or move on....very well written my sweet friend...I love your poem...and love this picture...love ya you...Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017

Thank you very much for reading, my friend :) luv ya

namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>Haiga class starts on May 1st <>

reply by l.raven on 20-Apr-2017

you are so very welcome sweet girl...xxoo love

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hello Gypsy
Certainly looks like you know how to write a Haibun
Thank you for notes of how this Japanese poetic form.
Thank you for sharing your talent.

Gert

 Comment Written 18-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2017

thank you :)

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

Having to look at the old railyard would indeed be depressing. A person living alone can become reconciled to the solitude. But there are memories of the children who have moved away. Holidays are an especially bad time to be alone. The tone of this reflects the loneliness, but there is a kind of serenity, too. The Haiku adds a kind of resolution. The narrator as nothing to gaze upon but the past memories. Excellent, thoughtful write. judi

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017

Thank you very much for reading, my friend :)

namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>Haiga class starts on May 1st <>

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

thank you for sharing this haibun with us. The poetic form is well defined in your author's notes, and from what I read, you have met all of the requirements. You did a good job of describing the shades of grey, and your chosen artwork was the perfect compliment,
~patty~

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017

Thank you very much for reading, my friend :)

namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>Haiga class starts on May 1st <>

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hola Quapa, eso es muy muy bueno. Me encanta. The prose piece of the haibun is very, very good and I love the haiku.
How are you? You sound a little bit sad. Pienso de ti. Un abrazo de tu amiga Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017

Gracias guapa. Thank you very much for reading, my friend :)

namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>Haiga class starts on May 1st <>

Comment from nuthead

Excellent

An evocative haibun. What you see and what memories insist you see, two different things. Enjoyed the alliteration - gazes, gloomy gray; and assonance - gazes, railyard, gray, day. Nice!

###
she gazes beyond
railyard cemetery to the past -
gloomy gray day

 Comment Written 17-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017

Thank you very much for reading, my friend :)

namaste,


Gypsy Haijin Sensei
Fanstory Instructor and Poet
Member of the Haiku Society of America
~*~ a new haiku class every month ~*~
<>Haiga class starts on May 1st <>