Comment from jusylee72

Excellent

very well written. I was so hoping he wouldn't do it and you helped me get the ending I wanted. You made it very suspenseful and I believed he was going to do it. Well written,

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017

Thanks so much for reading. Much appreciated.

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

An excellent story. At first, as I'm sure you intended, I thought we were dealing with a different kind of contractor. This is a great contest entry.

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017

Thanks so much for reading and for all of your kind support, Thomas. JoAnn

Comment from MNOEL

Excellent

Great story!
I always find the topic of hit men interesting. I automatically think that there is a fascinating story behind their choice of profession. In my opinion a person has to be emotionally damaged or a sociopath to kill people for a living. In this case it seemed to be the former as the hit man preferred to kill himself than assassinate an innocent woman and her child. In the end he readjusted his moral compass. I really enjoyed this story-good luck in the contest.
Thanks.
MN

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017

Thanks so much for reading and your thoughtful comments.

Comment from dovemarie

Exceptional

Excellent story! Good writing about a "hit man" who is tired of the business he's in, and cares more about a family being destroyed than the loss of a business deal. It was a surprise to me at the end that he shot his "boss" and his partner, then ended up killing himself. I'm glad he saw as "the last sight," the beautiful young mother and her child. Dove

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017

Thanks so much for your wonderfully generous rating. I like to think there's a point where everyone has a good side of some sort. Truly appreciate you reading.

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

I understand where you've taken this. The prompt is what it is.
Your description of the man sponsoring the hit is
textbook stereotypical. Fat. Armani. Cigar. All you left out is the Italian accent.
The resolution is entirely 'anti-hero'.
Then again, the prompt is what it is.

Good luck.

Peace, Lee

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 Comment Written 13-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017

Thanks for reading.

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Dear Mystery Writer,

This was a super story. I enjoyed it very much. I think you did a great job placing the clue of 'I am tired of this work' in the beginning of the piece. It played a special part - but wasn't realized until the last line. Very nicely done.

My only note is that you mention returning to the hill and looking down on Francesca -- but that hill wasn't mentioned initially. ??

Thanks and good luck in the contest!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2017

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2017

Thanks much for reading and the great comments. Hard to get every detail in the 500 words.