The River
A Shakespearean Sonnet for the contest32 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Congrats on your honorable mention, my friend. This is superb! Eloquent, original and masterfully crafted. Flawless meter, creative rhymes (love pool and vestibule--wow! And also hoo-eet and meet!)
One of the most outstanding aspects, for me, is the immense musicality with phrasing phonetics, subtle woven consonances and alliteration, etc. I enjoyed reading this aloud, especially the S, P, L, I and D sounds in the first stanza. E
I enjoyed the whimsy in the second stanza immensely, too.
This captures the scene. The volta is gentle in the first line of this stanza and swiftly shifts gear to the noise and raucous hoots. Galoots and hoots with internal YAHOOS...great rhymes and slant rhymes!
but above all this, the closing couplet impresses me most, as it is an apt metaphor and a perfect summation with AHA effect and eloquent, pitch perfect voicing (with a fluid flow, as befits the subject):
All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along.
Nice alliteration of E as well as cosnoancne of S.
Wish I had a six. Here is a virtual one: ******
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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Congrats on your honorable mention, my friend. This is superb! Eloquent, original and masterfully crafted. Flawless meter, creative rhymes (love pool and vestibule--wow! And also hoo-eet and meet!)
One of the most outstanding aspects, for me, is the immense musicality with phrasing phonetics, subtle woven consonances and alliteration, etc. I enjoyed reading this aloud, especially the S, P, L, I and D sounds in the first stanza. E
I enjoyed the whimsy in the second stanza immensely, too.
This captures the scene. The volta is gentle in the first line of this stanza and swiftly shifts gear to the noise and raucous hoots. Galoots and hoots with internal YAHOOS...great rhymes and slant rhymes!
but above all this, the closing couplet impresses me most, as it is an apt metaphor and a perfect summation with AHA effect and eloquent, pitch perfect voicing (with a fluid flow, as befits the subject):
All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along.
Nice alliteration of E as well as cosnoancne of S.
Wish I had a six. Here is a virtual one: ******
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 29-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 01-May-2017
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As always, such a great pleasure to receive a review from you, RD. Thanks so much for taking the time and for your generous comments and congratulation - not to mention the virtual six! I'm honoured! Best wishes, Tony
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:-))
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:-))
Comment from Irish Rain
'Eternity is now but moves along.' So very beautiful Mr. Tony. I like all your notes too, this is a wonderful entry into this sonnet contest, very original! Blessings...
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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'Eternity is now but moves along.' So very beautiful Mr. Tony. I like all your notes too, this is a wonderful entry into this sonnet contest, very original! Blessings...
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Thanks, Janet. Appreciated! Tony
Comment from nuthead
You write nature so beautifully. The visual imagery is gorgeous. I enjoyed the touch of auditory you included. Brings the scene to life.
Your opening stanza is drop dead gorgeous. I want to be there, in that moment, right now:
"Diffuse the light of this half-whispered dawn,
as river mists reveal a hidden pool,
its silver dappled by a sun-blotched fawn
that's come to drink at Styx's vestibule."
Gor-geous.
This is a sweet and vivid scene. I see the warm sun ray illuminating the little guy near the water, as he's tipping and sipping!
"Above begins the warbler's soft hoo-eet
as golden rays reveal its drab disguise,"
The serene nature scene, varied critters sharing an amicable morning sip. Busted up by humans, of course. Cool word, "galoots".
The closing couplet is exceptional, in its lovely sounds, as well as sentiment:
"All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along."
Love. It. Of the handful of six stars I have given since joining a few weeks ago, the majority have gone to you, Sir. You write Nature so perfectly, I am transported there for a few moments as I read.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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You write nature so beautifully. The visual imagery is gorgeous. I enjoyed the touch of auditory you included. Brings the scene to life.
Your opening stanza is drop dead gorgeous. I want to be there, in that moment, right now:
"Diffuse the light of this half-whispered dawn,
as river mists reveal a hidden pool,
its silver dappled by a sun-blotched fawn
that's come to drink at Styx's vestibule."
Gor-geous.
This is a sweet and vivid scene. I see the warm sun ray illuminating the little guy near the water, as he's tipping and sipping!
"Above begins the warbler's soft hoo-eet
as golden rays reveal its drab disguise,"
The serene nature scene, varied critters sharing an amicable morning sip. Busted up by humans, of course. Cool word, "galoots".
The closing couplet is exceptional, in its lovely sounds, as well as sentiment:
"All life enjoys the river's endless song.
Eternity is now, but moves along."
Love. It. Of the handful of six stars I have given since joining a few weeks ago, the majority have gone to you, Sir. You write Nature so perfectly, I am transported there for a few moments as I read.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Thank you for your compliments, Shirley, and for the six stars. I appreciate the detail of your review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from BeasPeas
What a nice poem this is. It's full of wonderful descriptions of the river. Great word choices, too. I like the image that has an air of mystery. The first three lines set the mood and the scene, but my favorite stanza is the third. Great job. Marilyn
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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What a nice poem this is. It's full of wonderful descriptions of the river. Great word choices, too. I like the image that has an air of mystery. The first three lines set the mood and the scene, but my favorite stanza is the third. Great job. Marilyn
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Marilyn, and for pointing out your favorite bits. All the best, Tony
Comment from IndianaIrish
An awesome sonnet for the contest, Tony. I truly love your wonderful word use. They give your poem a special quality that's such a delight to read. Great rhymes, meter, enjambment, and imagery. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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An awesome sonnet for the contest, Tony. I truly love your wonderful word use. They give your poem a special quality that's such a delight to read. Great rhymes, meter, enjambment, and imagery. Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Karyn, and for your ovely comments. All the best, Tony
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Shakespearean sonnet. The first signs of daylight attracts attention to the ruvet beyond tge trees. When the mists have cleared the day begins and continue as normal.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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A very well-written Shakespearean sonnet. The first signs of daylight attracts attention to the ruvet beyond tge trees. When the mists have cleared the day begins and continue as normal.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Sandra, and for your summary. All the best, Tony
Comment from sunnilicious
That's a wonderful sonnet about a river. Some of the rhymes seems forced like pool-vestibule and surprise-disguise, but it works together. Great visual imagery created with personification, onomatopoeia, metaphor and sibilance. Good luck in the contest :)
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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That's a wonderful sonnet about a river. Some of the rhymes seems forced like pool-vestibule and surprise-disguise, but it works together. Great visual imagery created with personification, onomatopoeia, metaphor and sibilance. Good luck in the contest :)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Sunnilicious, and for your comments about the rhyming. I was a bit uncertain about 'vestibule' but cannot think of a suitable alternative just at the moment. I may end up re-writing that verse altogether. I very much appreciate the six stars. All the best, Tony
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This is such a lovely sonnet, Tony, taking me back to Keats for the love of nature that comes through. The turn in line 9 quite changes the mood of the river, the whole atmosphere changes with the coming of a bright day. Well done, Giddy :))
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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This is such a lovely sonnet, Tony, taking me back to Keats for the love of nature that comes through. The turn in line 9 quite changes the mood of the river, the whole atmosphere changes with the coming of a bright day. Well done, Giddy :))
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, Giddy, and for the six stars. All the best, Tony
Comment from rspoet
This is very fine sonnet for the contest
with all the aspects of a true Shakespearean sonnet
Impeccable meter, excellent rhyme, a solid Volta turn
and an excellent reflective couplet
Even an inventive "hoo-eet" never before seen in a sonnet
The poem reads smoothly with splendid enjambment
A natural delight
This should do well in the contest, my friend
Best wishes in all things
RS
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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This is very fine sonnet for the contest
with all the aspects of a true Shakespearean sonnet
Impeccable meter, excellent rhyme, a solid Volta turn
and an excellent reflective couplet
Even an inventive "hoo-eet" never before seen in a sonnet
The poem reads smoothly with splendid enjambment
A natural delight
This should do well in the contest, my friend
Best wishes in all things
RS
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review of The River, RS, and for the six stars. I appreciate your comments. All the best, Tony
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very good image.
-Well penned sonnet, Tony.
-Excellent imagery and format.
-I like the introduction of the fawn in verse 1.
-Then, you give us the "warbler's soft hoo-eet,"
and emphasizing all the nature here.
-Good volta.
-Very good couplet, too.
-Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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-Very good image.
-Well penned sonnet, Tony.
-Excellent imagery and format.
-I like the introduction of the fawn in verse 1.
-Then, you give us the "warbler's soft hoo-eet,"
and emphasizing all the nature here.
-Good volta.
-Very good couplet, too.
-Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2017
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Many thanks for your review and six stars, Pam. Very much appreciated, as always. All the best, Tony
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You are always welcome, Tony.
