Reviews from

Would George Fit In Today's World?

Let's Find Out What his Thoughts Would Be

7 total reviews 
Comment from JDRBAR
Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You covered a lot of salient points in your story. However, it seems that you had George agreeing with our modern world as well as disagreeing with it. These points need to be made clearer. Also, don't be afraid of the spell checker. All in all, I enjoyed reading your story.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2017


reply by the author on 22-Apr-2017
    Thank you for your advice
Comment from Mai Mai
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is an interesting piece. You had some very thoughtful questions and made some good observations for George. Good job. The following are the spags I found.

George believed in America and once said, "We had a government which could withstand and crisis, I think you meant withstand any crisis.

Can Trump help us with paying our co-pays and tests we can not pay for because our insurance won't cover themThey say we make to much for welfare yet we do not get enough to pay our bills and get medicine and medical help for our families living on our middle class retirement check. -- punctuation between insurance won't cover them & They.

he died he would r make sure they were set free. There is a stray "r" between would & make.

Good luck.

Mai Mai

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2017


reply by the author on 06-Apr-2017
    thank you for your support and kindness
Comment from Ric Myworld
Excellent
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It goes for all of us, that if people are always looking for something to be wrong, or to use wrongs of the past for personal gain in the future, they can always find them. But personally, I totally against the whole principle of slavery; however, but people can't blame me for what happened many years before I was even born. I have never owned a slave, nor would I ever. And I would be willing to bet that not of those who keep stirring the pot have ever been a slave or ever even known one. Thanks another fine story. :-)

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
    Thank you for your support smiles
Comment from doggymad
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Great interpretation of the topic for the contest. However, I find this a bit bland compared to most of your other work.

There are some sentences that do not make sense as they have words missing. I am assuming that you wrote this when you were tired, as I find that is when I make the most mistakes myself.


hugs

Freda

our disposal then and now. and now is not required as he could not have know what was to come.

We had a government which could withstand and crisis we had to face." Crises is plural of crisis.

endensable should be indispensable
exceptionable should be exceptional


With proper medical care he may have been able to get medical care
You have used medical care twice in this line - try replacing one with treatment.
he would be surprised - if there were thugs in his time he WOULDN'T be surprised
it is surprised by not of
happier and prosperous society today - try more prosperous here.

war changes our nation
insert and after war.
persuit should be pursuit
Was mass weapons - were mass weapons
protect your our elderly. delete your
we make to much for - should be from

would r make remove the r
within among our races would be better here


 Comment Written 15-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
    Re wrote a lot of this so tell me if it now makes sense
reply by doggymad on 15-Mar-2017
    It is a bit better but have send you a list of errors that need to be addressed

    good luck

    Freda
Comment from Halfree
Needs Improvement
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Come on "Country" you have good topics to explore but you drive your readers to distraction with poor grammar and puncation. Second paragraph..."would actually to..." try "be". The following caught my eye...He forseen" forsaw, third paragraph..gibberish... 6th paragraph "The father to our country" not a sentence, has to have a subject ans a predicate. and it's father of our...
Look, you have some good ideas but they get lost in a jungle of half sentences and poor puncation.
Suggest you write your stories, put them aside for a while, and then go back and reread them. If you have a recording device, read your stories into it and later listen to what you have written.
Keep at it, think you have some good topics and stories to tell.

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
    Re wrote some of the wording hope it meets your approval.I feel I am out of my realm when I am not writing about my favorite country life.
Comment from sunnilicious
Excellent
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Washington, Jackson, Jefferson, Lincoln, Grant, Benjamin Franklin and others http://reagan.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=003839 will always be remembered. I'm sure they have nice families generations later. Slavery doesn't exist, but there are expatriates, maid services and nannies that are all paid. Good pondering in a story.

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
    Thanks for your kindness and support
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
Excellent
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Maybe we need him coming back into the world to straighten us all out. Maybe he'd be the answer to our prayers. He was a great leader once I bet he could do it all over again. And if he came back does that mean we get Trump out and put him back in? Yes!

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 15-Mar-2017
    I wish