Reviews from

Time Well Spent

A Shakesperean Sonnet for My Beloved*

22 total reviews 
Comment from Fridayauthor
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A beautiful sonnet, Mark. It's written with obvious feeling. The words flow so smoothly it is a pleasure to read.

One small thought... The double use of time near the end jumped out a bit. Consider...

And time infused with love is sacrament.
I do not fret if mine is almost through,
Because I found eternity in you.

I think you have a winner!


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Thanks for the review and for the suggestion. Both are appreciated.
Comment from robyn corum
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Mark,

I HOPE, unlike the Marriage Memoirs, this is one you will show your lady. *smile* What romantic occasion is coming up? No, not St. Patrick's Day! Ugh. You men. Mother's Day! Yes, that's it. If you haven't shown it to her just because you love her, save it and bestow it on her for Mother's Day. It will rock her socks off -- AND you'll be off the hook to find something spectacular for that day, too. I mean flowers would still be nice, but tuck this in. So sweet!

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Actually St. Patrick's Day is quite a big deal around these parts. And, as luck would have it, Maggie's birthday is only two weeks away.
reply by robyn corum on 14-Mar-2017
    YAY! Good tag teaming work. Soooooo, shall I get half the credit, then?
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Let's wait and see how it works out before we start handing out medals. There's lots of things I could do wrong between now and March 28th.
reply by robyn corum on 14-Mar-2017
    That's true -- before the 17th, for that matter. You may end up having to use it for St. Pattys. Good to have a Plan B, jic. Great thinking. Sounds like you've been down this path before. heehee
Comment from Pantygynt
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I like this a lot especially the bit about our grains of sand being in the bottom half. Those are my feelings exactly. I hope you will forgive me for pointing out the one little niggle I have with this almost perfect English style sonnet.

Now this is all about time. Time is mentioned on six occasions over the fourteen lines, but I am not counting that as too much repetition as clearly it is deliberate and rightly so. My niggle is more particular than that; on five of those occasions, in the following lines, 2, 5, 9, 12 and 13 the word occurs on a stressed syllable of the iambic meter. So when in line 8 it is placed on an unstressed syllable it jars - at least it does with me.

"When their time's scant allotment's been dispersed."

The problem is how to move the word onto a stressed syllable without losing something else. I particularly like the metaphorical imagery of "time's scant allotment" and maybe that means more to me than thee. An "allotment" in UK is a patch of ground, like a garden, but away from its owner's in town house, on which he can cultivate produce. Perhaps the imagery of a scant allotment is less powerful for you if you do not use the word in that sense. If so changing to, "When scant allotted time for them's dispersed" may not be such a loss and time is stressed as I feel it should be.

Sorry not to be of more practical help.

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    "Sorry not to be of more practical help?" this may be the most thorough and helpful review I've ever received. Thanks for taking the time to read this so thoroughly. I have already made the change you suggested.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very well written and touching sonnet. So very sweet. Everyone should have such a relationship. Best wishes in the contest, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Thanks you Debbie. I am blessed indeed.
Comment from Mastery
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent write, Mark. Lots of emotion expressed throught the entire sonnet. I don't think I've seen one written in this form before, but then I am no poetry or sonnet expert. I thought there had to be spaces between the stanzas and also before the last two lines

" I do not fret if time is almost through,
Because I found eternity in you."

Bravo! Bob



 Comment Written 13-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Thanks, Bob. Even though Shakesperean sonnets are thematically grouped into three quatrains and a couplet, in terms of their presentation, Willy used to just slam all the lines together and indent the ending couplet. I figured, if it's good enough for him...
reply by Mastery on 14-Mar-2017
    Amen. :) Bob
Comment from Sixty70
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a lovely paean to love, especially the love that lasts a lifetime and, who knows, perhaps into eternity.

Best of luck in the Sonnet contest.

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Thanks for the nice feedback.
Comment from suzterus
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good job! I liked that you used good descriptive words without being overly complicated. My favorite line is "Relentlessly those grains ran ever down,"


 Comment Written 13-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Thanks. I have an hourglass in my office - that was the inspiration for the poem. (that, and my love for my wife, of course).
Comment from writeapoem
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very neat sonnet for your beloved. It had a romantic flow in the rhyme. A loving tribute to the woman you love. I thought well written

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Thanks so much for the kind words.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very well written sonnet as an entry in this poetry contest. The theme is reflective, succinctly thoughtful and with very much descriptive unplumbable depths, so always a great topic, and interesting to see what place we are at. Well written, displaying your virtuoso, poetic skills, with a finely crafted work, that flows sweetly off the page, in ababcdcdefefgg rhyming, well done, Mark, good luck, blessings, Roy

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 14-Mar-2017
    Thanks so much Roy. I don't write a lot of them, but I've always liked the sonnet form.
reply by royowen on 14-Mar-2017
    Well done Mark
Comment from pome lover
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

well, your Maggie is a lucky lady! That is beautifully expressed.
Hooray for a happy marriage! and a husband who can really write.
Have you written a book?
I loved the Dave Barry quote. Some of your writing is very Dave Barryish , I think.
Anyway, this is a wonderful poem. a six in my boook. good job.
pome lover


 Comment Written 13-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 13-Mar-2017
    Thank you for the generous rating, and for the Dave Barry comparison - that is a high compliment in my book (speaking of books, no, I have never written one - maybe when I retire...). As for Maggie, I keep trying to tell her how lucky she is, she doesn't believe me.