Reviews from

A Suprise Visit

To My Grandparents

8 total reviews 
Comment from Selina Stambi
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Barb, you have improved by leaps and bounds since I first met you. Good work!

Did this really happen to you? How terrifying. Your grandparents sound like lovely, loving, warm folks.

Congratulations on the placing in the contest. So happy for you, dear.

Big hugs,

Sonali xx

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
    thank you for your support
Comment from sunnilicious
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Sorry to hear about that scar on your face. It sounds traumatic being mistaken that way. Great visual imagery created with details and descriptions. Well thought out story and nicely written with narrative and dialogues. Good luck in the contest :)

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2017
    thank you for your kindness and support
Comment from pome lover
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

well, that is certainly a horrible experience to remember but I can see how it would be impossible not to. Maybe writing about it will help a little. Grandparents are special to go to in need. good choice.
Best of luck to you in getting on with your life! Although you probably have gotten on with it very well.
Good luck in the contest.
pome lover

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
    Thank you for your kindness and support
Comment from melyuki
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi country ranch writer, thanks so much for sharing this " I remember" story.. I enjoyed taking this journey of remembrance with you.. It is a very emotional heart felt journey and one I'm sure, will be with you for a lifetime. The warmth of coming home to see your grandparents and feel their overwhelming unconditional love is evident from your words. Best of luck country ranch writer in the contest and thank you for sharing an intimate part of your life. cheers mel xx

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
    Thank you for your kindness and support
Comment from papa55mike
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a very well told story and I really like the simple ending. It does need a good edit, please check your spacing, quotation marks, but I didn't see anything misspelled . Please make this a 6 star story by giving it a good edit.

Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
    Thank you for your kindness nod support
Comment from Mustang Patty
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Your story has a great deal of merit, and comes from a deep place in your heart. The writing technique is poor, and there are a great deal of spelling errors in the piece. There is also problems with grammar and word usage. I believe with some editing, this would be a better writing.
~patty~

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 05-Mar-2017
    Hope this sounds better
Comment from robertlmcgraw
Needs Improvement
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The story was sweet. But the grammar and punctuation are horrible. Examples: many of your quotation marks are in the wrong places, you don't have spaces to separate sentences, you used were instead of we're, etc... What is a "lung cowboy"? Nobody minds when you use a lot of slang in the dialogue. It helps with characterization. However, the prose should be written in mostly proper English. I'm from the country too, so I understood what you were writing. However, many people (my wife for example) aren't, and would have had no idea what most of what you wrote meant. Being from the country is no excuse for just plain bad writing. I'm sorry.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
    Rechecked grammar sorry it was sloppy
Comment from giraffmang
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

Funny tale but needs a bit of clean up.

I remember..telling my horse were home at last. - ... is the norm, but they're not really need here. I also think this should be we're rather than were. also need a space after the full stop at the end of the first sentence.

trailer by my Grandpa'as truck - Grandpa's.
I would suggest going through this again and checking your spacing. there are quite a few missing following commas and full stops.

I was give out driving all night since I left the hospital - perhaps just I was driving all night...

Check your tenses as well as you sometimes slip between past and present tense, in the same sentence as well on occasion.

Next morning my Grandpa says'"lookie here - needs a comma after says and the dialogue should start with a capital.

,"Are there any lung cowboys who have caught your eye?" Should I have to run them off with my shot gun?" - delete the extra speech mark from the middle of this sentence.

Grandpa asked with a winkle in his eyes - twinkle?

maybe one or two Ihave - needs space after I.

"The look on his face was priceless! Don't worry'." - move the opening speech mark to before Don't.

"They are far,far away,"I am here with you all. - move the closing speech mark to the end of the dialogue here.

 Comment Written 03-Mar-2017


reply by the author on 03-Mar-2017
    Thank you for you help and kindness