Natural Light
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Pleine Aire"contemporary poetry
10 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a beautiful descriptive free verse - catching a moment in art - not easy and artists have been trying to capture light on to their canvas forever, few have succeeded. Your words describe all this so well I love your final stanza -
Only this remains:
These shadows, those shapes, that light,
Delicately frozen
In imitations of paint,
Like a rose cut from a garden,
A moment stolen,
Standing
Still. ....................................... Very well written and a lovely read - warm regards
Dorothy
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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This is a beautiful descriptive free verse - catching a moment in art - not easy and artists have been trying to capture light on to their canvas forever, few have succeeded. Your words describe all this so well I love your final stanza -
Only this remains:
These shadows, those shapes, that light,
Delicately frozen
In imitations of paint,
Like a rose cut from a garden,
A moment stolen,
Standing
Still. ....................................... Very well written and a lovely read - warm regards
Dorothy
Comment Written 18-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thanks again for your support of my work and I am glad you enjoyed the poem and found it so well written. this one was one of easier ones to write. usually mine go through several rewrites estory
Comment from Irish Rain
This is just lovely. I work from photos for my portraiture art, but I know if you are doing nature or landscapes, it's very important to catch that light quickly. It will never come again, exactly the same. You have painted here, a lovely image of the artist painting. Blessings...
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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This is just lovely. I work from photos for my portraiture art, but I know if you are doing nature or landscapes, it's very important to catch that light quickly. It will never come again, exactly the same. You have painted here, a lovely image of the artist painting. Blessings...
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you for your six star review and your very encouraging comments. I am grateful for all of your support and glad you enjoyed this piece. It was fun to write. It is really about the process, the motivation for the creative action. estory
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just beautiful...
Comment from Gert sherwood
Nice very nice estory,
may I make a few suggestions?
Outside,
With brush and paint,
She works to catch
(On an) Upon empty canvass
(A) Dashing quicksilver light
Glimmering for an instant
In wavering shadows,
Faint shapes,
Dappled colors,
Before the light
Escapes
She thinks that quicksilver
Lends itself to the imagination,
Fills a brief moment
With incredible music
Stolen from the vibrant mosaic
Of shadows and light
In the golden leaves
Wavering ( for an instant) in quick flight
Before slipping (from) astray from artistic hand
(And eye,) Do you need this line?
Slowly disappearing,
(Gone) Then gone.
Love the rest of your poem
Gert
Gert
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Nice very nice estory,
may I make a few suggestions?
Outside,
With brush and paint,
She works to catch
(On an) Upon empty canvass
(A) Dashing quicksilver light
Glimmering for an instant
In wavering shadows,
Faint shapes,
Dappled colors,
Before the light
Escapes
She thinks that quicksilver
Lends itself to the imagination,
Fills a brief moment
With incredible music
Stolen from the vibrant mosaic
Of shadows and light
In the golden leaves
Wavering ( for an instant) in quick flight
Before slipping (from) astray from artistic hand
(And eye,) Do you need this line?
Slowly disappearing,
(Gone) Then gone.
Love the rest of your poem
Gert
Gert
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the five star review and your interesting suggestions. I think some of them make sense, and I may make some changes to this. I like to have that eye in there. I tried to have this poem open out from short lines, unfold, then fold back up again, like a moment unfolding and disappearing. I tried to emulate the quick work of the quick brushstrokes on the canvass estory
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Hello estory,
you are welcome and thank you for your reply
Gert
Comment from fafa
In this poem you open your feelings of impeccable form, show the connection that it joins and you demonstrate a rewarded art, greetings and blessings
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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In this poem you open your feelings of impeccable form, show the connection that it joins and you demonstrate a rewarded art, greetings and blessings
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the five stars and your support of this poem estory
Comment from HarryT
I enjoyed the word picture you have presented. The imagery is strong. My suggestion would be to delete articles such as a, an, the and that. In my opinion they weaken the work. However, you are the author. I have given a few examples below:
1. I would delete words such as on an a. For example I believe your opining would be stronger you said:
Outside,
With brush and paint,
She works to catch
On empty canvass
Quicksilver light
2. ( In) wavering shadows, delete In
3. She thinks that quicksilver - delete that
4. Lends itself to (the) imagination, - delete the
5.Fills (a) brief moment Change to Fills brief moments
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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I enjoyed the word picture you have presented. The imagery is strong. My suggestion would be to delete articles such as a, an, the and that. In my opinion they weaken the work. However, you are the author. I have given a few examples below:
1. I would delete words such as on an a. For example I believe your opining would be stronger you said:
Outside,
With brush and paint,
She works to catch
On empty canvass
Quicksilver light
2. ( In) wavering shadows, delete In
3. She thinks that quicksilver - delete that
4. Lends itself to (the) imagination, - delete the
5.Fills (a) brief moment Change to Fills brief moments
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the five stars and your suggestions. they make sense, I may edit this and see if I can get the words a little tighter, a little brighter. I have a habit of using this conversational language, sometimes in poetry it detracts estory
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You are welcome.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. I believe you have captured the idea you were looking for. The poem catches the artistic images you wanted and is nicely written. Good work.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Excellent. I believe you have captured the idea you were looking for. The poem catches the artistic images you wanted and is nicely written. Good work.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the five stars, the encouraging comments and most of all, for enjoying the poem. estory
Comment from Sis Cat
You captured pleine aire painting by using your words as brush strokes that try to capture the artist's quest to faint the fleeting landscape and sky as the sun sets. Poem also reflects all artists' quest to capture fleeting inspiration. Your free verse flows smoothly stringing images of an artist's frustration and disappointment together. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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You captured pleine aire painting by using your words as brush strokes that try to capture the artist's quest to faint the fleeting landscape and sky as the sun sets. Poem also reflects all artists' quest to capture fleeting inspiration. Your free verse flows smoothly stringing images of an artist's frustration and disappointment together. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the five stars and your encouraging comments, glad you enjoyed the piece. I think you got the effect I was after perfectly, and that means the poem was successful catch you estory
Comment from royowen
I wrote a song a few years ago, and the first line went like this, "I caught a glimpse of Heaven, just an instant shone the light.". like you capturing in words what you've endeavoured to do here. I think you've done an exceptional job of doing just that, with the staccato effect of articulate expression, with short descriptive imagery, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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I wrote a song a few years ago, and the first line went like this, "I caught a glimpse of Heaven, just an instant shone the light.". like you capturing in words what you've endeavoured to do here. I think you've done an exceptional job of doing just that, with the staccato effect of articulate expression, with short descriptive imagery, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the five stars and your very encouraging remarks. I am glad you enjoyed the piece, it was fun to write. estory
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Most welcome
Comment from winnona
A well-written poem. I think you have completed what you say you were trying to do in your author's notes. Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the heartfelt message of the poem for the reader.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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A well-written poem. I think you have completed what you say you were trying to do in your author's notes. Your words flowed well line to line combining easily and forming the heartfelt message of the poem for the reader.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the five stars and your positive remarks. Glad the flow was there, the images were strong. When the public enjoys a poem, it makes all the work worthwhile. estory
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem. The picture of the psinting is painted to the reader in words to see the painting in the imagination of the reader.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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A very well-written free verse poem. The picture of the psinting is painted to the reader in words to see the painting in the imagination of the reader.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2017
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Thanks for your five star review and your wonderful comments. estory
