Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Chapter Funf part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
36 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
Very full chapter, Barbara. Most enjoyable. Moved along quickly with just the right balance of dialogue to description.
Excellent use of the dogs in attacking the Russian attacker. I'm glad none of them were hurt. The saving bullet was fired just in time. Nice build up of tension.
Now to see if the police can be of any help.
:) e
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Very full chapter, Barbara. Most enjoyable. Moved along quickly with just the right balance of dialogue to description.
Excellent use of the dogs in attacking the Russian attacker. I'm glad none of them were hurt. The saving bullet was fired just in time. Nice build up of tension.
Now to see if the police can be of any help.
:) e
Comment Written 16-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello :)
How are you? The last time I read were a few chapters back. It's good writing. I don't see any errors. I have used real names, too--hard not to. Maybe you could just write a disclaimer that protects you. Keep on writing!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Hello :)
How are you? The last time I read were a few chapters back. It's good writing. I don't see any errors. I have used real names, too--hard not to. Maybe you could just write a disclaimer that protects you. Keep on writing!
Comment Written 16-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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I decided to go the completely fiction route. I didn't want to take any chances. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from kriver
Hi,
This is a good chapter that could be very exciting
based on the dog attack You need to explain how the dogs got there because she left Romeo in her room.
The dogs if train in attack work would have probably gone after the man with the gun too. Also Shana not knowing the commands to call off the dogs most likely couldn't do that even if she wanted to. The commands are usually in an uncommon language to the area, and obeyed only by the handler or owner.More than likely
all the dogs would have attacked both men at once, going after the gun hand. He might get one but not all three. They would be seriously bitten and in a bad situation medically so the cops would call for help. The bad guys would be screaming bloody murder. Each dog I believe has approximately 1200 pounds per sq inch in bite.(Look this up on Google). That is definitely some very serious continuously ripping pain because the dogs shake their heads back and forth tearing at the attacker's arm the more the attacker fights the more the dog shakes and fight back. The dogs are taught to ignore pain and hits from the attacker. The person that is attacked a lot of times will end up on the ground if the attacker stops fighting the dogs are taught to back of when a handler give the command. The attackers would be carried off not walked off by medical personnel in extreme pain. You get bit by a trained dog and your in for some serious stitches and possible loss of using an arm. Look up Schutzhund dog training or working German line German Shepherd Dogs. To learn about the sport it involves attack work you can go on you tube and see what they dogs do. It will give a better understanding for your story and add authenticity to it. Thus making it better over all.
There is one sentence that need to be changed the sentence:
There are (polices) waiting incorrect use of term use (officers) instead.
I professionally trained dogs for close to 20 years. I know the subject fairly well.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Hi,
This is a good chapter that could be very exciting
based on the dog attack You need to explain how the dogs got there because she left Romeo in her room.
The dogs if train in attack work would have probably gone after the man with the gun too. Also Shana not knowing the commands to call off the dogs most likely couldn't do that even if she wanted to. The commands are usually in an uncommon language to the area, and obeyed only by the handler or owner.More than likely
all the dogs would have attacked both men at once, going after the gun hand. He might get one but not all three. They would be seriously bitten and in a bad situation medically so the cops would call for help. The bad guys would be screaming bloody murder. Each dog I believe has approximately 1200 pounds per sq inch in bite.(Look this up on Google). That is definitely some very serious continuously ripping pain because the dogs shake their heads back and forth tearing at the attacker's arm the more the attacker fights the more the dog shakes and fight back. The dogs are taught to ignore pain and hits from the attacker. The person that is attacked a lot of times will end up on the ground if the attacker stops fighting the dogs are taught to back of when a handler give the command. The attackers would be carried off not walked off by medical personnel in extreme pain. You get bit by a trained dog and your in for some serious stitches and possible loss of using an arm. Look up Schutzhund dog training or working German line German Shepherd Dogs. To learn about the sport it involves attack work you can go on you tube and see what they dogs do. It will give a better understanding for your story and add authenticity to it. Thus making it better over all.
There is one sentence that need to be changed the sentence:
There are (polices) waiting incorrect use of term use (officers) instead.
I professionally trained dogs for close to 20 years. I know the subject fairly well.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I purposely didn't have the dogs bite anybody, just knock them down and stand guard.
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Why?
German Shepherds wouldn't act that way they would naturally attack. It is out of character for them to do otherwise. It would be their natural and normal behavior to defend someone they cared about. The scene doesn't make any sense leaving it this way. If they just knock the bad guy down what is to stop them from getting up and attacking again. There's just no logic to it at all. Do some research. Even a lap dog would attack. If she was holding one. It just would not, could not happen the way you describe it. Otherwise, it is a pretty good story.
Best regards,
K River
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These are highly trained dogs. They did protect Shana, but would not physically hurt somebody with out a command. They didn't have the command. Shana couldn't give it, she isn't their owner, only a guest. The man wouldn't get up because two dogs were standing over him showing their teeth. I am going on experience from dog owners and trainers. I have done research. I have spoken with trainers. MY dachshund would attack, but he's not highly trained, he's a lapdog.
Comment from MelB
There's plenty of intrigue and suspense in this story and this chapter. I'm so glad the dogs weren't hurt. When the gun went off, I was afraid they would be injured or worse.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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There's plenty of intrigue and suspense in this story and this chapter. I'm so glad the dogs weren't hurt. When the gun went off, I was afraid they would be injured or worse.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from estory
It's short and fast paced and quite suspenseful. the scene is packed with rapidly exploding action, and it is all very mysterious. it's hard to comment on this without reading the earlier chapters, so jumping in like this without really knowing whats going on is difficult. we do want to know how the Russian mafia is involved with this woman, who is obviously in some kind of danger, and what's going to happen next. estory
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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It's short and fast paced and quite suspenseful. the scene is packed with rapidly exploding action, and it is all very mysterious. it's hard to comment on this without reading the earlier chapters, so jumping in like this without really knowing whats going on is difficult. we do want to know how the Russian mafia is involved with this woman, who is obviously in some kind of danger, and what's going to happen next. estory
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from dmt1967
'One officer walked to her and offered his hand. "I'm Detective O'Reilly and this is my partner, Detective Campbell. We have a few questions." (After) Shana nodded, (he continued, )"Do you have any idea who these men are?"' I would make this three paragraphs. (Delete)
Good chapter and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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'One officer walked to her and offered his hand. "I'm Detective O'Reilly and this is my partner, Detective Campbell. We have a few questions." (After) Shana nodded, (he continued, )"Do you have any idea who these men are?"' I would make this three paragraphs. (Delete)
Good chapter and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I will recheck this area. I have been gigged before for having too short of paragraphs or one line paragraphs.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was brilliant! I want those dogs!! I am really enjoying this, Barbara, the mystery is still increasing, and now the police are wondering if Anderson might be involved and keeping her against her will. Of course he isn't! Well done, my friend, on another very well written chapter. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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That was brilliant! I want those dogs!! I am really enjoying this, Barbara, the mystery is still increasing, and now the police are wondering if Anderson might be involved and keeping her against her will. Of course he isn't! Well done, my friend, on another very well written chapter. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from Tpa
Plenty of action in this chapter, which I enjoyed very much. The ending as in your other chapters is a page turner, awaiting your next installment. As always, you have given me a most enjoyable read.
Do you outline your novel, or let your characters have their freedom?
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Plenty of action in this chapter, which I enjoyed very much. The ending as in your other chapters is a page turner, awaiting your next installment. As always, you have given me a most enjoyable read.
Do you outline your novel, or let your characters have their freedom?
Comment Written 15-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I outline my story, but then my characters take over and I rarely end up following the outline.
Comment from Thesis
Suspense, mystery, and the protection of dogs. How could it get any better? The seed has been planted to identify if Shana is being held against her will. Jumping into this chapter, there is a lot going on, all promising some interesting results. I'm looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Suspense, mystery, and the protection of dogs. How could it get any better? The seed has been planted to identify if Shana is being held against her will. Jumping into this chapter, there is a lot going on, all promising some interesting results. I'm looking forward to more.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from giraffmang
Looks like Shana didn't get very far before trouble befell.
On the sidewalk, I'll call for a Taxi - not sure taxi needs capitalised here.
With a strong accent, he said, "Ms. Kohlberg, we finally meet." - it may be better to identify the accent as this doesn't really say anything. Even if it's a general type of definition.
With his Makarov pistol in hand, he yelled with a heavy accent - same thing here.
It's hard to place an accent on them as there is no dialectal clues in the dialogue.
There are polices waiting to question her - maybe just police here.
"Ma'am, I've noticed you watching Mr. Sharp. "Are you being held against your will? Are you safe here?"
- delete the speech mark from the middle of this line.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Looks like Shana didn't get very far before trouble befell.
On the sidewalk, I'll call for a Taxi - not sure taxi needs capitalised here.
With a strong accent, he said, "Ms. Kohlberg, we finally meet." - it may be better to identify the accent as this doesn't really say anything. Even if it's a general type of definition.
With his Makarov pistol in hand, he yelled with a heavy accent - same thing here.
It's hard to place an accent on them as there is no dialectal clues in the dialogue.
There are polices waiting to question her - maybe just police here.
"Ma'am, I've noticed you watching Mr. Sharp. "Are you being held against your will? Are you safe here?"
- delete the speech mark from the middle of this line.
All the best
G
Comment Written 14-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2017
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Thank you for all the help here. I have made the corrections.
