Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

An intoxicating poem filled with warm pleasures and desires and I would say a modern day sonnet, a very enjoyable read,love Dolly x

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017

thanks for the five star review and your encouraging comments. It was fun to write, which I suppose is the main thing. But its hard to do sonnets nowadays, hard to come up with fresh images and a relevant style within the form. I am kind of heavily influenced by Yeats and Seaumus Heaney. Glanmore Sonnets from Field Work was a big inspiration for me estory

Comment from winnona

Excellent

A well-written sonnet.Your words flowed easily forming a unique rhythm of their own. The continue to flow well line to line combining easily and forming the message of the poem for the reader.

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017

thanks for the five star review and your encouraging comments. Flow is very important to me so I am glad you gave me a thumbs up for that. I try to do a more contemporary, conversational language within this traditional somewhat rigid form. estory

Comment from rspoet

Excellent

This is an interesting "contemporary sonnet"
with the abba scheme of rhyme
and excellent imagery of the romantic encounter

Some concerns:

Many of your rhymes are near or slant rhymes (poem/warm, skin/begins)

The meter should be iambic (da DUM, da DUM...), but is off in many places

your/Curved/BEAUty...
BLENDing/...
BORN of DReams...

If you remove the designation sonnet, this works much better simply as a poem
that resembles a sonnet

Excellent romantic poem
RS

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017

Thanks for your five star review and your interesting comments. I am not a big stickler on exact rhymes anymore, I aim to be a little more subtle in the sound. also the strict iambic pentameter is a little dated, I strive for a more conversational contemporary sound there as well. the abba rhyme scheme actually is traditional English, and I like the interlocking form. I have tried a more looser interlocking abcd abck abc abc structure that I think is even more subtle and contemporary sounding. I am influenced a lot by Yeats, and Seamus Heaney. Read Glanmore Sonnets from Field Work. He is also quite adroit at the off rhyme and conversational meter estory

Comment from brenda bickers

Excellent

Hi ESTORY,
this is a nice sonnet. It is not a sonnet style I am familiar with, but there are many styles to write. I usually go for the full English Shakespearian sonnet where I see this has a more contemporary feel to it. I like your subject and it as a very romantic sensual feel to it.

As our feelings move in a coming flood
Wavering in the pale, intense dream time,
Intoxicated by desire's wine
Until the pleasure vibrates in our blood.

I especially like this Quatrain the best, very poetic.
Brenda:))x

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017

thanks for the five stars and your encouraging comments. I am glad you liked the poem. Actually, my favorite part of it was the closing couplet, and the rest of it, was kind of built around it and went through several extensive rewrites. estory

Comment from Mrs Happy Poet

Excellent

Yes this is well written my friend full of feeling and very romantic you have done well using this form that many writers struggle with I enjoyed regards Jill

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017

thanks for the five stars and your encouraging remarks. I think it is very difficult to do today and this poem went through several rewrites. Its really written on top of the closing couplet, which I think is the best part of the poem. its hard to come up with fresh images and a style that we can relate to nowadays. thanks for the support estory

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

I like the musical metaphor in this with the music being the making love to someone special.

Sonnets are not my favorite form but you did wonderfully with it.

teresa

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017

thanks for the five stars and your encouraging remarks. I'm not surprised because you seem very immersed in free verse, which is also my favorite. It is somewhat of a dated form, but also very beautiful; I was really more influenced by Yeats and Seamus Heaney, especially Glanmore Sonnets from Field Work, which I think is a blue print for how to write sonnets in a contemporary relavant way. thanks for the support estory

Comment from Luna

Excellent

Well, I thought it was nice and fresh. The phrase "glazed hands," I really, really find full of imagery. The whole sonnet was full of imagery, it flowed well, and I enjoyed your rhyme scheme which you nailed.

I kind of like when you go semi-traditional. (Now it's time to zone out again, for me, please?)

All my best,
jeni

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017

thanks for the five stars and your encouraging comments. I am glad you enjoyed the images, which I worked really hard on. Also the flow, which means a lot to me. I don't want it to sound like it was put into a box. estory

Comment from padumachitta

Excellent

Hi a veryy good sonnet...the ending is wonderful
Afterwards I leave for you this poem,
Fresh from hands glazed by your beauty, still warm.
I am not able to get my head around sonnets...but you seem to have the knack for them.
padumachitta

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2017

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2017

thanks for the five star review and your encouraging comments. the closing couplet is my favorite part of the poem and I actually built the rest of it around it. I love this form, it is so beautiful, but its hard to get poems to fit into this box and still sound fresh and relevant today, so I am glad you thought it worked. estory