2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Broken People"A collection of Japanese poetry
17 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Buenos Diaz, Gypsy;
-I like the deep behavioral and emotional inspiration of these three haiku's, I stand corrected if I'm not correct in thinking That all of these are pertinent To a broken home And a discernible family member who has not only witnessed her demise in this broken home but feels the emotional setback of her love.
-What really got me is the best satori which I found to be a quandary and also somewhat a positive contradictory was your second haiku's satori "precious imperfections" which I found so perfectly and imaginatively sound And quite witti
and clever of your definitive description of that second haiku. A great summarization and relative association to the conceptual theme and context of your writing.
-The first haiku is sad as it seems like the character in this haiku is in a rest home and very long yet there seems to be that our roots are showing because that's all she has to offer at staying in a place like this is to remember her past times and history of her life. The satori "her white roots show" Could describe the roots of her hair as they are very white with age and she staying in this resting home growing old.
-The last type who I think summarizes the totality of all the other Haiku's As she is Reminiscing an empty home where she used to live before being put into the rest home. For she be staying at this lonely home alone were the blue skies are clouded just like her judgment In his judgment could be her Alzheimer's is the last line or satori is really a reflection of her mental state As a "dusty empty nest" Or could be literarily taken is just the home she lives in now is just sadly empty and dusty.
-I enjoyed all three and could be taking many different ways but in either way they are strongly written with emotion.
-Thank you for sharing, Gypsy, take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Buenos Diaz, Gypsy;
-I like the deep behavioral and emotional inspiration of these three haiku's, I stand corrected if I'm not correct in thinking That all of these are pertinent To a broken home And a discernible family member who has not only witnessed her demise in this broken home but feels the emotional setback of her love.
-What really got me is the best satori which I found to be a quandary and also somewhat a positive contradictory was your second haiku's satori "precious imperfections" which I found so perfectly and imaginatively sound And quite witti
and clever of your definitive description of that second haiku. A great summarization and relative association to the conceptual theme and context of your writing.
-The first haiku is sad as it seems like the character in this haiku is in a rest home and very long yet there seems to be that our roots are showing because that's all she has to offer at staying in a place like this is to remember her past times and history of her life. The satori "her white roots show" Could describe the roots of her hair as they are very white with age and she staying in this resting home growing old.
-The last type who I think summarizes the totality of all the other Haiku's As she is Reminiscing an empty home where she used to live before being put into the rest home. For she be staying at this lonely home alone were the blue skies are clouded just like her judgment In his judgment could be her Alzheimer's is the last line or satori is really a reflection of her mental state As a "dusty empty nest" Or could be literarily taken is just the home she lives in now is just sadly empty and dusty.
-I enjoyed all three and could be taking many different ways but in either way they are strongly written with emotion.
-Thank you for sharing, Gypsy, take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Hola, Senor Alex, como estas?
Thank you so very much for the beautiful review and kind words. It means a lot to me and it makes a difference in the way I write. Your feedback is very valuable. Thank you.
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You're very welcome, Gypsy, and I would like to thank you for all the intelligence I've gained from your teachings.
Alex
Comment from Douglas Paul
This is an interesting haiku suite with great overall presentation. I think I like the second on the best. "Precious Imperfections" says a lot
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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This is an interesting haiku suite with great overall presentation. I think I like the second on the best. "Precious Imperfections" says a lot
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Hello, my friend,
The second is my favorite too. It's a Japanese custom. When a ceramic cup or bowl cracks, it's filled with gold to accentuate its beauty. I love the concept.
Thank you, Douglas, your opinion is infinitely valuable to me. You are very kind.
Comment from Joan E.
You vividly capture old age in this haiku series. The striking artwork you selected adds to the intensity of your message. The "empty nest" is a very powerful concluding image. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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You vividly capture old age in this haiku series. The striking artwork you selected adds to the intensity of your message. The "empty nest" is a very powerful concluding image. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Thank you so very much for the beautiful review and kind words. It means a lot to me and it makes a difference in the way I write. Your feedback is very valuable. Thank you.
Comment from barkingdog
Your haiku series on aging or the elderly is very interesting.
The white roots, cracked skin, cloudy blue(eyes) and dusty memory--all an accepted part of the process--you've related each to a part of nature(snow, gold, the sky and a nest)
:) e
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Your haiku series on aging or the elderly is very interesting.
The white roots, cracked skin, cloudy blue(eyes) and dusty memory--all an accepted part of the process--you've related each to a part of nature(snow, gold, the sky and a nest)
:) e
Comment Written 11-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2017
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Hello, sweetie pie, how are you doing? I miss you. I am so busy with art classes and my job that I never get to read you. I hope all is well with you and your family.
Thank you for reading and reviewing my haiku suite. Your extraordinary and amazing perceptive analysis doesn't surprise me because it comes from you. You always get me.
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I've only written three short poems this year.
'Destiny' is the last one--a Cinquain.
Comment from l.raven
HI Gypsy, it is hell to grow old my sweet friend...seems no one is ever around...all have gone other places...and we just grow old...you are truly the Queen of Haiku...a title well earned..very well written sweet girl...I hope all is well with you...love ya Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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HI Gypsy, it is hell to grow old my sweet friend...seems no one is ever around...all have gone other places...and we just grow old...you are truly the Queen of Haiku...a title well earned..very well written sweet girl...I hope all is well with you...love ya Linda xxoo
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Hello, sweetie pie, how are you doing? How is your mom? I hope you are well. I have been busy but happy.
Queen of Haiku? hahaha ... I wish. I am just a Spanish gypsy passionate about haiku, that is all. But thank you, that has a nice ring to it. >O> :]) You are very kind and I love you, mamita linda.
Gypsy
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Love you too Gypsy...you are doing such a wonderful job teaching...these haiku's that are coming out now are awesome...and you sooooo are the Queen of Haiku...I am doing better myself...mom is also doing better...it will take a broken pelvic bone a bit longer to heal for her...her age...87...but I thank God see is still here...thank you for caring...you have a heart of gold...love you too...xxoo love
Comment from Drew Delaney
I love the one haiku saying that white roots show. They are all unique, but the first one I think is my favourite. I also really like the final line in the third. Well done!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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I love the one haiku saying that white roots show. They are all unique, but the first one I think is my favourite. I also really like the final line in the third. Well done!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you for your review and feedback on what you liked best. You are very kind.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very good set of haiku you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. I enjoyed it very much! Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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This is a very good set of haiku you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. I enjoyed it very much! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you for your review and feedback on what you liked best. You are very kind.
Comment from loismddavis
A really beautiful presentation to accompany your several Haiku poems. I know that I am not an expert at Haiku so I have learned somethin by reading your work as I thought it had to be exact in the number of syllabels. good job
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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A really beautiful presentation to accompany your several Haiku poems. I know that I am not an expert at Haiku so I have learned somethin by reading your work as I thought it had to be exact in the number of syllabels. good job
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Hello my friend,
Syllables in Japanese language are sound base and different than English syllables so it's hard to get the same amount of syllables on both languages. Most English haiku are from 10 to 17 syllables.
Thank you for your review and feedback. You are very kind.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
So, how do you review the Haiku's of the Haiku master?
I can tell you I enjoyed them,
I can tell you they stirred my hear, but
I can't tell you anything to do to improve them. I don't think many on this site can.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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So, how do you review the Haiku's of the Haiku master?
I can tell you I enjoyed them,
I can tell you they stirred my hear, but
I can't tell you anything to do to improve them. I don't think many on this site can.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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I don't understand what you mean about the Haiku master. Who?
I don't know anything about Sonnets but I review them based on face value, mostly the things you named= joy, stirring of heart and soul. I think those are the things that matter the most.
I often get helpful feedback that I use.
I would not dare ask you to review any of my work if it is not suitable for you. Feel free to skip it.
Thank you very much for your review.
Gypsy
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I didn't mean I didn't want to review it, but that I did, only I just had a feeling to share, not any specifics on style. I love your work.
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your feeling about my work is what matters to me.
Thank you :)
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I'm glad you understand. I looked back over my review, and it sounded horrible. Sorry, I've been reviewing so much over the last few days I'm surprised I can put two words together at all....
Comment from judiverse
I notice you give the setting as a rest home. White roots make me think of the residents living there. Excellent wording with "precious imperfections." A life is precious, regardless of what age has done to the person's body. Your third haiku reflects the loneliness these people feel. Their lives are empty with their children grown. They may live a great distance away, with not many opportunities to visit. The woman's hours are lonely. judi
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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I notice you give the setting as a rest home. White roots make me think of the residents living there. Excellent wording with "precious imperfections." A life is precious, regardless of what age has done to the person's body. Your third haiku reflects the loneliness these people feel. Their lives are empty with their children grown. They may live a great distance away, with not many opportunities to visit. The woman's hours are lonely. judi
Comment Written 10-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Judi, you are very kind.
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You're welcome. I love your beautiful signature. judi
