Nashville Trashville - Conclusion
Links to previous chapters in the Notes section19 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
"Frank's actors guild card..." - you kill me! LOL!
"I hoped someone else would be framed..." - HAHAHAHAHA
Your gagging descriptions are TOO EASY TO IMAGINE !!! (eeeee-yuck!) LOL. Or should that really be spelled, "YECH!"
You have more patience than I - I would have been banging on that door immediately - hating to attract the attention, but needing in the room more...
My bitch-hat...LOL. Oh yeah...!!!
Now, I'm done singling out your wonderfully witty words (how's that for alliteration? LOL), but I have to say that this conclusion - those last paragraphs - leave this reader with the most heartwarming feeling of anything I've ever read.
You know this is a six - but it's too late to do anything for it, so I'll save it for the next one.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2016
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"Frank's actors guild card..." - you kill me! LOL!
"I hoped someone else would be framed..." - HAHAHAHAHA
Your gagging descriptions are TOO EASY TO IMAGINE !!! (eeeee-yuck!) LOL. Or should that really be spelled, "YECH!"
You have more patience than I - I would have been banging on that door immediately - hating to attract the attention, but needing in the room more...
My bitch-hat...LOL. Oh yeah...!!!
Now, I'm done singling out your wonderfully witty words (how's that for alliteration? LOL), but I have to say that this conclusion - those last paragraphs - leave this reader with the most heartwarming feeling of anything I've ever read.
You know this is a six - but it's too late to do anything for it, so I'll save it for the next one.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2016
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:D Thank you for another wonderful review, Dear Dawn. I appreciate your feedback as I imagined you reading this :D Great visual for me :D If you didn't watch the video...you MUST! It is h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s!!! I will take a virtual six from you any day :D Have a wonderful day. This is Thanksgiving week for we American's...I count my Canadian friend, Dawn, as one of my blessings. That is for certain. Have a wonderful day!
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I'll bet it is hilarious -I can't though -I'll be upchucking for sure. LOL. (Just another of my weaknesses anymore - aging is SO much fun. LOL)
Have lots of turkey for me - I LOVE the stuff -not mine, since my specialty is either dry or rubbery, and gravy that is weak and watery...sigh...LOL.
Thanks much for the kind words - I feel the same about you. XX
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Do me a quick favor, I'm freaking out...go to my profile thoughts and click on the photo, and tell me if you can access all my photos like I could with yours that time...please and thank you!
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Well, I don't know what to tell you - my laptop is slow these days, but yes, it took me into your bucket BUT twice I still couldn't see anything more than Kellis's photo. The second time a bunch of ads got in the way of trying, so I'll try again...
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Third time's the charm - it said your library was empty.
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Oh sweet, thank you! Yet you could still see Kellis the cat?
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Yes. Sorry for the delay. Problems on laptop -so slow!
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After the Mastercard fiasco, I'm sure I have a flippin' hacker. But if this keeps up, I will report to the RCMP. I might anyway.
Comment from Kelly2
Mary,
Just an update, midstream....I decided a couple of pieces of garlic bread and a chunk of swiss cheese would be just the thing when I saw you had a new post. Alright, fine...plus a small glass of cherry moonshine. You know, as celebration.
Apparently eating while reading your writing is not working out for me. It wasn't because of the puke this time. I have been non-stop laughing and trying to eat garlic bread at the same time, and I nearly choked to death on inhaled garlic bits three times!
I can't stop laughing...I swear I only had two sips of the moonshine. This is the funniest thing I have read in forever!
"or Brunhilda had initiated head rotations emulating Linda Blair in the Exorcist."
(Haven't choked yet)
"He was yet to know of the shit she projectile dropped in Otis #3." (Laughing)
"Frank, this is Ms. Wakeford's M-O-T-H-E-R. (in other words--shut the fooooook up)... " Really laughing out loud now...
" I choked when Frank then stuck his head inside Otis #3 and began dry-heaving as he hit the button combination sending it to the roof or outer space."
Okay, almost actually died at this point, laughing bent over my chair while inhaling garlic bread pieces....the "outer space" did it for me. I had to sit here and just laugh for a few minutes, force myself to breathe....Oh, foooook, I am dying over here. I 86d the garlic bread and still I keep chuckling to myself about this one line....am I gonna make it through this alive?
"At this point, death would have been kinder." OMG, Mary. This paragraph sent me over the edge again...dear God in heaven help me. "puked curdled Merlot all over her pant legs." "Everyone but Frank and I bailed on the fourth floor," " stinky Betty Boop pj's."
" I asked him to back up against the hallway wall; I would return with my ID. I wasn't about to add the potential of a nude and tattoo'd streaker to my weekend disaster bucket list, or to his. " Disaster bucket list....LOL!
"PTSD-Puke Traumatic Stress Disorder. We were an elite group: A mother, a cab driver, Frank the security guard/actor, and poor Joe the custodian. "
Mary! You need to split this up, please! How much can one person take?
"headed toward Frank, still plastered against the wall. Just as I extended my license for his perusal, the fooooooking door to #823 slammed shut behind me, locking me out of our stinky Nashville nest. "
"Twenty-five minutes later I lost my shit and began banging loudly on the wall directly opposite the shower stall, hoping I wouldn't wake up surrounding guests."
"I was LIT.UP! My bitch-hat was in full plume and I wore it without blinders or biting my tongue. "
"I returned to the bathroom to continue the destinktifying process with the camera case, Betty Boop and her dog Pudge now added to the mix. Bar soap took up where shampoo left disgusted, repulsed and drained."
"I felt like I channeled Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest at that very moment. All I needed was the coat hanger. "
Now banging my fist on the desk, hard, in full hysteria.
"With her jacket hanging out the right rear window and her bright green cocktail dress hanging out the left rear window in an attempt to air dry before packing them in our suitcases, we sped off for McEwen. Even her garments seemed to be celebrating fresh crisp air as they waved to the passing cars. Bruni suggested our car looked like the redneck express with the laundry flapping from the windows at 55 m.p.h. and was relieved we didn't know anybody in this neck of the woods."
I seriously wish you could see me laughing my fooooking ass off over here...next time I'm turning on the Go Pro.
I really don't think I have laughed this hard EVER. You need to take this show on the road, like to every teenager who thinks having a baby would be so wonderful... pre-expectant teen moms. Have you seen them on these talk shows? They don't get it. They are really dumb. IT NEVER ENDS!
How about a public service announcement...or maybe an after-school special?
You and I both write about the most horrifying situations, but find the humor in it. Later....much later.
Freaking fantastic job, my friend! LOVED IT!
Kelly
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2016
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Mary,
Just an update, midstream....I decided a couple of pieces of garlic bread and a chunk of swiss cheese would be just the thing when I saw you had a new post. Alright, fine...plus a small glass of cherry moonshine. You know, as celebration.
Apparently eating while reading your writing is not working out for me. It wasn't because of the puke this time. I have been non-stop laughing and trying to eat garlic bread at the same time, and I nearly choked to death on inhaled garlic bits three times!
I can't stop laughing...I swear I only had two sips of the moonshine. This is the funniest thing I have read in forever!
"or Brunhilda had initiated head rotations emulating Linda Blair in the Exorcist."
(Haven't choked yet)
"He was yet to know of the shit she projectile dropped in Otis #3." (Laughing)
"Frank, this is Ms. Wakeford's M-O-T-H-E-R. (in other words--shut the fooooook up)... " Really laughing out loud now...
" I choked when Frank then stuck his head inside Otis #3 and began dry-heaving as he hit the button combination sending it to the roof or outer space."
Okay, almost actually died at this point, laughing bent over my chair while inhaling garlic bread pieces....the "outer space" did it for me. I had to sit here and just laugh for a few minutes, force myself to breathe....Oh, foooook, I am dying over here. I 86d the garlic bread and still I keep chuckling to myself about this one line....am I gonna make it through this alive?
"At this point, death would have been kinder." OMG, Mary. This paragraph sent me over the edge again...dear God in heaven help me. "puked curdled Merlot all over her pant legs." "Everyone but Frank and I bailed on the fourth floor," " stinky Betty Boop pj's."
" I asked him to back up against the hallway wall; I would return with my ID. I wasn't about to add the potential of a nude and tattoo'd streaker to my weekend disaster bucket list, or to his. " Disaster bucket list....LOL!
"PTSD-Puke Traumatic Stress Disorder. We were an elite group: A mother, a cab driver, Frank the security guard/actor, and poor Joe the custodian. "
Mary! You need to split this up, please! How much can one person take?
"headed toward Frank, still plastered against the wall. Just as I extended my license for his perusal, the fooooooking door to #823 slammed shut behind me, locking me out of our stinky Nashville nest. "
"Twenty-five minutes later I lost my shit and began banging loudly on the wall directly opposite the shower stall, hoping I wouldn't wake up surrounding guests."
"I was LIT.UP! My bitch-hat was in full plume and I wore it without blinders or biting my tongue. "
"I returned to the bathroom to continue the destinktifying process with the camera case, Betty Boop and her dog Pudge now added to the mix. Bar soap took up where shampoo left disgusted, repulsed and drained."
"I felt like I channeled Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest at that very moment. All I needed was the coat hanger. "
Now banging my fist on the desk, hard, in full hysteria.
"With her jacket hanging out the right rear window and her bright green cocktail dress hanging out the left rear window in an attempt to air dry before packing them in our suitcases, we sped off for McEwen. Even her garments seemed to be celebrating fresh crisp air as they waved to the passing cars. Bruni suggested our car looked like the redneck express with the laundry flapping from the windows at 55 m.p.h. and was relieved we didn't know anybody in this neck of the woods."
I seriously wish you could see me laughing my fooooking ass off over here...next time I'm turning on the Go Pro.
I really don't think I have laughed this hard EVER. You need to take this show on the road, like to every teenager who thinks having a baby would be so wonderful... pre-expectant teen moms. Have you seen them on these talk shows? They don't get it. They are really dumb. IT NEVER ENDS!
How about a public service announcement...or maybe an after-school special?
You and I both write about the most horrifying situations, but find the humor in it. Later....much later.
Freaking fantastic job, my friend! LOVED IT!
Kelly
Comment Written 23-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2016
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LOL, you always put a smile on my face, whether it's in reading your own style of hilariousness, or review something of mine. The GoPro is genius...please please please!! That could be a hit reality show...Fanstorians Review! You lost me at 86'd the garlic bread :) That did not end well for Mama Cass Elliot, you know.
You are one of my greatest joys on this site. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, Kelly, with your family. I can just imagine your mom and her cats eating their ready made cornish hen Thanksgiving kit on tray tables while the lonely ant is circling the drain in the garden tub two rooms away.
XO!
Comment from Nika2016
This was hilarious reminding me of when we cleared the passenger deck of the boat to Catalina when my son projectile vomited pink Pepto Bismol everywhere....omg ..how embarrassing...
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reply by the author on 22-Nov-2016
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This was hilarious reminding me of when we cleared the passenger deck of the boat to Catalina when my son projectile vomited pink Pepto Bismol everywhere....omg ..how embarrassing...
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Comment Written 22-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2016
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Hi Nika, thank you for your RR&R and we did the Catalina boat ride many years ago out of Long Beach. People were dropping like flies and hurlling chum for the dolphins off all three decks, so I completely know where you were coming from with your son.
The entire second deck of the ferry contained people laying on the floor head to toe! We were spared, but the water was choppy that day... Have a great evening and thank you again, for the review.
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:)
Comment from Sis Cat
Mary, this is fantastic. I love how you took a tragic, disastrous incident and saw the humor and absurdity in it enough to weave this entertaining story. What stood out is the energy and wit of your prose, for example, "I felt like I channeled Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest at that very moment." Ha! This is dynamic writing and fun writing. You also have a good sense of voice to convey your story.
Thank you for sharing your talent. You inspire me.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2016
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Mary, this is fantastic. I love how you took a tragic, disastrous incident and saw the humor and absurdity in it enough to weave this entertaining story. What stood out is the energy and wit of your prose, for example, "I felt like I channeled Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest at that very moment." Ha! This is dynamic writing and fun writing. You also have a good sense of voice to convey your story.
Thank you for sharing your talent. You inspire me.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2016
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Hi Andre, what a wonderful review you have given this concluding chapter on Nashville Trashville. Thank you so much! I especially loved hearing you reference the Joan Crawford line...I wasn't sure if a lot of reviewers would remember that book, or her. As we celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday, I am thankful for my wonderful friends and reviewers here at FS. You are the best, Andre. Thank you for the fabulous SIX, too!
Comment from KjSilver
So foooking hilarious. The witty back-and-forth with Brunhilda kills me. The big mistake of the day, and I should have learned from reading your previous post, is don't foooking eat ravioli while reading about Nashville. Can't use shampoo on a GD laptop.
Thank you for ten minutes of laughter and ten minutes of cleaning my laptop.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2016
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So foooking hilarious. The witty back-and-forth with Brunhilda kills me. The big mistake of the day, and I should have learned from reading your previous post, is don't foooking eat ravioli while reading about Nashville. Can't use shampoo on a GD laptop.
Thank you for ten minutes of laughter and ten minutes of cleaning my laptop.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2016
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LOL, you HAD ME in hysterics as I read this. I'm sorry about the ravioli infused keyboard, think of it this way, it could have been Merlot Puke! See, I made it better already, didn't I? Brunhilda is the real star, and let me tell you, it's getting to her head. She is pretty much becoming a diva. Thank you for your wonderful review and kind words on this writing! Have a great evening. We are off to see Adele...I can't wait to count out the number of times she drops the F bomb--Bruni wants to introduce her to the FOOOOOOK alternative. :D
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Nothing short of six stars will do for this funnybone tickler of a write, Mary! You gave me so many good laughs here.
To those readers just reading for the first time, you gave an excellent recap of what happened previously to bring your reader up to speed.
Extremely well written, with great humour, creating many funny visions for your reader. I loved it all! I felt very sorry for the poor fellow who had to clean the elevator ... HAAAUUUKKK!
For me ... Bruni stole the show again! Some clever techniques used there by you, such as "my Bruni's head rotations" (with my crossed over), "Brunhilda demanded her own room", the car looking like "the redneck express". You masterfully tell something very funny, and then you let Bruni come in for the punch line ... brilliant!
The parts that really tickled my funnybone are:
- "If I were a clam I would have steamed myself to death right there on the spot"
- "she was sure Frank was getting ready to execute a somersault on the slick
marble floor" (this line gave me the biggest laugh and funniest image!)
- "Frank stuck his head inside Otis # 3 and began dry-heaving"
- "impersonation of my drunken monkey" (too funny!)
- "even her garments seemed to celebrate fresh clean air"
Your ending was excellent. All was forgiven, you got to reconnect with your past, and Bruni has your back and is worrying about the future for you. :)
Connie
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2016
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Nothing short of six stars will do for this funnybone tickler of a write, Mary! You gave me so many good laughs here.
To those readers just reading for the first time, you gave an excellent recap of what happened previously to bring your reader up to speed.
Extremely well written, with great humour, creating many funny visions for your reader. I loved it all! I felt very sorry for the poor fellow who had to clean the elevator ... HAAAUUUKKK!
For me ... Bruni stole the show again! Some clever techniques used there by you, such as "my Bruni's head rotations" (with my crossed over), "Brunhilda demanded her own room", the car looking like "the redneck express". You masterfully tell something very funny, and then you let Bruni come in for the punch line ... brilliant!
The parts that really tickled my funnybone are:
- "If I were a clam I would have steamed myself to death right there on the spot"
- "she was sure Frank was getting ready to execute a somersault on the slick
marble floor" (this line gave me the biggest laugh and funniest image!)
- "Frank stuck his head inside Otis # 3 and began dry-heaving"
- "impersonation of my drunken monkey" (too funny!)
- "even her garments seemed to celebrate fresh clean air"
Your ending was excellent. All was forgiven, you got to reconnect with your past, and Bruni has your back and is worrying about the future for you. :)
Connie
Comment Written 21-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2016
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Hi Connie, what a wonderful review you have given this concluding chapter on Nashville Trashville. Thank you so much! I especially loved hearing your favorite lines...they are mine, too ;) As Amercian's celebrate Thanksgiving on Thursday, I am thankful for my wonderful friends and reviewers here at FS. You are the best, Connie. Thank you for the fabulous SIX, too! XO
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That's right, you will be having your Thanksgiving on the 24th, so I will wish you now a happy Thanksgiving with your family. We have much to be thankful for, that's for sure. When I see on the news what is going on in other parts of the world, it really does make me count my blessings. We had our Thanksgiving in Canada on October 10th (your Colombus Day).
I'm headed to Mexico this Friday for vacation, and will catch up with you when I get back home.
Keep well, and all the best to you, Mary! xoxo
Comment from MelB
I don't think there is anything worse than red vomit! I got a great visual of the Betty Boop PJ's and walking through the lobby! LOL. This is one of those things you can laugh at later, but not at the time.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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I don't think there is anything worse than red vomit! I got a great visual of the Betty Boop PJ's and walking through the lobby! LOL. This is one of those things you can laugh at later, but not at the time.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Hi Melissa, thank you for your RR&R. I appreciate your feedback and following this story all the way through. Would you believe I still have those Betty Boop pj's! Thank you again, and have a great week! :-)
Comment from Spitfire
Interesting note about your daughter marrying her junior high crush. You're a trip--forgetting to bring your ID, locking yourself out, etc. Seems you were at the mercy of your children. I bet this is one adventure they will never forget. Will they pass the story on to their own children about what great role models they were back then. LOL
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Interesting note about your daughter marrying her junior high crush. You're a trip--forgetting to bring your ID, locking yourself out, etc. Seems you were at the mercy of your children. I bet this is one adventure they will never forget. Will they pass the story on to their own children about what great role models they were back then. LOL
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Hi Shari, thank you for your RR&R! I appreciate you hanging in for the complete story. I didn't forget my ID...he didn't tell me over the phone I needed it to claim hers. :/ Future family trips included my husband sho we could double team them! Thanks, Shari, for the awesome review. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Comment from LaRosa
The imagination of this author has no bounds! PTSD, puke traumatic stress disorder, of course..."Bitch hat in full plume" (where do you come up with these? Awesomeness
I was wondering when Hilda would have a few HAAUUUKKK'S of her own.
descriptions of the slip and slide night were so real, gave me the creeps. How fun to be a mom!
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2016
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The imagination of this author has no bounds! PTSD, puke traumatic stress disorder, of course..."Bitch hat in full plume" (where do you come up with these? Awesomeness
I was wondering when Hilda would have a few HAAUUUKKK'S of her own.
descriptions of the slip and slide night were so real, gave me the creeps. How fun to be a mom!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2016
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Hi LaRosa, what a wonderful review you have given me and my first six on the chapter! Thank you so very much. My daughter (former Ms. Drunkey) and son-in-law stopped by earlier today and I read her the final two chapters. She was dying laughing and said, "I wonder if the people reading this don't think this is 100% true, because no one could believe it, but it was!" As far as your question goes as to how I come up with references, I have no idea, I start typing and they just pop into my head! Brunhilda is now chirping in my head that it is all her :) Have a wonderful week, happy Thanksgiving, and thank you again for your fabulous review and beautiful SIX! I appreciate you!
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:) and to Bruni too :)
Comment from Ric Myworld
I have to say that reading your story has been fun and entertaining, and I would bet I've enjoyed it much more than you did experiencing or remembering it. Although, it's always more fun to look back on some of these fiascos. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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I have to say that reading your story has been fun and entertaining, and I would bet I've enjoyed it much more than you did experiencing or remembering it. Although, it's always more fun to look back on some of these fiascos. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Hi Ric, thank you for your RR&R. I'm so happy you enjoyed the story, and hung in for the ending. I appreciate your continued interest and follow. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
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You do the same thing dear, have a wonderful Thanksgiving! But stay away from Nashville Trashville.
