Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Chapter One part Zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
36 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
Anderson Sharp shifted his car into gear. "Right away, Ma'am." He heard Shana gulp. "Do you always jump into strange men's cars and order them to drive?" - Thank you, my point exactly Anderson.
"I'm sure of it." Shana chewed her lower lip for a moment. "You know what? This was a bad idea." She reached for the door handle. "Thank you for the ride." - Oh now she wants to get a clue, seriously.
He refused to accept the few dollars cash. - This one line reads a bit off. Maybe either dollars or cash, few people would use both since each term is interchangeable.
Oh goodness is Shana really going to be the damsel in distress with ditzy leanings? And Anderson - Dude needs to back away now, Shana's gonna get him into a whole lot of drama.
Okay, so I'm fussing at the Characters - Translation, darn good read.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2018
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Anderson Sharp shifted his car into gear. "Right away, Ma'am." He heard Shana gulp. "Do you always jump into strange men's cars and order them to drive?" - Thank you, my point exactly Anderson.
"I'm sure of it." Shana chewed her lower lip for a moment. "You know what? This was a bad idea." She reached for the door handle. "Thank you for the ride." - Oh now she wants to get a clue, seriously.
He refused to accept the few dollars cash. - This one line reads a bit off. Maybe either dollars or cash, few people would use both since each term is interchangeable.
Oh goodness is Shana really going to be the damsel in distress with ditzy leanings? And Anderson - Dude needs to back away now, Shana's gonna get him into a whole lot of drama.
Okay, so I'm fussing at the Characters - Translation, darn good read.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2018
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Thank you for the fun review. I enjoyed reading it and I fixed the cash issue.
Comment from Delahay
I finally noticed the part about recovering relics so I guess that has something to do with why these men are following her. This must have something to do with the lost collection in Germany.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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I finally noticed the part about recovering relics so I guess that has something to do with why these men are following her. This must have something to do with the lost collection in Germany.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2016
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There are still many stolen artworks trying to be reclaimed from WWII today. Thank you.
Comment from Ben Colder
Have another thriller going. So far interesting. I could see her about half out of her wits. The car ride built interest. Good way to introduce a character yet to come into play.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Have another thriller going. So far interesting. I could see her about half out of her wits. The car ride built interest. Good way to introduce a character yet to come into play.
Comment Written 18-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the encouraging review. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from crybry67
I enjoyed reading this. I like Shana, she seems smart and sassy. I thought your story flowed smoothly, characters we can identify with...intrigue and danger...
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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I enjoyed reading this. I like Shana, she seems smart and sassy. I thought your story flowed smoothly, characters we can identify with...intrigue and danger...
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from MelB
A very interesting and suspenseful chapter. Of course, I want to know who these people are and why they are chasing her and what is in the satchel.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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A very interesting and suspenseful chapter. Of course, I want to know who these people are and why they are chasing her and what is in the satchel.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barbara,
I like the way this is starting out. I like the suspense style that underlies the opening, hooking the reader into wanting to read more and wanting to see what those men are doing following her. Great job!
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Barbara,
I like the way this is starting out. I like the suspense style that underlies the opening, hooking the reader into wanting to read more and wanting to see what those men are doing following her. Great job!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from mbroyles2
I'm not much for romance (Don't tell my wife), but I love suspense.
You delivered right from the start.
Anderson is a mystery himself although the men in the lobby might pose more of a threat.
The pace was quick, the conversation quicker.
Anderson seems pushy and Shana reluctant.
Is this the romance?
Must read more.
Great job!
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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I'm not much for romance (Don't tell my wife), but I love suspense.
You delivered right from the start.
Anderson is a mystery himself although the men in the lobby might pose more of a threat.
The pace was quick, the conversation quicker.
Anderson seems pushy and Shana reluctant.
Is this the romance?
Must read more.
Great job!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the encouragement. It is a romance, but as you can already tell. I am not the typical romance writer.
Comment from Sefiros
Crazy men, young girls, gallant gentlemen -- this piece has everything and more. While I would have liked a bit more car scenes (love those in action scenes), the moments between Shana and Drew were sweet and confused (jumping into a man's car has to be awkward). Good job.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Crazy men, young girls, gallant gentlemen -- this piece has everything and more. While I would have liked a bit more car scenes (love those in action scenes), the moments between Shana and Drew were sweet and confused (jumping into a man's car has to be awkward). Good job.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the encouragement. I have missed you. Glad you're back.
Comment from KjSilver
Fantastic writing.
I didn't find any errors in the story; the only one that I found was in the paragraph at the end where you talk about your story (. . . your reviews and help and support [your] give me.)
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Fantastic writing.
I didn't find any errors in the story; the only one that I found was in the paragraph at the end where you talk about your story (. . . your reviews and help and support [your] give me.)
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and I will fix that.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
She appears to have the scene figured out and realizes the danger awaiting her in the hotel lobby.
Good characterizations used throughout the telling of this story.
The ending seems to eliminate much of the suspense of the story however. At least for this reader it does.
1 - the reader knows the woman is being chased by three men
2 - the reader knows the driver is probably in cahoots with the three men
3 - the reader knows that something, probably dangerous, awaits the woman in the hotel lobby
Since this is Chapter One of the story would prefer to have seen more build-up before the woman figures 2 and 3 out.
Many possibilities where this story could go from here.
Be interesting to see what direction you take the story line.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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She appears to have the scene figured out and realizes the danger awaiting her in the hotel lobby.
Good characterizations used throughout the telling of this story.
The ending seems to eliminate much of the suspense of the story however. At least for this reader it does.
1 - the reader knows the woman is being chased by three men
2 - the reader knows the driver is probably in cahoots with the three men
3 - the reader knows that something, probably dangerous, awaits the woman in the hotel lobby
Since this is Chapter One of the story would prefer to have seen more build-up before the woman figures 2 and 3 out.
Many possibilities where this story could go from here.
Be interesting to see what direction you take the story line.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2016
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Hmmmm, you have my interest up with the review. I guess we will have to wait for the next post. Thank you for the kind review.
