Street Racing, Need For Speed
Taught Him A Lesson He Won't Forget2 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
A good premise to hang your story upon and a fine moral ending.
Be careful of repetition. I think in the first paragraph you mentioned street racing four times. It may be an idea to come up with some other way of referring to it.
Especially at 2:00 in the am. When everyone else was supposed to be asleep. - this would be better as one sentence.
The first paragraph is also repetitive in erms of the time and families street racing for.
describes it as a typically an unsanctioned and illegal form of auto racing - think about deleting 'typical' here. it is unsanctioned and illegal.
down town - downtown.
The race is usually called the quarter mile - that's drag racing, not street racing per se. You also need end punctuation here.
a few of the others beers - others'.
The tense of the piece varies throughout the read.
Cars and people from all around came to stand around. They were there to watch the race.
- the second sentence here is redundant.
Mikes love of cars - Mike's.
He was holding his hand in front of Mikes car. - Mike's.
and the had to use the jaws - they.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
Hi there,
A good premise to hang your story upon and a fine moral ending.
Be careful of repetition. I think in the first paragraph you mentioned street racing four times. It may be an idea to come up with some other way of referring to it.
Especially at 2:00 in the am. When everyone else was supposed to be asleep. - this would be better as one sentence.
The first paragraph is also repetitive in erms of the time and families street racing for.
describes it as a typically an unsanctioned and illegal form of auto racing - think about deleting 'typical' here. it is unsanctioned and illegal.
down town - downtown.
The race is usually called the quarter mile - that's drag racing, not street racing per se. You also need end punctuation here.
a few of the others beers - others'.
The tense of the piece varies throughout the read.
Cars and people from all around came to stand around. They were there to watch the race.
- the second sentence here is redundant.
Mikes love of cars - Mike's.
He was holding his hand in front of Mikes car. - Mike's.
and the had to use the jaws - they.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2016
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thank you so much
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
An incredible story that sounds like something that could really happen. You have done a great job of bringing up a problem that affects many in a particular subculture of illegal racing.
Great job, and good luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2016
An incredible story that sounds like something that could really happen. You have done a great job of bringing up a problem that affects many in a particular subculture of illegal racing.
Great job, and good luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 04-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2016
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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LIKING THIS