Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

A very good entry into this tired old prompt. Great tone to the place and the linking with the classics is very good.

Kitty and Lydia just listened, their eyes big as saucers. - I think you are a much better writer than needing to rely on clichés.

You're not one to talk yourself - not sure the ;not' should be in there.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 26-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2016

I've removed the 'their eyes big as saucers' and used 'too excited to say anything' instead.
I've also removed the offending not (as usual you're right).
Thanks for reading and for noticing those things.

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

A very good story. Some things are meant to be.
It's written in the stars or in Austen's book or whatever
Might as well just go with it.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2016

Thanks, Thomas.

Comment from RodG

Excellent

This is delightful! Not a parody of a Bronte book, but reminiscent of P & P. I truly like the main character Lizzie who (like her namesake) has a mind of her own. The plot surprisingly seems plausible and that last scene was wonderful. I don't know if there is a word limit to this contest, but if not, I would ask for a bit more descriptive detail of the characters, especially the men. Otherwise, this is a strong entry and should do well.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Oct-2016

Thanks for your very kind review, Rod.