Flower in the Attic
Lives are short from birth to death.56 total reviews
Comment from oliver818
Nice poem. I like the use of b's. Attics are good for hiding everything, though I imagine the plant wouldn't survive forever. Thanks for sharing and good luck with the contest
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Nice poem. I like the use of b's. Attics are good for hiding everything, though I imagine the plant wouldn't survive forever. Thanks for sharing and good luck with the contest
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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oliver818: this is a metaphor about infancy to growing old and being moved out of the way into the attic. Remember the book series, "Flowers in the Attic"? Thanks for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from Ravenwing2
Wow, there was no thought put into this or too much! I did like where it was going,but before it had a chance to go, it turned into a ghost. IT Quit! And the last part didn't have a home in it or less a foundation. The lil bit you did share. Maybe could have been something. But it halted too soon. THE END. my friend. But thanks for sharing.
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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Wow, there was no thought put into this or too much! I did like where it was going,but before it had a chance to go, it turned into a ghost. IT Quit! And the last part didn't have a home in it or less a foundation. The lil bit you did share. Maybe could have been something. But it halted too soon. THE END. my friend. But thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Ravenwing2: I'm beginning to think that you are one of those people who make themselves feel better by slamming others. Unfortunately, you are not very bright. This poem is a contest entry for a 2-10-2 poem . . . this means it had to be written in 14 syllables with two syllables in the first line, ten syllables in the second line and two more syllables in the third line. These and haikus are the most difficult to write because you have to make a strong picture with few words. Twenty other reviewers stated that I did an excellent job doing just that. Perhaps you are reading too quickly in order to accumulate lots of points and, therefore, miss what is there. Or, perhaps, you are a college student who has had a couple poetry classes and thinks he/she knows everything about poetry. Or, perhaps you are not qualified to be on this site.
Well, I can thank you for nothing. A review is to point out the good things and helpful hints for improvement but you have done nothing but been shamefully rude. As I went back to read your 'review', I notice that you don't even have a rudimentary grasp of writing the English language. Perhaps you should begin at your own computer with learning how to write proper sentences and how to use punctuation. livelylinda
Comment from LIJ Red
You did an excellent job here with the two ten two form, which is above my head as far as calling a sentence fragment a literary work. But it fits the prompt, and carries the message, so it must be excellent.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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You did an excellent job here with the two ten two form, which is above my head as far as calling a sentence fragment a literary work. But it fits the prompt, and carries the message, so it must be excellent.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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LlJRed: Awwwwwww . . . since when do poems have complete and proper sentences??? They DON'T. And, of course, you missed the good poetic stuff like the alliteration throughout, the fact that I used the proper syllable count for all three lines of a 2/10/1 poem, etc. I thought you knew something about poetry . . . could I have been wrong about that, too? Have another cup of coffee and wake up before you bruise anyone else with your negative words this morning! livelylinda
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Bruises? Should be no bruises. Five stars and the word excellent are the bottom line, for the alliteration and proper count.
Comment from Bollie
This is a very clever and creative poem about how our position changes in life as we age. I love the four B's in the second line. Really nice job, keep up the good work. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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This is a very clever and creative poem about how our position changes in life as we age. I love the four B's in the second line. Really nice job, keep up the good work. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Bollie, for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from Gloria ....
Author you have captured an interesting thought in just a few short words. How horrible that once your beauty is gone and you're old you get stuck in the attic. Yeeesh.
Nonetheless a great job and best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Author you have captured an interesting thought in just a few short words. How horrible that once your beauty is gone and you're old you get stuck in the attic. Yeeesh.
Nonetheless a great job and best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Gloria, for reading and commenting. livelylinda
Comment from Julia.
Not quite sure I get this one. Are you talking literally about flowers, or figuratively about people--or both? The alliteration of the 'b' is quite nice; it really makes the second line pop. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Not quite sure I get this one. Are you talking literally about flowers, or figuratively about people--or both? The alliteration of the 'b' is quite nice; it really makes the second line pop. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Julia: . . . think 'metaphor' with alliteration for a 2/10/2 contest. I recently moved into a large house with several assorted people from my church (no, not a commune), ages 11 to 68 (me). My bedroom is on the second floor where the roof is slanted and I thought of being in the attic. Then I thought about the book series, "Flowers in the Attic", laughed out loud and quickly wrote this poem. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Linda
Comment from l.raven
you are so right...and as you get older ...it goes bye faster....live everyday like it is your last....very well written...and a perfect picture...love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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you are so right...and as you get older ...it goes bye faster....live everyday like it is your last....very well written...and a perfect picture...love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Hi Linda! Since my bedroom is on the second floor and the roof slants, I thought of being sent to live in the attic like the book series, "Flowers in the Attic". I laughed out loud when I had the thought, then came up with the metaphor for this 2/10/2 contest. Thank you for reading. I hope your neck isn't giving you too much pain, my friend. Linda, also
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you are so very welcome...still got a pain in the neck...working on it...love xxoo
Comment from Nika2016
Five for thought...Who puts grandmother in the attic ?
The poem leaves a strange feeling whether person or dried flower.
Colors are nice.
Maybe I misunderstood it.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Five for thought...Who puts grandmother in the attic ?
The poem leaves a strange feeling whether person or dried flower.
Colors are nice.
Maybe I misunderstood it.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Nika2016: Are you familiar with the book series by VC Andrews, "Flowers in the Attic"? I recently moved into a large house with several friends and my bedroom is on the second floor where the roof slants. As I was arranging my room, I thought about being 68 years of age and moving into the 'attic'. It is a metaphor about growing old. Thank you for reading and commenting. livelylinda
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OK... not familiar with series...
Familiar with attics..lol...
Comment from Bill O'Bier
Your brief words are expressive with terrific alliteration and the arrangement with the artwork fits well. Thanks for sharing this piece. Good luck in this contest.
Wishing you all the best...
Bill
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Your brief words are expressive with terrific alliteration and the arrangement with the artwork fits well. Thanks for sharing this piece. Good luck in this contest.
Wishing you all the best...
Bill
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Thank you, Bill O'Bier! livelylinda
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very difficult style of poetry to write. You do a great job at it. A friend showed me a poem he wrote that he said was HAIku. It was eighteen stanzas. I told him it wasn't Haiku.
He said, "Yes it is. A guy in a bar told me."
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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This is a very difficult style of poetry to write. You do a great job at it. A friend showed me a poem he wrote that he said was HAIku. It was eighteen stanzas. I told him it wasn't Haiku.
He said, "Yes it is. A guy in a bar told me."
Comment Written 15-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2016
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Thomas: thank you so much for reading and commenting.
I also have met a man in a bar/restaurant who told me he wrote haiku because it was easy. I told him if he thought it was easy, then he wasn't doing it right. What he was writing could more closely be classified as senyru. When I first heard of haiku poetry, I went on-line to several different sites to learn all I could about writing it. I occasionally write one of those but no one seems to know how to critique them because they don't know how to write them! Live and learn. livelylinda
