The Gathering
naani contest entry6 total reviews
Comment from DonandVicki
A very interesting and imaginative poetic verse. I get the feeling of two people who are getting older and love doesn't come as easy. Brittle and falling apart.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
A very interesting and imaginative poetic verse. I get the feeling of two people who are getting older and love doesn't come as easy. Brittle and falling apart.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
-
Thank you for the very interesting review. In my mind, it's about death and life's cycle. But I really like your version too, it pleases me when my writing evokes a completely different emotion than my intention. It's a sign that the piece is provocative.
Comment from KyColonel Randal
Thank you for sharing. I count 5-9-5-6 syllables, for a total of 25 syllables in this poem. That appears to meet the criteria laid out for this contest. I believe your theme should qualify as well. Good luck with your contest entry!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
Thank you for sharing. I count 5-9-5-6 syllables, for a total of 25 syllables in this poem. That appears to meet the criteria laid out for this contest. I believe your theme should qualify as well. Good luck with your contest entry!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
-
Thank you so much for the review.
Comment from Taffspride
I am so glad I had a six to give you for this excellent naani.
The picture is so vivid, but also a little sad. The thought of winter makes me shiver. But you capture the human emotion side here so well.
I think you have an excellent entry for the contest, and I wish you luck.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
I am so glad I had a six to give you for this excellent naani.
The picture is so vivid, but also a little sad. The thought of winter makes me shiver. But you capture the human emotion side here so well.
I think you have an excellent entry for the contest, and I wish you luck.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2016
-
Ann, I am so glad this one pleased you. I actually have been working on it for a while, but it just wouldn't come together for me. It was originally going to be a tanka, but I think it works better as a naani. As always your exceptional reviews mean a great deal to me, because you know how these forms work. Thank you so much for your support. Hugs Val
Comment from zanya
A wonderful dusting and overlay of Philosophy in this NAANI as it reflects upon oneof life's great mysteries our mortality and eventual disappearance from the planet
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
A wonderful dusting and overlay of Philosophy in this NAANI as it reflects upon oneof life's great mysteries our mortality and eventual disappearance from the planet
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
-
Thank you, this is exactly the kind of review I was looking for.
Comment from krys123
Hello Val;
-I really like the descriptive and very vividly expressive imagery used in this Naani which is beautifully written and effectively productive in creating both a metaphorical image a great subjective theme.
-Not that I'm trying into your affairs as much as I'm trying to suggest a smoother reading what would you think of this:
We fade and detach
just as brittle leaves weather and fall
WITH late Autumn winds
gathering our Winter souls.
-just a suggestion that I thought about two fluidly low the reading of your great poem.
-Good luck in the contest Val and take care and have a good one.
Alex
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
Hello Val;
-I really like the descriptive and very vividly expressive imagery used in this Naani which is beautifully written and effectively productive in creating both a metaphorical image a great subjective theme.
-Not that I'm trying into your affairs as much as I'm trying to suggest a smoother reading what would you think of this:
We fade and detach
just as brittle leaves weather and fall
WITH late Autumn winds
gathering our Winter souls.
-just a suggestion that I thought about two fluidly low the reading of your great poem.
-Good luck in the contest Val and take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
-
Great idea Alex. I will give it serious thought, and I always appreciate help. Thank you for the review. Val
-
You are very welcome Val.
Alex
-
Also if you want to get rid of any ING words in a tanker which is really important to some people you can just say "to gather our Winters souls" were treating more effective.
Alex
-
I took your advice with "with late Autumn winds" but I just am not ready to change the last line. And you can always get into my affairs, far poetry goes. LOL None the less, thank you
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting Naani poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. Good luck in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
This is a very interesting Naani poem you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. Good luck in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 07-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2016
-
Thank you for the lovely review.
-
you are so welcome. Teri