The Door
I opened the door13 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
What is it with the police blaming or ignoring the rape victim?
We hear about it all the time. Rape cases never investigated/prosecuted. They say the woman just wanted to get even with her husband or boy friend when there are obvious signs of physical abuse and rape.
Your dialogue only vigette pulled me in immediately and remained realistic.
And as you can see, it made me angry. She didn't deserve to be insulted and not believed.
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As for your notes. I'm glad you managed to close the door or your post might have been true.
Pulling from your true experience certainly added to the posts reality--especially, the horrible officer.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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What is it with the police blaming or ignoring the rape victim?
We hear about it all the time. Rape cases never investigated/prosecuted. They say the woman just wanted to get even with her husband or boy friend when there are obvious signs of physical abuse and rape.
Your dialogue only vigette pulled me in immediately and remained realistic.
And as you can see, it made me angry. She didn't deserve to be insulted and not believed.
***
As for your notes. I'm glad you managed to close the door or your post might have been true.
Pulling from your true experience certainly added to the posts reality--especially, the horrible officer.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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That happened more than thirty years ago and I can still feel the humiliation I felt after that officer questioned me. I am grateful that it did not end up worse. Your words help me because I should have reported him instead I just accepted it and moved on.
Comment from Judy Couch
Unfortunately there are enough people who are willing to make up stories in order to get others into trouble that the cops have to be the bad guys sometimes. You told the story well. I liked your use of dialog though out it.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Unfortunately there are enough people who are willing to make up stories in order to get others into trouble that the cops have to be the bad guys sometimes. You told the story well. I liked your use of dialog though out it.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2016
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Yes, I have actually seen that at the high school I teach at. I have seen a girl exaggerate what happened to them. However, on that night , I put my trust in the police to protect me. Instead, the one cop made it perfectly clear that in his mind, I opened the door, I wanted something to happen. It is so hard to balance the truth from lies. It has been at least thirty years and the way that cop talked to me still hurts.
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, I think you can count your lucky star that you got that door closed and locked. It's a sad state of affairs the police so very often think it's the victim's own fault. It's as if they are saying 'well, you asked for it.' It's sexist and chauvinism of the worst kind. Your story is very well written. Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Hi there, I think you can count your lucky star that you got that door closed and locked. It's a sad state of affairs the police so very often think it's the victim's own fault. It's as if they are saying 'well, you asked for it.' It's sexist and chauvinism of the worst kind. Your story is very well written. Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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thank you, Yes. It was so humiliating. I did open the door. Everything I said was true. I will never forget that night.
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Of course you wouldn't. Very shocking. :))
Comment from J.T.B
Good writing, and you captured the mood in the conversation spot on. I was getting pissed! That is exactly why I advocate for responsible gun ownership. That asshole would have a hard time pulling that off with a 45. shoved up his ass. Cops can't prevent crime, they can only respond. In the 10-20 min, or more, that it takes them to show up, the deeds done, and usually the innocent person is dead or ruined forever. We have got to put the fear of death into the animals. That's easy to accomplish when they understand all the sheep on the street are packing heat! Pro second amendment, pro self-defense! Hopefully if that ever happens again, you'll only need to be counseled through your survivors guilt.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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Good writing, and you captured the mood in the conversation spot on. I was getting pissed! That is exactly why I advocate for responsible gun ownership. That asshole would have a hard time pulling that off with a 45. shoved up his ass. Cops can't prevent crime, they can only respond. In the 10-20 min, or more, that it takes them to show up, the deeds done, and usually the innocent person is dead or ruined forever. We have got to put the fear of death into the animals. That's easy to accomplish when they understand all the sheep on the street are packing heat! Pro second amendment, pro self-defense! Hopefully if that ever happens again, you'll only need to be counseled through your survivors guilt.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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thank you, and God Bless. Yes, I do believe in the second amendment. I was so humiliated by the way they talked to me. It was scary. I was to blame. I did open the door. I told them that and that is why they didn't believe me.
Comment from winnona
This is a very well written entry. The sad thing is that is probably exactly the way the police would handle it. I think you did well completing,the challenge for the contest. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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This is a very well written entry. The sad thing is that is probably exactly the way the police would handle it. I think you did well completing,the challenge for the contest. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2016
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unfortunately that is how they handled it. When I called the police they played good cop/bad cop. The bad cop acted like I was so stupid. I was honest. They made me feel stupid. Thank you Winnona for understanding.
Comment from cupa tea
this is a good story...I'd just go back and replace . with ! when the character gets upset...
"Yes, I'm sure. I took NyQuil about 7:30."
I'm thinking that the person talking is getting a bit mad...don't you think a ! in this sentence would be better then a . period?
"No, I never knew the guy. I thought I knew him when I opened the door."
raising your voice needs a ! not a .
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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this is a good story...I'd just go back and replace . with ! when the character gets upset...
"Yes, I'm sure. I took NyQuil about 7:30."
I'm thinking that the person talking is getting a bit mad...don't you think a ! in this sentence would be better then a . period?
"No, I never knew the guy. I thought I knew him when I opened the door."
raising your voice needs a ! not a .
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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I think you are absolutely right !!!! I will go back and change it. Thank you so much .
Comment from Alex Rosel
Some individual points:
An non-too interesting couple of sentences, and then you hit the reader with "At three o'clock in the morning? Why would you do that?". I like how you've constructed that opening. Many would have omitted the first two sentences, thinking that they needed to begin with a impact, reader's hook, sentence. But, I prefer the way you've structured it. It's well crafted.
You've broken the monotony of the short sentence exchange with the paragraph that starts with The facts are simple. I.... That was needed and you obviously are aware of it, avoiding it again later on in the piece. A thumbs up from me for that.
"You don't need to raise your voice." - I'm glad you've given this information to the reader via dialogue instead of in a tag. It preserves the structure.
The killer is the last paragraph. Excellent.
Overall:
This is a nice easy read. You handle the dialogue well. You don't include unnecessary tags, and yet it is clear who's speaking. This approach gives the prose pace and immediacy. I particularly liked your appended notes, they drove home the seriousness of the point you're making. Well done. I hope to have the time and opportunity to read more of your work
Keep writing :-)
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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Some individual points:
An non-too interesting couple of sentences, and then you hit the reader with "At three o'clock in the morning? Why would you do that?". I like how you've constructed that opening. Many would have omitted the first two sentences, thinking that they needed to begin with a impact, reader's hook, sentence. But, I prefer the way you've structured it. It's well crafted.
You've broken the monotony of the short sentence exchange with the paragraph that starts with The facts are simple. I.... That was needed and you obviously are aware of it, avoiding it again later on in the piece. A thumbs up from me for that.
"You don't need to raise your voice." - I'm glad you've given this information to the reader via dialogue instead of in a tag. It preserves the structure.
The killer is the last paragraph. Excellent.
Overall:
This is a nice easy read. You handle the dialogue well. You don't include unnecessary tags, and yet it is clear who's speaking. This approach gives the prose pace and immediacy. I particularly liked your appended notes, they drove home the seriousness of the point you're making. Well done. I hope to have the time and opportunity to read more of your work
Keep writing :-)
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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thank you so much. I am so encouraged by your words. I have received interesting comments on this. One even said, well that kind of policeman might have talked that way twenty years ago, but I am sure they would never do that today. Sorry, not true. There are still people who believe "She asked for it."
Comment from zatanna
I read your notes too - thank goodness this didn't happen to you! I thought your story was good, but you did repeat a lot of things. I also thought it was odd someone would ask about moving...or tell you someone is moving at 3a.m. If it was a rapist I doubt he'd say "Hi, sorry to bother you but do you know so and so is moving across the road?" A rapist wants to see you fearful so he's there for one thing. I think yes perhaps 20...30...40 years ago people would question rape - I don't think so now. I think if you had said in your story it was set 20 years ago it would've rung true. I loved the way you presented dialogue - I read somewhere that the less he said's etc you can put in the better!
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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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I read your notes too - thank goodness this didn't happen to you! I thought your story was good, but you did repeat a lot of things. I also thought it was odd someone would ask about moving...or tell you someone is moving at 3a.m. If it was a rapist I doubt he'd say "Hi, sorry to bother you but do you know so and so is moving across the road?" A rapist wants to see you fearful so he's there for one thing. I think yes perhaps 20...30...40 years ago people would question rape - I don't think so now. I think if you had said in your story it was set 20 years ago it would've rung true. I loved the way you presented dialogue - I read somewhere that the less he said's etc you can put in the better!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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I thought it was odd that night too, but that was because he had seen me earlier that day when he was helping the people move out across the street.
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Ahhhh makes sense thanks for the explanation :)
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is a chilling tale. I imagine some cops could be very rude when talking to a rape victim. Good dialog.
I wish you well in the contest.
teresa
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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This is a chilling tale. I imagine some cops could be very rude when talking to a rape victim. Good dialog.
I wish you well in the contest.
teresa
Comment Written 19-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2016
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The cop that talked to me was exactly that rude.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
The horror of rape raise to the power of ten by an ignorant detective. A terrible story made worse by one man's stupidity.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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The horror of rape raise to the power of ten by an ignorant detective. A terrible story made worse by one man's stupidity.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2016
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Thank you , I hope you took the time to read the author notes. These are actually the questions they asked me.
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Yes I did. All I can say is ASSHOLES!
