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Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Reminder"Shorter stories
19 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was quite sad, Bill, but what a heroic family. All took on dangerous jobs, and each passed down the idea of the red scarf tied around their leg. It must happen that when you put yourself in danger, there comes a time when you wonder why you do it. The red scarf is the reminder. I enjoyed this story, my friend. Well done!
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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That was quite sad, Bill, but what a heroic family. All took on dangerous jobs, and each passed down the idea of the red scarf tied around their leg. It must happen that when you put yourself in danger, there comes a time when you wonder why you do it. The red scarf is the reminder. I enjoyed this story, my friend. Well done!
Comment Written 04-May-2022
reply by the author on 04-May-2022
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Thank you, Sandra, for giving these stories a look. You seem to be the only one.
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That is a shame, because they are really good, Bill. :( I'll be reading them all. xxx
Comment from innermostgray
The language in this piece is wonderfully sparse because each word seems carefully chosen to elicit the perfect emotion without anything superfluous. There's a delightful matter-of-fact, here-you-go quality to the writing, which is flawless in itself, and the story seems to be expressed through an unbiased observer which serves to render its message only more evocative and heartbreaking than it already is. Still, there are some haunting imagery and personifications well-placed which flow so smoothly and add greater depth to the narrative. Honor, family, and duty shine in these paragraphs, inspiring the reader towards a deeper gratitude and patriotism. Much luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2016
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The language in this piece is wonderfully sparse because each word seems carefully chosen to elicit the perfect emotion without anything superfluous. There's a delightful matter-of-fact, here-you-go quality to the writing, which is flawless in itself, and the story seems to be expressed through an unbiased observer which serves to render its message only more evocative and heartbreaking than it already is. Still, there are some haunting imagery and personifications well-placed which flow so smoothly and add greater depth to the narrative. Honor, family, and duty shine in these paragraphs, inspiring the reader towards a deeper gratitude and patriotism. Much luck in the contest!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2016
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Thank you, inn, for this thoughtful and thorough review of this story. Bill
Comment from Muffins
This story takes seemingly ordinary lives & let us see & feel extraordinary things.
The bloodline of heroes & their sacrifice wiggles into our skin and we are taken on an unexpected deeply moving adventure. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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This story takes seemingly ordinary lives & let us see & feel extraordinary things.
The bloodline of heroes & their sacrifice wiggles into our skin and we are taken on an unexpected deeply moving adventure. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Muffins, for the exceptional review. Bill
Comment from liz burgoyne
Your story was delivered to me with goosebumps and stinging eyes. When i read your work ,I learned what I must strive for.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Your story was delivered to me with goosebumps and stinging eyes. When i read your work ,I learned what I must strive for.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Liz, for the encouraging review. Bill
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Great story. I never even noticed the red band when I looked at the picture. Great word pictures. I could see all of the action. Your students are lucky.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Great story. I never even noticed the red band when I looked at the picture. Great word pictures. I could see all of the action. Your students are lucky.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Thomas, for both the review and compliment. Bill
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Compliments are not always true, but honest praise for good work is.
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Bill, this is a great story and a wonderful take on the picture. Very original in the interpretation. Well I can't say the band brought any luck, but of course that was not the idea either. It served as a reminder. I liked it a lot. Very, very good, and good luck in the contest. Strong contender I would say. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Wow, Bill, this is a great story and a wonderful take on the picture. Very original in the interpretation. Well I can't say the band brought any luck, but of course that was not the idea either. It served as a reminder. I liked it a lot. Very, very good, and good luck in the contest. Strong contender I would say. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 06-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Ulla, for your enthusiastic and encouraging review. Bill
Comment from dmt1967
This is a good story but I felt there was something missing. It was an emotional story but it didn't leave me feeling full of emotion as a story like this should. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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This is a good story but I felt there was something missing. It was an emotional story but it didn't leave me feeling full of emotion as a story like this should. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Thanks
Comment from ioana.u
Beautiful and sad family story! I loved that you created a large context and didn't just stick to the picture. And that you chose a detail from the costume and made it the central focus. I also liked the way the sense of duty was inherited. However, after so much bad luck on the job, I would think they would chooser safer careers and get rid of the red scarf :)
Ioana
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Beautiful and sad family story! I loved that you created a large context and didn't just stick to the picture. And that you chose a detail from the costume and made it the central focus. I also liked the way the sense of duty was inherited. However, after so much bad luck on the job, I would think they would chooser safer careers and get rid of the red scarf :)
Ioana
Comment Written 06-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Ioana, for your enthusiastic and encouraging review. Bill
Comment from lancellot
A backstory heavy tale and a very emotional one. I think that was a good idea as it captured the reader and made a connection. Nice tie-in with picture at the end. Great story idea.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2016
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A backstory heavy tale and a very emotional one. I think that was a good idea as it captured the reader and made a connection. Nice tie-in with picture at the end. Great story idea.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2016
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Thank you, L, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from humpwhistle
Nicely done, Bill. The red band is a great hook. Unnoticed, I'm guessing by most entrants. Does it have real significance? The Committee will tell.
I also like that you made this a three generational story. You added layers.
From a pure writing standpoint, I think you can eliminate a few 'was'. Look at paragraph two, as an example. If you change sentence structure, you can eliminate the redundancy of 'was'. I think it will help.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2016
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Nicely done, Bill. The red band is a great hook. Unnoticed, I'm guessing by most entrants. Does it have real significance? The Committee will tell.
I also like that you made this a three generational story. You added layers.
From a pure writing standpoint, I think you can eliminate a few 'was'. Look at paragraph two, as an example. If you change sentence structure, you can eliminate the redundancy of 'was'. I think it will help.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 04-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Lee, for the helpful and envouraging review. That second paragraph is awash in WASes.
