The True Test
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The True Test"Teachers are left to survive
20 total reviews
Comment from frogbook
I have missed this story and am glad to see it back. Glad to see you have been working on it as it was quite compelling. Look forward to keeping up, though I have not had much time to be here lately.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
  |
I have missed this story and am glad to see it back. Glad to see you have been working on it as it was quite compelling. Look forward to keeping up, though I have not had much time to be here lately.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
-
Frog , you just encouraged me to write more, Your words, I have missed this story makes me want to truly continue to write. Please allow me to thank you for that. I needed that encouragement.
Comment from Mastery
A bad situation that is very well reported in this story, Judy. I think you capture the urgency of the situation very well all the way through...especially in this paragrqph:
"Small decisions formed. The people who were not injured began moving. Amanda found flashlights. Greg opened a closet full of water used to help the marchers keep hydrated. Those who were not injured helped move the severely hurt into the adjourning band hall. Michael opened the uniform closet and grabbed band uniforms to use as pillows to keep their heads above their bleeding. They covered them with the jackets. Shoelaces from marching shoes became make-do tourniquets."
Wow! Take care, Bob
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
|
A bad situation that is very well reported in this story, Judy. I think you capture the urgency of the situation very well all the way through...especially in this paragrqph:
"Small decisions formed. The people who were not injured began moving. Amanda found flashlights. Greg opened a closet full of water used to help the marchers keep hydrated. Those who were not injured helped move the severely hurt into the adjourning band hall. Michael opened the uniform closet and grabbed band uniforms to use as pillows to keep their heads above their bleeding. They covered them with the jackets. Shoelaces from marching shoes became make-do tourniquets."
Wow! Take care, Bob
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
-
To hear this from you thrills me. I contacted tom and ask how to revise an old story like you did and he said I could edit if it had been more than two years. I even mentioned your name in my query. thank you, You helped me grow so much. and I will now keep working on this story.
In fact Chapter two tomorrow.
-
Bravo! Good girl, Judy. Bless you. Bob
Comment from Hugh McDowell
Loved the opening paragraph. "I wish it had stayed that way." sets the tone for the story. Very good descriptions. Great flow and pacing. I found myself wanting to see how this would end. The interaction between the characters is very realistic. Excellent work. Hugh
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
|
Loved the opening paragraph. "I wish it had stayed that way." sets the tone for the story. Very good descriptions. Great flow and pacing. I found myself wanting to see how this would end. The interaction between the characters is very realistic. Excellent work. Hugh
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
-
Thank you hugh, I started writing this three years ago. On Fan story i learned so much and now I am severely editing to make it work. I so appreciate your encouragement
Comment from Sasha
Excellent work with this story. I can tell there will be more to explain exact what happened. This is well written and captures the readers attention immediately. I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
|
Excellent work with this story. I can tell there will be more to explain exact what happened. This is well written and captures the readers attention immediately. I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
-
Next chapter tomorrow, I started this three years ago and I am severely and diligently editing it. I have learned so much from the people on Fanstory. I hope to finish it by next year. Thank you from the bottom of my heart please let me know what you think of each chapter and if anything isn't clear.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
My mind was busy trying to decide what had happened. Was it a tornado or an earthquake? Was it an attack from some unknown enemy? The remark about the sky made me think it must be a tornado. I think I have read this story before at some time or one like it. Well done. Good Luck. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
|
My mind was busy trying to decide what had happened. Was it a tornado or an earthquake? Was it an attack from some unknown enemy? The remark about the sky made me think it must be a tornado. I think I have read this story before at some time or one like it. Well done. Good Luck. Nancy:)
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
-
Yes
Nancy, I started this story three years ago, Now I am severely editing it and trying to make is live. Thank you for two things. One remembering it and two re reading the new version. After two years we are allowed to revise it and edit it well on this site. By the way, it is an earthquake, caused by too much oit fracking.
Judy
-
Earthquake. Good to know. Yes, it is a compliment when your story is remembered. I was not being critical I knew you were rewriting it.
Comment from Mistydawn
This story is very interesting, well-written. I like how you show the normalcy and then tragedy. It's very thought provoing, what would teachers do if it happened, what would any of us do for that matter? You're right our lives can change forever in a heartbeat. Great job, good luck with your contest.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
|
This story is very interesting, well-written. I like how you show the normalcy and then tragedy. It's very thought provoing, what would teachers do if it happened, what would any of us do for that matter? You're right our lives can change forever in a heartbeat. Great job, good luck with your contest.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
-
thank you so much Misty, It is an interesting story, teachers have so many diverse talents. It will be interesting to see where they take them.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story about a very bad day that turned out to be a blessing after disaster and everyone pulls together to get through te crisis and a bond is formed that will be hard to undo.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
|
A very well-written story about a very bad day that turned out to be a blessing after disaster and everyone pulls together to get through te crisis and a bond is formed that will be hard to undo.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2018
-
Thank you Sandra, it will be an interesting tale.
Comment from sunnilicious
You're funny. Standardized testing sure is taking over. There may as well be one for the teachers too. Lol. Great perspective presented. Good narrative story with dialogue. Nice work :)
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
|
You're funny. Standardized testing sure is taking over. There may as well be one for the teachers too. Lol. Great perspective presented. Good narrative story with dialogue. Nice work :)
Comment Written 23-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2017
-
Thank you , Yes , I do hate standardized testing and I make no bones about it. Thank you for reading. I am really working hard on this I have almost 15 chapters now, but some need some severe editing. I so appreciate you.
Comment from TheWriteTeach
This is an interesting piece. Teachers, in a small building, do become 'family.' I teach in a small building, and we are all very close. As what happened in your story, we never know when something life shattering will occur. It sounds kind of strange to say something 'nice' about what happened, but it is nice that you were surrounded by people who cared and would help, rather than in a subway in New York City where it would be everyone for themselves.
I found some things I wanted to mention:
The sky darkened (past tense) quickly (watch those ly adverbs - they make weak writing). There had been no weather forecast predicting (present tense) rain. This darkness was different. By ten a.m. the sky was {a} deepening (present) to grey. (You have an unnecessary tense switch. You do this throughout the piece. Pick one tense and stick with it. An easy fix for this one: 'The sky darkened. No weather forecast predicted rain. This darkness was different. It deepened to grey.' Of course, use your own words - I don't want to impose my voice on you.)
I dropped my phone on the floor so I could {pulled} on the casing[,] cutting my hands. (Need comma where indicated, and 'pull' rather than 'pulled.')
I don't feel comfortable giving high stars when there are many errors.
Good luck in the contest.
Suzanne
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
 |
This is an interesting piece. Teachers, in a small building, do become 'family.' I teach in a small building, and we are all very close. As what happened in your story, we never know when something life shattering will occur. It sounds kind of strange to say something 'nice' about what happened, but it is nice that you were surrounded by people who cared and would help, rather than in a subway in New York City where it would be everyone for themselves.
I found some things I wanted to mention:
The sky darkened (past tense) quickly (watch those ly adverbs - they make weak writing). There had been no weather forecast predicting (present tense) rain. This darkness was different. By ten a.m. the sky was {a} deepening (present) to grey. (You have an unnecessary tense switch. You do this throughout the piece. Pick one tense and stick with it. An easy fix for this one: 'The sky darkened. No weather forecast predicted rain. This darkness was different. It deepened to grey.' Of course, use your own words - I don't want to impose my voice on you.)
I dropped my phone on the floor so I could {pulled} on the casing[,] cutting my hands. (Need comma where indicated, and 'pull' rather than 'pulled.')
I don't feel comfortable giving high stars when there are many errors.
Good luck in the contest.
Suzanne
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2017
-
I always love hearing from you. I went back and addressed many of the issues you have pointed out. I sure do have a problem with that tense thing. Popping back and forth in time should be limited to sci fi novels. I will continue to work on it.
I always enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from schatzling
I am so ready to continue reading on. Where is your next chapter? Or are you even planning on writing a next chapter? This had kept intrigued and I want more (Smile). I really do like it. I enjoyed reading it while I was sipping on my morning cup of caffeine.
I do have two suggestions if you please. Since English is my second language I love helping out should I find a slight typo or what have you. I always tell my children....spell check is great, but do not solely count on it because a word may be spelled correctly, but it could be the wrong word altogether.
Suggestion 1: In your 11th paragraph from the top ... was "a" supply, not "an" supply
Suggestion 2: In that same paragraph the sentence beginning with "They gave us" should be flush with the left-hand side. At the moment, it starts approximately 2 letters in.
Thank you so much for sharing. Excellent work as usual.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
|
I am so ready to continue reading on. Where is your next chapter? Or are you even planning on writing a next chapter? This had kept intrigued and I want more (Smile). I really do like it. I enjoyed reading it while I was sipping on my morning cup of caffeine.
I do have two suggestions if you please. Since English is my second language I love helping out should I find a slight typo or what have you. I always tell my children....spell check is great, but do not solely count on it because a word may be spelled correctly, but it could be the wrong word altogether.
Suggestion 1: In your 11th paragraph from the top ... was "a" supply, not "an" supply
Suggestion 2: In that same paragraph the sentence beginning with "They gave us" should be flush with the left-hand side. At the moment, it starts approximately 2 letters in.
Thank you so much for sharing. Excellent work as usual.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2016
-
Yes, I love corrections. I am going to continue to write this as a novel. I am taking the Novel Middle class right now. That makes me so excited. Love that you are back and reviewing. Thank you so much.
-
I just wrote chapter two of The True Test. I hope you will read it.
-
Of course I will read it.
