Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 422 "Party Crasher"Small and Specialty Poems
13 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Tom,
According to shadow poetry (and we've written several of these)
Stanza Structure:
Line 1 8 syllables A1
Line 2 8 syllables A2
Line 3 8 syllables A3
Line 4 4 syllables, repeated A4, A4
Example #1
Paper Dreams
Her childhood was a world, it seems,
Of paper dolls and paper dreams,
Of blackest night and midnight screams,
And tear;s hot streams, and tear;s hot streams.
She met him on the Internet,
He slowly gained her trust, and yet,
Past memories were still a threat.
Could she forget? Could she forget?
His words of love stirred feelings deep,
Feelings that long had been asleep,
And love did sweep her off her feet,
No more to weep, no more to weep.
Then one day words were said that he
Misunderstood, he would not see;
Once more she was a refugee
Of love's debris, of love's debris.
For, "I can't love you now," he spoke,
And with those words her heart he broke,
Her paper dreams, love's cruelest joke,
Went up in smoke, went up in smoke.
Now all that's left are black moonbeams,
The ashes of her paper dreams,
And tears that flow in bloody streams,
And silent screams, and silent screams.
Copyright© 2003 Linda Newman
That's my understanding...
I think you've creative a MODIFIED monotetra? You've not repeated your four syllables... just the rhyme sound.... see?
Other than that, it's quite delightful... perhaps you've created a NEW form? The mono-Tom-tra? ;)
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
  |
Tom,
According to shadow poetry (and we've written several of these)
Stanza Structure:
Line 1 8 syllables A1
Line 2 8 syllables A2
Line 3 8 syllables A3
Line 4 4 syllables, repeated A4, A4
Example #1
Paper Dreams
Her childhood was a world, it seems,
Of paper dolls and paper dreams,
Of blackest night and midnight screams,
And tear;s hot streams, and tear;s hot streams.
She met him on the Internet,
He slowly gained her trust, and yet,
Past memories were still a threat.
Could she forget? Could she forget?
His words of love stirred feelings deep,
Feelings that long had been asleep,
And love did sweep her off her feet,
No more to weep, no more to weep.
Then one day words were said that he
Misunderstood, he would not see;
Once more she was a refugee
Of love's debris, of love's debris.
For, "I can't love you now," he spoke,
And with those words her heart he broke,
Her paper dreams, love's cruelest joke,
Went up in smoke, went up in smoke.
Now all that's left are black moonbeams,
The ashes of her paper dreams,
And tears that flow in bloody streams,
And silent screams, and silent screams.
Copyright© 2003 Linda Newman
That's my understanding...
I think you've creative a MODIFIED monotetra? You've not repeated your four syllables... just the rhyme sound.... see?
Other than that, it's quite delightful... perhaps you've created a NEW form? The mono-Tom-tra? ;)
Comment Written 30-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2016
-
Oh, I see what you say. I guess I been playing around with those Welsh Awdls too long night.
Comment from nancyjam
Cute poem about a hungry squirrel.
Great rhyme and meter following the
form of the Monotetra. It's quick
pace must reflect the quick getaway of
your squirrel.
Great picture.
Nancy
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
|
Cute poem about a hungry squirrel.
Great rhyme and meter following the
form of the Monotetra. It's quick
pace must reflect the quick getaway of
your squirrel.
Great picture.
Nancy
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
-
Ethan's you Nancy. Glad you pointed that out
.
Comment from Joan E.
Like granddad, like grandson! I'm glad you encourage him to use your camera and he has willing subjects like Nacho! I appreciated your whimsical title and its repeat and all your mono-rhymed stanzas. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
|
Like granddad, like grandson! I'm glad you encourage him to use your camera and he has willing subjects like Nacho! I appreciated your whimsical title and its repeat and all your mono-rhymed stanzas. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
-
Thank you Joan. Yes, that helps.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a very nicely written poem. Anything to do with animals is right up my alley. Your grandson's photo is perfect. Rhyming is great and there are some amusing lines, especially:
"I've noted that when he's around,
seeds disappearing by the pound."
Marilyn
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
|
This is a very nicely written poem. Anything to do with animals is right up my alley. Your grandson's photo is perfect. Rhyming is great and there are some amusing lines, especially:
"I've noted that when he's around,
seeds disappearing by the pound."
Marilyn
Comment Written 27-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
-
Thank you Marilyn. It is amusing, yet painfully true.
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Treischel,
"Party Crasher" is another one of your pretty nature cameos--this one not in the wild life but in your back yard. You poetry is remarkably sanguine to be about a rodent which robs your birds. You know of course that when he reads this poem Nacho will be even more emboldened. Your poetic craft is as always first rate.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
|
Hi, Treischel,
"Party Crasher" is another one of your pretty nature cameos--this one not in the wild life but in your back yard. You poetry is remarkably sanguine to be about a rodent which robs your birds. You know of course that when he reads this poem Nacho will be even more emboldened. Your poetic craft is as always first rate.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
-
Thank you Preston. Hah. I'll try not to let the little rascal read it.
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi TREISCHEL,
This poem has a nice feel and flow to it. It was so comfortable to read and sounds great read out loud. He is such a cute little thing. we don't have them in England. your lucky.
Great read.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
|
Hi TREISCHEL,
This poem has a nice feel and flow to it. It was so comfortable to read and sounds great read out loud. He is such a cute little thing. we don't have them in England. your lucky.
Great read.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
-
Thank you Brenda. They are cute little fellow was.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Jeremy is such a good photographer already, Tom, you have taught him well, and I am sure you have been instrumental in inspiring him to take these amazing photos. Your own are excellent. This poem made me chuckle, we have squirrels that do the same thing, I swear they are the cleverest acrobats around. Congratulate your grandson for me, Tom, on his photo, as I am sure he will be delighted with the poem you've written for it. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
|
Jeremy is such a good photographer already, Tom, you have taught him well, and I am sure you have been instrumental in inspiring him to take these amazing photos. Your own are excellent. This poem made me chuckle, we have squirrels that do the same thing, I swear they are the cleverest acrobats around. Congratulate your grandson for me, Tom, on his photo, as I am sure he will be delighted with the poem you've written for it. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
-
Thank you Sandra. I'll have him read your review. He'll be pleased.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your grandson took a super picture to fit your words, or you wrote awesome words to fit his great picture.
I enjoyed the story you told with the rhyme pattern. It is usually difficult to write in this format & make sense. Your was wonderful. Everything flows together in a smooth fashion. Great author notes, too.
Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
|
Your grandson took a super picture to fit your words, or you wrote awesome words to fit his great picture.
I enjoyed the story you told with the rhyme pattern. It is usually difficult to write in this format & make sense. Your was wonderful. Everything flows together in a smooth fashion. Great author notes, too.
Good job & thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
-
Thank you Jan. I'll let him know that you think so.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
We had one. Jim even made him a special enclosed feeder so he would be safe. Wrong! The cat finally got him ,I guess, because he disappeared. Haven't seen one since either. They are so cute and a joy to watch. Love the poem and the picture Tom. xx Nancy
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
|
We had one. Jim even made him a special enclosed feeder so he would be safe. Wrong! The cat finally got him ,I guess, because he disappeared. Haven't seen one since either. They are so cute and a joy to watch. Love the poem and the picture Tom. xx Nancy
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
-
Thank you Nancy. They are cute and smart. Our neighbor has a huge Tom Cat, so I'm surprised he is still around too.
-
Tom Cat is lazy and over fed. HAHA. We have some feral ones here.
Comment from Pantygynt
Jeremy's taken to that camera like a duck to water. I bet if he'd been on that boat with me out in Bulgaria he'd have managed to snap those dolphins that eluded me. Haven't seen the mono tetra for some time but it is well suited to to this subject, stuffed full of rhyme like the chipmunk is with seeds.
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
|
Jeremy's taken to that camera like a duck to water. I bet if he'd been on that boat with me out in Bulgaria he'd have managed to snap those dolphins that eluded me. Haven't seen the mono tetra for some time but it is well suited to to this subject, stuffed full of rhyme like the chipmunk is with seeds.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
-
Thank you Pantygynt. He seems to be a natural. It struck me that the Monotetra is much Luke the Welsh poetry.
-
That last line has the cross rhyme reminiscent of the awdlau
