Prosetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Rain"Story telling poems
18 total reviews
Comment from Rubylou
First of all, great image to reflect the theme of change before a rain storm. I shows both drought and the movement of the rain.
I like this form of poetry for this piece. I feel it lends itself to 'changes'. Great haiku to tie it all together. I feel I'll pay closer attention now to pre-rain activity after reading your work.
Rubylou
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
  |
First of all, great image to reflect the theme of change before a rain storm. I shows both drought and the movement of the rain.
I like this form of poetry for this piece. I feel it lends itself to 'changes'. Great haiku to tie it all together. I feel I'll pay closer attention now to pre-rain activity after reading your work.
Rubylou
Comment Written 29-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
-
thank you so much. I learned so much from my husband's grandfather who Aa ranch and truly needed rain. Lightning puts nitrogen back in the soil. Bugs fly lower when the humidity changes thus the birds that eat them also fly lower right before a storm. Cows lie down in the fields to protect their udders. So interesting. And all of it is true.
-
Thanks for sharing all the science behind the scenes of a rainfall.
Interesting about cows.
I had heard cows sit because of arthritis. Great to know the truth about the utter.
Rubylou
Comment from Ulla
Hi Judy, I just wish this would happen here. It used to, but we in a drought five years running. I liked your poem of the thunderstorm arriving. Very descriptive. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
|
Hi Judy, I just wish this would happen here. It used to, but we in a drought five years running. I liked your poem of the thunderstorm arriving. Very descriptive. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2016
-
Sending rain your way. Hopefully it will arrive by Thursday. Positive thoughts never hurt.
Comment from heyjude
Judy, ready for some of that rain. Good alliteration in wind whistles
wandering wishes.... cruelly changes... dust dances...cools, clamy..
tiny tears. I like the part about temperature cools. Could use that
here.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
|
Judy, ready for some of that rain. Good alliteration in wind whistles
wandering wishes.... cruelly changes... dust dances...cools, clamy..
tiny tears. I like the part about temperature cools. Could use that
here.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
-
thanks jude , we definitely need some. Eighty percent chance tomorrow. Bring on the rain. So Excited.
Comment from Gloria ....
Beautiful artwork by the way. I love your short punctuated lines that state matter of factly the appearance of things around you. It seems the Texas drought has captured the fear of many and no surprise with that.
Excellent job and fine offering to the Poetry Potlatch. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
|
Beautiful artwork by the way. I love your short punctuated lines that state matter of factly the appearance of things around you. It seems the Texas drought has captured the fear of many and no surprise with that.
Excellent job and fine offering to the Poetry Potlatch. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
-
thank you Gloria. Yes it is either feast or famine here as far as rain goes.
Comment from LIJ Red
Was Texas suffering from a drought before the floods came? They blame global warming for many of our woes. This Haibun looks fine to me.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
|
Was Texas suffering from a drought before the floods came? They blame global warming for many of our woes. This Haibun looks fine to me.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
-
thank you, Yes, we had a long drought. one of our lakes was only 30 percent full. Then the floods came now that lake is full. Feast or Famine here.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Judy. Having lived in a drought area myself in California. I sympathize with the lack of rain. You've expressed it well here in your Haibun. Image is spectacular, a good accompaniment to your words. Marilyn
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
|
Hi Judy. Having lived in a drought area myself in California. I sympathize with the lack of rain. You've expressed it well here in your Haibun. Image is spectacular, a good accompaniment to your words. Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
-
Thank you so much. We finally got rain in Texas. Looks like more next week. I get so excited.
-
I'm so glad I'm in Wisconsin now and not California. The weather is great for gardeners, like me. Green! However, I do love Texas--who doesn't? There's something special about Texas! Marilyn
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Judy, for a first attempt on the Haibun, this is done so well...I'd say completely in conformance with the guidelines/rules given on the forum. Great lines. Read like bullets, rat-a-tat-tat! Giving great impressions to the reader in their imagery. Prose is well-written - Haiku/Senyru perfection. Great job. God bless and hugs, Susanne
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
|
Judy, for a first attempt on the Haibun, this is done so well...I'd say completely in conformance with the guidelines/rules given on the forum. Great lines. Read like bullets, rat-a-tat-tat! Giving great impressions to the reader in their imagery. Prose is well-written - Haiku/Senyru perfection. Great job. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
-
Thank you so much. My husbands grand father was a rancher. They depended on rain. He told me how nature acts before a storm. Lightning puts nitrogen in the soil. That is why we have that strange smell before a storm. Birds fly low right before a storm because the air change makes the bugs they eat act differently. The only one I left out is also true. Cows sense rain and lie down in the field to cover their utters. I think all he taught me is wonderful and it helped my poem. I so appreciate your review.
-
The only thing I had heard of was about the cows laying down before the rain; I've seen them do this here. You have well-rounded knowledge on different things...will help you write great poetry! God bless and hugs, Susanne
-
The only thing I had heard of was about the cows laying down before the rain; I've seen them do this here. You have well-rounded knowledge on different things...will help you write great poetry! God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment from Leineco
Interesting approach J :-) I liked the way the prose section was
as tense and electric as threatening storm. . .filling the air with
expectation and signs of coming tempest. And the way it turned
at the end to be just a teaser. . .a taunt.
(only suggestion for editing - possibly electric scent instead of
smell)
The final senryu -
Great opening imagery (drought cries for relief/withered fauna's
last breath of life), and
Sneaky satori! A-ha; not a taunt after all - prayers to be answered
by deluge!!! All new ravages of weather to come!!!!
Great submission in this week's potlatch :-)
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
|
Interesting approach J :-) I liked the way the prose section was
as tense and electric as threatening storm. . .filling the air with
expectation and signs of coming tempest. And the way it turned
at the end to be just a teaser. . .a taunt.
(only suggestion for editing - possibly electric scent instead of
smell)
The final senryu -
Great opening imagery (drought cries for relief/withered fauna's
last breath of life), and
Sneaky satori! A-ha; not a taunt after all - prayers to be answered
by deluge!!! All new ravages of weather to come!!!!
Great submission in this week's potlatch :-)
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
-
Thank you for the thoughtful review. This was a new style to me that I have yet to come close to mastering. I like all of your suggestions.
Comment from winnona
Very well written piece. Both the first part and the second part are good and they compliment each other. The words flowing together form the rhythm of piece, and the message that I got from it was one of both hope and despair.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
|
Very well written piece. Both the first part and the second part are good and they compliment each other. The words flowing together form the rhythm of piece, and the message that I got from it was one of both hope and despair.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
-
Thank you , I am still learning. That haiben or Haibun or something is a totally different concept. Thank you .
Comment from Pantygynt
Some great ideas here but in both prose and haiku you have fallen ito the same third person trap as so many others. Both parts must be in the first person. This stream of consciousness needs to be identified as your own. This can be done quite simply for example "I sense change." A few "I feel" and "I see" keeps that idea green.
In the haiku substitute "my" for "new" and you have tied it to yourself so the rule is followed
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
|
Some great ideas here but in both prose and haiku you have fallen ito the same third person trap as so many others. Both parts must be in the first person. This stream of consciousness needs to be identified as your own. This can be done quite simply for example "I sense change." A few "I feel" and "I see" keeps that idea green.
In the haiku substitute "my" for "new" and you have tied it to yourself so the rule is followed
Comment Written 24-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016
-
thank you so much. this was my first attempt and I realize It does not include any first person. I have lots to learn. Thank you so much .
-
You are in good company. More fell into the trap than avoided it.
