Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 406 "As Sun Sets on the Bay"Small and Specialty Poems
14 total reviews
Comment from Just2Write
Very nice, Tom. This set of Quintains was a refreshing read and brought back many memories of my own of spectacular sunsets. Nice use of AABAA in the first stanza and a switch to AAABB for the remaining two.
Rose.
reply by the author on 22-May-2016
Very nice, Tom. This set of Quintains was a refreshing read and brought back many memories of my own of spectacular sunsets. Nice use of AABAA in the first stanza and a switch to AAABB for the remaining two.
Rose.
Comment Written 22-May-2016
reply by the author on 22-May-2016
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Thanks Rose, I'll have to fix my notes.
Comment from way2gokevs
Hey man, god damn it you have gone and done it again, what a lovely scene of a dying sky inspiring you to write a verse that expounds the sunset over the bay.
Well done mate, thanks for sharing.
Cheers, Kev.
reply by the author on 22-May-2016
Hey man, god damn it you have gone and done it again, what a lovely scene of a dying sky inspiring you to write a verse that expounds the sunset over the bay.
Well done mate, thanks for sharing.
Cheers, Kev.
Comment Written 22-May-2016
reply by the author on 22-May-2016
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Thank you Kev for a great review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your poem. The picture is awesome and so much better that you took it. Where I live, I have desert sunsets--not much water here.
Your lines flow smoothly and the rhyme is awesome. You storyline is super. There is a magic in the sunsets & falling stars and your words echo that to me.
Good job and thanks for sharing a beautiful poem. Jan
reply by the author on 22-May-2016
I enjoyed your poem. The picture is awesome and so much better that you took it. Where I live, I have desert sunsets--not much water here.
Your lines flow smoothly and the rhyme is awesome. You storyline is super. There is a magic in the sunsets & falling stars and your words echo that to me.
Good job and thanks for sharing a beautiful poem. Jan
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 22-May-2016
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Thank you Jannypan, we share a love of sunsets.
Comment from robyn corum
Tom,
Don't you love when nature or your surroundings inspire your muse?! This is lovely - and it that the falling star in the sky? The tiny dot? Such a great job capturing it!
My only negative comment is that you say the rhyme scheme is aabba in all three stanzas, and yet I THINK that's only in stanza one. The other two seem to be in aaabb rhyme scheme? You might double-check me?
Thanks for another lovely poem of nature!
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
Tom,
Don't you love when nature or your surroundings inspire your muse?! This is lovely - and it that the falling star in the sky? The tiny dot? Such a great job capturing it!
My only negative comment is that you say the rhyme scheme is aabba in all three stanzas, and yet I THINK that's only in stanza one. The other two seem to be in aaabb rhyme scheme? You might double-check me?
Thanks for another lovely poem of nature!
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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Thank you Robyn, yes, that's it. It only shows up like a smudge. Hmm, ill check, you might be right.
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Treischel,
You are right. The sunset pictured above is well worth trying to capture its beauty and the emotion evoked in a poem. You have succeeded admirably in "As Sun Sets On Bay". The figurative language is gorgeous and captures the colors of this sun set. The rhyme is simple and sweet. The structure is unusual and excellent with the concluding couplet for each stanza. The meter sings.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
Hi, Treischel,
You are right. The sunset pictured above is well worth trying to capture its beauty and the emotion evoked in a poem. You have succeeded admirably in "As Sun Sets On Bay". The figurative language is gorgeous and captures the colors of this sun set. The rhyme is simple and sweet. The structure is unusual and excellent with the concluding couplet for each stanza. The meter sings.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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Thank you Preston. Your review is excellent. I am very pleased.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Lovely picture Tom. Sunsets are always beautiful. You are mistaken about a quatrain. A quatrain is a four line poem.
A five line poem is a Cinquain, a stanza consisting of five lines. Three tetrameter lines and two trimeter. An usual rhyme scheme. The rhyme schemes in the last two stanza's are aaabb.
The poem is fine. It's the notes that are off. LOL Good poem. xx Nancy
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
Lovely picture Tom. Sunsets are always beautiful. You are mistaken about a quatrain. A quatrain is a four line poem.
A five line poem is a Cinquain, a stanza consisting of five lines. Three tetrameter lines and two trimeter. An usual rhyme scheme. The rhyme schemes in the last two stanza's are aaabb.
The poem is fine. It's the notes that are off. LOL Good poem. xx Nancy
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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Thank you Nancy. Looks like I'll have to fix the note.
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Trieschel,
this is a lovely poem and it describes your picture perfectly.
When the sun sets like that It doesn't matter where you are, everyone gets to see it.
Your words are very bouncy and the rhyming is excellent.
Great poem.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
Hi Trieschel,
this is a lovely poem and it describes your picture perfectly.
When the sun sets like that It doesn't matter where you are, everyone gets to see it.
Your words are very bouncy and the rhyming is excellent.
Great poem.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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Thank you Brenda.
Comment from Pantygynt
This has to be the ultimate in ekphrastics with the sole reason for the poem being the photo. While I agree with your rhyme scheme of aabba for the first stanza the other two run out as aaabb. Your syllable countr likewise is different for the first stanz which I count as 88855 while the other two are as you say 88866. Of course I haven't seen the other poem to which you refer but it occurs tro me that you have got cross threaded somewhere However it is described the poem itslf is most evocative. And I am not here to grade the notes, just the poem.
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
This has to be the ultimate in ekphrastics with the sole reason for the poem being the photo. While I agree with your rhyme scheme of aabba for the first stanza the other two run out as aaabb. Your syllable countr likewise is different for the first stanz which I count as 88855 while the other two are as you say 88866. Of course I haven't seen the other poem to which you refer but it occurs tro me that you have got cross threaded somewhere However it is described the poem itslf is most evocative. And I am not here to grade the notes, just the poem.
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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Thanks Pantygynt. Yup,m need to fix some notes
Comment from jusylee72
You are such a beach lover and I love it when you write about it. You are also an endless romantic and enjoy so many things that I read about in your profile. I love life so much and I can see that you do too. I am a golfer, my husband and I met playing the game. Enjoyed your poem.
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
You are such a beach lover and I love it when you write about it. You are also an endless romantic and enjoy so many things that I read about in your profile. I love life so much and I can see that you do too. I am a golfer, my husband and I met playing the game. Enjoyed your poem.
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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Thank you jusylee. Golf is a great game, except when it cold and raining. Lol. Life is meant to be enjoyed, 4 sure.
Comment from rjuselius
This is a beautiful piece of poetry dear friend ! The imagery is breathtaking and the rhyme stands on its own. Very well presented!
Thanks for sharing!
Virtual six !
Blessings!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
This is a beautiful piece of poetry dear friend ! The imagery is breathtaking and the rhyme stands on its own. Very well presented!
Thanks for sharing!
Virtual six !
Blessings!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 21-May-2016
reply by the author on 21-May-2016
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Thank you Rebekka.