History and Myth
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "Buffalo - The Great Slaughter"Poems that tell stories of long ago
15 total reviews
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
Fascinating Crown of Heroic Sonnet entry into the contest. I love Westerns, so of course this really intrigued me! I found no flaws in this wonderful piece, meter is perfect and the content great. Good luck in the contest. God bless and hugs, Susanne
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
  |
Fascinating Crown of Heroic Sonnet entry into the contest. I love Westerns, so of course this really intrigued me! I found no flaws in this wonderful piece, meter is perfect and the content great. Good luck in the contest. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment Written 31-May-2016
reply by the author on 31-May-2016
-
Thank you Susanne,mix appreciate the time you took to review a long poem, and am pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from tfawcus
This is an interesting use of the sonnet form, to tell one cohesive story, and it does so very well.
I enjoyed your feminine rhyme pairs, especially the two that enabled you to bring in the place names:
'Montana, /Alabama,'
Kansas/bonanzas
indians/Homo Sapiens
I thought you needed a plural ending in the line below, but then that would need a rethink for the whole of the next stanza. Perhaps substituting 'through' for 'when' wold solve the problem...
"when backache, headache, fever was revealed."
What a brilliant image you create with:
"From South to North, their bovine bodies blurred.
For day and night they passed by, by the score."
No matter how I try pronouncing it, I can't quite see the 'b' rhyme in this:
"An action that forever set the seed,
a taste of something barely known to us.
Unwary as to where that taste may lead,
we traveled on, until we reached St. Louis."
Would substitution of 'me' for 'us' change the meaning too much?
I loved that oxymoron: "to shoot with wanton care"!
I think 'Civil war' should be 'Civil War'
Amongst many splendid lines, this one ranked high on my list of favorites:
"The plains became a place of bison ghosts."
Finally, I have been rather profligate with my stars this week. I would have loved to have given you a set for this. The achievement of an heroic crown, in itself, deserves the accolade. One of this calibre probably deserves to have six sparkling diamonds set in the coronet!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
|
This is an interesting use of the sonnet form, to tell one cohesive story, and it does so very well.
I enjoyed your feminine rhyme pairs, especially the two that enabled you to bring in the place names:
'Montana, /Alabama,'
Kansas/bonanzas
indians/Homo Sapiens
I thought you needed a plural ending in the line below, but then that would need a rethink for the whole of the next stanza. Perhaps substituting 'through' for 'when' wold solve the problem...
"when backache, headache, fever was revealed."
What a brilliant image you create with:
"From South to North, their bovine bodies blurred.
For day and night they passed by, by the score."
No matter how I try pronouncing it, I can't quite see the 'b' rhyme in this:
"An action that forever set the seed,
a taste of something barely known to us.
Unwary as to where that taste may lead,
we traveled on, until we reached St. Louis."
Would substitution of 'me' for 'us' change the meaning too much?
I loved that oxymoron: "to shoot with wanton care"!
I think 'Civil war' should be 'Civil War'
Amongst many splendid lines, this one ranked high on my list of favorites:
"The plains became a place of bison ghosts."
Finally, I have been rather profligate with my stars this week. I would have loved to have given you a set for this. The achievement of an heroic crown, in itself, deserves the accolade. One of this calibre probably deserves to have six sparkling diamonds set in the coronet!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Toni. I fixed the Civil War, and changed that b rhyme mentioned, by taking your suggestion to change "us" to "me," and St. Louis to St. Louie.
Comment from Dr. Nad
Buffalo - The Great Slaughter is a Very lovely long poem that takes us on a mythical journey. We begin the story when you are a young man with parents and family. We follow your trek across the country where life happens and the slaughter of innocent bison becomes an insatiable sport. Then they are all gone. You grabbed my attention at the beginning of your poem and you held my hand all the way through to the end. And as we work through the history of Bison you cue us with never before known facts. Good rythum and a good read. May God bless you!
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
|
Buffalo - The Great Slaughter is a Very lovely long poem that takes us on a mythical journey. We begin the story when you are a young man with parents and family. We follow your trek across the country where life happens and the slaughter of innocent bison becomes an insatiable sport. Then they are all gone. You grabbed my attention at the beginning of your poem and you held my hand all the way through to the end. And as we work through the history of Bison you cue us with never before known facts. Good rythum and a good read. May God bless you!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Dr. Nad, for following along on my journey, and writing a fine review, I am pleased that you enjoyed it.
-
You are very welcome,
Embrace the Love from above!
I apologize for the late gratitude,
I have been away on vacation!
Comment from Just2Write
I never seen (I'd never seen) = past tense.
Wow - a great story, albeit a sad one. I knew that the buffalo was hunted to near extinction, but I did not know the malevolence, and sheer lack of regard for the sacred reverence that should be reserved for all life.
A Crown is not easy, and I have sweat over a few of them now. My hat's off to you Tom - you did a great job - and you use some very good near-rhymes to keep the read fresh sounding throughout.
I did lose the meter in a couple of places, but I didn't mind - because I was so intrigued with the story.
By the way - nice internal rhyme with above and thereof.
Rose.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
 |
I never seen (I'd never seen) = past tense.
Wow - a great story, albeit a sad one. I knew that the buffalo was hunted to near extinction, but I did not know the malevolence, and sheer lack of regard for the sacred reverence that should be reserved for all life.
A Crown is not easy, and I have sweat over a few of them now. My hat's off to you Tom - you did a great job - and you use some very good near-rhymes to keep the read fresh sounding throughout.
I did lose the meter in a couple of places, but I didn't mind - because I was so intrigued with the story.
By the way - nice internal rhyme with above and thereof.
Rose.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Rose. That tense change was intentional to hold with the dialect. I appreciate your time to read it. And the award of stars. I know the meter was off on the Grant Sherman line. Glad you enjoyed it. Will you enter one in the contest?
-
I thought that you were going for dialect - but I thought I'd point it out in case you weren't. I haven't thought about entering this year. They are HARD work, as well you know. Rose.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Good God.
I find it nearly impossible to write just ONE sonnet correctly, yet here you've written a Heroic crown of the bloody things and told a superb, adventurous story to boot!
Amazing, outstanding, superb...Incredible.
Happy Easter, Tom.
Bravo
~Dean
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
|
Good God.
I find it nearly impossible to write just ONE sonnet correctly, yet here you've written a Heroic crown of the bloody things and told a superb, adventurous story to boot!
Amazing, outstanding, superb...Incredible.
Happy Easter, Tom.
Bravo
~Dean
Comment Written 27-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Dean. I am very glad you liked it and considered it adventurous.
-
Anytime.
-
Anytime.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
You told the story well Tom. It is sad but stop and think what a danger that a huge heard of buffalo was to any object in the path of a stampede. You wouldn't be able to find a body after one of those herds trampled it. They could wipe out a wagon train. The Buffalo would have been slaughtering people who were unfortunate enough to be in their path. Great story. Nancy
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
|
You told the story well Tom. It is sad but stop and think what a danger that a huge heard of buffalo was to any object in the path of a stampede. You wouldn't be able to find a body after one of those herds trampled it. They could wipe out a wagon train. The Buffalo would have been slaughtering people who were unfortunate enough to be in their path. Great story. Nancy
Comment Written 27-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Nancy. Good point. I appreciate the review as well as the stars.
Comment from Pantygynt
We come the full circle, Tom, you and I. When I first joined Fanstory this time last year the first pice of writing of yours I read was your crown of heroic sonnets. I think this one has better attention to meter and is a great piece of history as well as an adventure story.
I knew that the plains had once teamed with these creatures and that they had been hunted almost to extinction, but the new knowledge that I acquired from your poem here was the part that the animals' virtual extinction played in the subduing the native American tribes. Reading that was like finding the final, missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle.
It has inspired me to have another go at this form, within the competition. I think there is enough time left.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
|
We come the full circle, Tom, you and I. When I first joined Fanstory this time last year the first pice of writing of yours I read was your crown of heroic sonnets. I think this one has better attention to meter and is a great piece of history as well as an adventure story.
I knew that the plains had once teamed with these creatures and that they had been hunted almost to extinction, but the new knowledge that I acquired from your poem here was the part that the animals' virtual extinction played in the subduing the native American tribes. Reading that was like finding the final, missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle.
It has inspired me to have another go at this form, within the competition. I think there is enough time left.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Pantygynt. I really appreciate this review. Yes, I remember, when you started. I am pleased that you are going to enter one too. I know you'll do a great job.
Comment from Selina Stambi
The plains became a place of bison ghosts ... gorgeous line
We're I come from, route rhymes with shoot... amen!
Excellent, informative author notes.
Tom,
This is vintage you at your best, sir! Flawless iambic pentametre with the occasional feminine ending. The crown of sonnets tell a sweeping, dramatic tale of the fate of buffalo in America.
You have a winner here, Tom.
Happy Easter.
Smiles,
Sonali
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
|
The plains became a place of bison ghosts ... gorgeous line
We're I come from, route rhymes with shoot... amen!
Excellent, informative author notes.
Tom,
This is vintage you at your best, sir! Flawless iambic pentametre with the occasional feminine ending. The crown of sonnets tell a sweeping, dramatic tale of the fate of buffalo in America.
You have a winner here, Tom.
Happy Easter.
Smiles,
Sonali
Comment Written 27-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
-
Thank you very much Sonali. I hope so.
Comment from way2gokevs
A bees whistle of a six for this great historical record, I was glued to the screen imagining I was out there on the plains with my trusty rifle. Very sad that this was all about greed and the chance to force the Indian nations into submission. Times were hard back then, work and a decent dollar were hard to get, bit like today where greed and the dollar rule the world. Thanks for the read, cheers Kev
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
|
A bees whistle of a six for this great historical record, I was glued to the screen imagining I was out there on the plains with my trusty rifle. Very sad that this was all about greed and the chance to force the Indian nations into submission. Times were hard back then, work and a decent dollar were hard to get, bit like today where greed and the dollar rule the world. Thanks for the read, cheers Kev
Comment Written 27-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Kev. 4 sure things related to greed haven't changed much. At least we are a bit more environmentally conscious these days.
Comment from foxangie123
You doc a pen excellent job here with this and the pictures of choice are just amazing as well. They look like they are from way back when. Perfect work.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
|
You doc a pen excellent job here with this and the pictures of choice are just amazing as well. They look like they are from way back when. Perfect work.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016
-
Thank you very much foxangie,
