Karma
Strange encounter at a small Cafe.27 total reviews
Comment from schatzling
This would make a perfect Twilight Zone episode or Outer Limits or that other one that starts with a B...(when the author is sitting behind his typewriter in an office that is literally cluttered with all kinds of stuff....stuff that gets him to sit down and start typing....a story evolving... simply because a thing in his office is bringing back a memory... ) It escapes me now....but....hey ....Hey I think I may have just thought of it.....maybe it is Bradbury Theatre? Or something like that. Oh I do not know. But what I do know is that I enjoyed short story immensely. I was getting into so quickly and it ended much too quickly too. I am ready to read your first novel because I know I will not be disappointed in any fashion. This is soooooo gooooood. REALLY!!!!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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This would make a perfect Twilight Zone episode or Outer Limits or that other one that starts with a B...(when the author is sitting behind his typewriter in an office that is literally cluttered with all kinds of stuff....stuff that gets him to sit down and start typing....a story evolving... simply because a thing in his office is bringing back a memory... ) It escapes me now....but....hey ....Hey I think I may have just thought of it.....maybe it is Bradbury Theatre? Or something like that. Oh I do not know. But what I do know is that I enjoyed short story immensely. I was getting into so quickly and it ended much too quickly too. I am ready to read your first novel because I know I will not be disappointed in any fashion. This is soooooo gooooood. REALLY!!!!
Comment Written 05-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2016
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this was one of my first attempts at writing back when I first found fanstory. I am excited that you read it and Now I am going to go back and read it too. I think it was my first win. Thank you so much.
Comment from mfowler
It seems an angel of mercy called Evan made a visit to that diner on that very stormy, wet night. Karma, fate, God's plan, call it what each individual will, Evan was there because the circumstances required him to be. The three were thrown together with Evan for the purpose that we never exactly know. All we know is that they will all be changed when Sherry's baby is born. This is a good setting for the conversation. It allows feelings, ideas and character to be shown through dialogue and circumstance. I enjoyed the supernatural nature of the piece and the discussion about religion, fate and all that as the evening develops. An entertaining story. I hope you do well in the vote.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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It seems an angel of mercy called Evan made a visit to that diner on that very stormy, wet night. Karma, fate, God's plan, call it what each individual will, Evan was there because the circumstances required him to be. The three were thrown together with Evan for the purpose that we never exactly know. All we know is that they will all be changed when Sherry's baby is born. This is a good setting for the conversation. It allows feelings, ideas and character to be shown through dialogue and circumstance. I enjoyed the supernatural nature of the piece and the discussion about religion, fate and all that as the evening develops. An entertaining story. I hope you do well in the vote.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. The contest is over and I didn't win but it did help me grow as an author.
Comment from Judy Couch
So Evan was an angel, I guess. He certainly knew what was going to happen and he tried to comfort Sherry. He seemed to be the only one of the group that had any sense. Interesting story.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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So Evan was an angel, I guess. He certainly knew what was going to happen and he tried to comfort Sherry. He seemed to be the only one of the group that had any sense. Interesting story.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much .
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Your story is very well written, and very inspiring. The angelic Evan leaves a message for the two polar opposite people waiting out a storm. I love the feel of the story, and its timeless message.
Well done, and good luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Your story is very well written, and very inspiring. The angelic Evan leaves a message for the two polar opposite people waiting out a storm. I love the feel of the story, and its timeless message.
Well done, and good luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I have discovered I like writing to other peoples prompts because it lets me go in so many new directions. I truly thank you for the read.
Comment from CDyer
This is so good! Really great choice of characters and the development of the conversation. The line "Don't get all defensive on me just because I am right." Made me want to pull my hair out - I've known a few who would quote those exact words. I'd love to see how you might more fully develop this as a short story, but thought you did a superb job with just these few paragraphs
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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This is so good! Really great choice of characters and the development of the conversation. The line "Don't get all defensive on me just because I am right." Made me want to pull my hair out - I've known a few who would quote those exact words. I'd love to see how you might more fully develop this as a short story, but thought you did a superb job with just these few paragraphs
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I love writing with other peoples prompts as is causes me to think in new directions. So appreciate your support.
Comment from Authorsue
Good story. Stormy night, trapped in a cafe, pregnant woman. All the ingredients are there.
You pulled it together nicely.
I did think the characters were a little rough with the arguments between people they didn't know. Nice people thrown together are usually polite, and if they disagree, they normally stop talking.
Just an observation.
Loved the end.
Authorsue
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2016
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Good story. Stormy night, trapped in a cafe, pregnant woman. All the ingredients are there.
You pulled it together nicely.
I did think the characters were a little rough with the arguments between people they didn't know. Nice people thrown together are usually polite, and if they disagree, they normally stop talking.
Just an observation.
Loved the end.
Authorsue
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2016
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I think you make a very valid point here. I remember when I was writing it I kinda felt the same thing. I too feel the anger was a bit rushed.
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It's an easy fix. You'll make it work.
Sue
Comment from Helen Bach
I think this is a lovely story. It is well written and the character development is excellent. There is a lovely gentleness to your writer's voice and I find your style highly readable. There was a point in your story where Evan foretells the events later that actually caused me Goosebumps. An original take on introducing an angel. A great write This is an excellent entry for the contest and truly wish you well. X
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2016
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I think this is a lovely story. It is well written and the character development is excellent. There is a lovely gentleness to your writer's voice and I find your style highly readable. There was a point in your story where Evan foretells the events later that actually caused me Goosebumps. An original take on introducing an angel. A great write This is an excellent entry for the contest and truly wish you well. X
Comment Written 01-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I had such a good time writing it. I revised it six times. Thanks again.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
This little story truly gives me goosebumps. It is proof again to treat people with kindness and dignity, you never know who the stranger might be.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
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This little story truly gives me goosebumps. It is proof again to treat people with kindness and dignity, you never know who the stranger might be.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much. I am learning more and more everyday. Thank you for the six stars. That really makes my day.
Comment from Joyce Long
This is a wonderful Conversation contest entry. Best wishes for the contest. I see that you already have a Recognized ribbon. Congratulations! Your dialogue really develops well and is very interesting. You have a lot of talent.
Joyce 03-29-16
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2016
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This is a wonderful Conversation contest entry. Best wishes for the contest. I see that you already have a Recognized ribbon. Congratulations! Your dialogue really develops well and is very interesting. You have a lot of talent.
Joyce 03-29-16
Comment Written 29-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much. I am enjoying this fan story website and learning so much.
Comment from Eric1
Hi jusylee, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, your characters were very believable as ws the great setting, I loved the name play with evan, that was a really good choice for the mystery guest at the cafe, I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2016
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Hi jusylee, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, your characters were very believable as ws the great setting, I loved the name play with evan, that was a really good choice for the mystery guest at the cafe, I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much. I am learning so much about myself and others on this wonderful web site, fan story. Thank you for the read.
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It was a pleasure to read and review my friend.
