Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 390 "Stillwater Trolley Car"Small and Specialty Poems
15 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
An interesting and intricate style whjch you have mastered well.
What an interesting subject and clearly one gou found intriguing too.
The style seems way too intricate for me but you appear to have adhered to the stated requirements for this style.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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An interesting and intricate style whjch you have mastered well.
What an interesting subject and clearly one gou found intriguing too.
The style seems way too intricate for me but you appear to have adhered to the stated requirements for this style.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 21-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Thank you Shirley. It was a brain teaser for sure.
Comment from Nottoway
Crafty!
It shows that you pursue this craft. I appreciate each time I get one of your posts and appreciate the explanations so much.
This poem took me along on that walk and I can imagine getting off the riverboat and your sense pulled you to the smell of the popcorn wagon. And I was reading and before the notes of explanation, I kept thinking that the use of the colors was like many colored lights adorning that popcorn wagon luring the visitor!
Thank you for reminding me that I need to have some fun!!!!!! And one day I want to take a riverboat here in the United States. I went on a party boat cruise on Rhine River and it was beautiful.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Crafty!
It shows that you pursue this craft. I appreciate each time I get one of your posts and appreciate the explanations so much.
This poem took me along on that walk and I can imagine getting off the riverboat and your sense pulled you to the smell of the popcorn wagon. And I was reading and before the notes of explanation, I kept thinking that the use of the colors was like many colored lights adorning that popcorn wagon luring the visitor!
Thank you for reminding me that I need to have some fun!!!!!! And one day I want to take a riverboat here in the United States. I went on a party boat cruise on Rhine River and it was beautiful.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2016
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Thank you Nottoway. Yes, you should take one.
Comment from Pantygynt
This is an interesting take on the rules I set out for this form and you have been very creative in managing to repeat the vowel sound at both the beginning and the end of each line. In the process however, the near rhyme that I really wanted to see has been lost. You have a word with the stressed vowel symbol in the corest place but the other important aspect of near rhyme, the similarity of the concluding consonantal sound is missing.
In my recently posted essay I mentioned that the concept of near rhyme seems to be more a UK than a US thing. The definition is that the end consonant al sound remains the same while the vowel alters. This is the opposite of assonance where the consonants differ but the vowel sound remains the same.
Full rhyme: lamp, scamp, vamp, tramp. (Vowel a. End consonants mp)
Assonanance: lamp, slant, clasp, crack. (Vowel a. End consonants mp, nt, sp, ck)
Near rhyme: lamp, hemp crimp, pomp slump. (Vowels, a, e, i, o, u. End consonants mp)
If you look back at my "Railing Rattler" you will see that I have achieved near rhyme which is what I intended.
In your poem your first line end's in "r" so that letter need to continue throughout the stanza. This could result in: car, err, stir, bore, fur.
I hope this is clear now. I checked the rules as you have them here and near frame is stated though perhaps not clearly enough as a requirement of the form. So I shan't be taking marks off on this occasion.
When I first came on the site there were those who said these words did not rhyme and I was forcing the rhyme by using them. That is not the concept in UK poetry. The late Philip Larkin was a great exponent of near rhyme.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2016
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This is an interesting take on the rules I set out for this form and you have been very creative in managing to repeat the vowel sound at both the beginning and the end of each line. In the process however, the near rhyme that I really wanted to see has been lost. You have a word with the stressed vowel symbol in the corest place but the other important aspect of near rhyme, the similarity of the concluding consonantal sound is missing.
In my recently posted essay I mentioned that the concept of near rhyme seems to be more a UK than a US thing. The definition is that the end consonant al sound remains the same while the vowel alters. This is the opposite of assonance where the consonants differ but the vowel sound remains the same.
Full rhyme: lamp, scamp, vamp, tramp. (Vowel a. End consonants mp)
Assonanance: lamp, slant, clasp, crack. (Vowel a. End consonants mp, nt, sp, ck)
Near rhyme: lamp, hemp crimp, pomp slump. (Vowels, a, e, i, o, u. End consonants mp)
If you look back at my "Railing Rattler" you will see that I have achieved near rhyme which is what I intended.
In your poem your first line end's in "r" so that letter need to continue throughout the stanza. This could result in: car, err, stir, bore, fur.
I hope this is clear now. I checked the rules as you have them here and near frame is stated though perhaps not clearly enough as a requirement of the form. So I shan't be taking marks off on this occasion.
When I first came on the site there were those who said these words did not rhyme and I was forcing the rhyme by using them. That is not the concept in UK poetry. The late Philip Larkin was a great exponent of near rhyme.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2016
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Thank you Pantypgynt. I figured that you would upbraid me on the near rhyme aspect. I realized that I missed it after I had already posted it and was reading back the notes, but it was too late. I was thinking in terms of free verse as I wrote, and totally missed that detail. I'll add a clarifying note, that this is a modified version. I meant to add that the the syllable count was 9 throughout., also.
Comment from His Grayness
Wishing I had the deserved sixth star for this truly unique and very well presented poetic delivery, poetic lesson, full of great color, deep interest and, most of all, entertainment! Many thanks! HIS GRAYNESS
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2016
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Wishing I had the deserved sixth star for this truly unique and very well presented poetic delivery, poetic lesson, full of great color, deep interest and, most of all, entertainment! Many thanks! HIS GRAYNESS
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2016
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Thank you , I am very pleased that you enjoyed the various aspects of it.
Comment from RGstar
liked the creativity of this.Perhaps will be a little difficult for some to see, but I like the thought process and the delivery.
Good write.
Best wishes,
RG
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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liked the creativity of this.Perhaps will be a little difficult for some to see, but I like the thought process and the delivery.
Good write.
Best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Thank you RG. I am interested to get your input on my most recent attempt at a tambour. I wrote it yesterday called the Space Shuttle Launch.
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Treischel. Brilliant. I amso glad you attemted another. I was just thinking of doing another competition of the same...so start work with another. I'll be so happy to look at this one...overjoyed.
Comment from foxangie123
Very, very, clever. Love that trolley car as it is really neat. It reminded me of one in San Francisco I saw as a child. Really wonderful.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Very, very, clever. Love that trolley car as it is really neat. It reminded me of one in San Francisco I saw as a child. Really wonderful.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Thank you foxangie".
Comment from Brewster
New style and I am glad you expalined it in the notes, but the notes were as long as your poem if not longer took away from it all-though informative-the poem was creative and actually hooked you in by the vowel style - thanks good read ****stars
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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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New style and I am glad you expalined it in the notes, but the notes were as long as your poem if not longer took away from it all-though informative-the poem was creative and actually hooked you in by the vowel style - thanks good read ****stars
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Thank you Brewster.
Comment from CivilChick
Although I don't imagine I will ever attempt to write something with this many requirements (it might make my brain explode), I am in awe that you did it so well and with additional requirements imposed on yourself. I got a good visual as I read the words. Kudos!
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Although I don't imagine I will ever attempt to write something with this many requirements (it might make my brain explode), I am in awe that you did it so well and with additional requirements imposed on yourself. I got a good visual as I read the words. Kudos!
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Thank you civilChick.
Comment from royowen
I love this form, it is very clever, the successive use of the vowel sounds, means there would be a test to the author's ability to know language very well, and a applaud you for that wonderful ability, the subject matter is fascinating, well done, great use of language, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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I love this form, it is very clever, the successive use of the vowel sounds, means there would be a test to the author's ability to know language very well, and a applaud you for that wonderful ability, the subject matter is fascinating, well done, great use of language, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Thank you Roy.
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Most welcome
Comment from lindafisher
I have never come across a vowelogram before. It seems to me that you went for something difficult and found a way to make it even more so. A brilliant job and your picture is lovely. How long did this take you to compose?
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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I have never come across a vowelogram before. It seems to me that you went for something difficult and found a way to make it even more so. A brilliant job and your picture is lovely. How long did this take you to compose?
Comment Written 19-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016
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Thank you kinda fisher. It took 2 hrs to write and 2 more to post it.
