Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 387 "Winter River Wither"Small and Specialty Poems
11 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing the parade of river boats on the St. Croix along with another Welsh form. I enjoyed the eight-line stanzas and rhyme scheme, plus your alliteration of "w's". More cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2016
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Thank you for sharing the parade of river boats on the St. Croix along with another Welsh form. I enjoyed the eight-line stanzas and rhyme scheme, plus your alliteration of "w's". More cheers- Joan
Comment Written 15-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2016
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Thank you Joan. Lots of boats there.
Comment from ciliverde
This is excellent, Tom, I admire you for being able to make this poem work so well with short lines. I'm really quite in awe as to how you put this together, with great rhymes and storytelling, and a good rhythm too...just like the crusty old Welsh poets intended. Well, maybe they weren't (aren't) crusty - lol.
Very nice job. Are you using Poets Garrett? I like that site. The way he spells out the form requirement works for my left-heavy brain.
Carol
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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This is excellent, Tom, I admire you for being able to make this poem work so well with short lines. I'm really quite in awe as to how you put this together, with great rhymes and storytelling, and a good rhythm too...just like the crusty old Welsh poets intended. Well, maybe they weren't (aren't) crusty - lol.
Very nice job. Are you using Poets Garrett? I like that site. The way he spells out the form requirement works for my left-heavy brain.
Carol
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you Carol. Yes, that's one of them, very pleased that you enjoyed it and am greatful for the stars as well.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
*when* they suddenly sail, Remove {when] for the 5/4 syllable count
and children laughed.
Isn't it fun. Looks like that is the only error in the syllable count. One other spot iffy according to how you pronounce fire, one syllable or two. LOL Good job! I would love to ride a paddle ship. xxx Nancy
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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*when* they suddenly sail, Remove {when] for the 5/4 syllable count
and children laughed.
Isn't it fun. Looks like that is the only error in the syllable count. One other spot iffy according to how you pronounce fire, one syllable or two. LOL Good job! I would love to ride a paddle ship. xxx Nancy
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you Nancy. You are right, I'll fix it, I am using fire as 1 syllable.
Comment from Pantygynt
You are certainly getting some mileage out of these Welsh forms given to a Minnesotan by a Californian as a result of interest generated working with an Englishman domiciled in Wales. No one can accuse us of being racially predjudiced now can they?
I detect a tense muddle no, a muddle of tenses in your third stanza.
at vessel's aft.
But those at the rail
will gasp and exhale, (Future) Maybe: would gasp and exhale
as they suddenly sail, (Present) when they suddenly sailed
the children laughed. (Past) and children laughed.
Just a thought.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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You are certainly getting some mileage out of these Welsh forms given to a Minnesotan by a Californian as a result of interest generated working with an Englishman domiciled in Wales. No one can accuse us of being racially predjudiced now can they?
I detect a tense muddle no, a muddle of tenses in your third stanza.
at vessel's aft.
But those at the rail
will gasp and exhale, (Future) Maybe: would gasp and exhale
as they suddenly sail, (Present) when they suddenly sailed
the children laughed. (Past) and children laughed.
Just a thought.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you Pantygynt. Future, present, past - I'm aghast! Like your suggestion. Will make it so.
Comment from PoemsOfDD
What I like most about this piece is that you took the photos attached and wrote a poem that is different in that it has Welse origins. Reading your end notes felt quite educational. Thank you for that and for your very thoughtful poem. 'Traffic on the river wants ice to wither' - a great introduction and allows the reader to feel witness to the scene. A most enjoyable read ~ DD
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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What I like most about this piece is that you took the photos attached and wrote a poem that is different in that it has Welse origins. Reading your end notes felt quite educational. Thank you for that and for your very thoughtful poem. 'Traffic on the river wants ice to wither' - a great introduction and allows the reader to feel witness to the scene. A most enjoyable read ~ DD
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you very much PoemsOfDD, glad you enjoyed the photos, notes and poem. Always glad to have readers come along.
Comment from royowen
There seems to be a rash of Welsh poetry forms, I've often wondered where my desire for poetic licence hails from, it must be my paternal side, my grandfather was Welshman and a speaker of welsh. This is a beautiful form of poetry, extremely expressive and with an interesting rhythm, the narrative is descriptively good and has a certain staccato quality, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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There seems to be a rash of Welsh poetry forms, I've often wondered where my desire for poetic licence hails from, it must be my paternal side, my grandfather was Welshman and a speaker of welsh. This is a beautiful form of poetry, extremely expressive and with an interesting rhythm, the narrative is descriptively good and has a certain staccato quality, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you Roy. I think I read that there are 12 Welsh poetic formats with 24 total variations. Well your Welsh heritage must be shining through.
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Good one
Comment from William Ross
very good, another new style poem for me to see, Did great on this great rhyme and rhythm, wonderful story in here. Thanks for sharing and showing this style. Enjoy your day
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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very good, another new style poem for me to see, Did great on this great rhyme and rhythm, wonderful story in here. Thanks for sharing and showing this style. Enjoy your day
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you very much, William.
Comment from chcbeck
This is a great piece of writting which really takes the reader along the walk with you. Great pictures by the way. It was nice to learn about a different form of poetry too.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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This is a great piece of writting which really takes the reader along the walk with you. Great pictures by the way. It was nice to learn about a different form of poetry too.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you chcbeck.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I've never heard of this form before, but I really enjoyed it. There have been so many new forms introduced here lately. It is fun to read them all. ?Good rhymes. Love your artwork, too, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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I've never heard of this form before, but I really enjoyed it. There have been so many new forms introduced here lately. It is fun to read them all. ?Good rhymes. Love your artwork, too, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you very much Debbie. It is fun to learn and write them too.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Always surprising with something new. It is a well written poem that works well with this form. I am glad your wife are able to walk with you again. Wonderful photograph.
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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Always surprising with something new. It is a well written poem that works well with this form. I am glad your wife are able to walk with you again. Wonderful photograph.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thank you Sandra. I is really good that she can walk with me again,
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It should be wife is not are. Noticed the mistake just as I hit the save button. Lol
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It should be wife is not are. Noticed the mistake just as I hit the save button. Lol
