Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 380 "The Bruin Blend"Small and Specialty Poems
11 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
I've got a bear in a tree in my back garden and I went out just now to see if I could get a photo but the background is too dark and it doesn't work. I'm no photographer
Carol is threilled with your attempts at these Celtic and Gaelic forms and all sorts of people are taking them up. This form is particularly complex but comes over superbly when read aloud. You are to be congratulated on this. Some of the cross rhymes are almost as well camouflaged as the bears.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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I've got a bear in a tree in my back garden and I went out just now to see if I could get a photo but the background is too dark and it doesn't work. I'm no photographer
Carol is threilled with your attempts at these Celtic and Gaelic forms and all sorts of people are taking them up. This form is particularly complex but comes over superbly when read aloud. You are to be congratulated on this. Some of the cross rhymes are almost as well camouflaged as the bears.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Thank you Pantygynt. See what I mean. They blend right in. I'm going to check some of hers out. It's an irate resting form.
Comment from ciliverde
Fascinating. I've been writing in Welsh forms lately, several awdl gwydds and one cywydd llosgyrnog - that was a tough one.
This form feels similar in that it contains the internal rhymes that the Welsh seem to like, but with a longer syllable count. The seven-syllable requirement of the gwydd with the internal rhymes can make for a tricky writing.
Anyway - I love your picture and it does look exactly like a bear. I appreciated your description of the bears' power, which they certainly have. I've seen a fair number of them - including Kodiac bears. The change that came "rolling in on wheels" made me feel sick, not b/c of your writing style but because of the doom that it did spell for them. I love your break to fantasy that the bears can blend into the trees, and those hunters could no longer find them.
This line "The hunters look for them, but no one sees,
as bear coats blend, to the subtlest degrees,
with bark of trees." is just one example of your expert use of this form.
I'll have to the awdl hir a thoddaid myself. If you get a chance, you might peek at one of my gwydds, but sadly the points are all expired now.
Carol
P.S. Six worthy - I have none though.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Fascinating. I've been writing in Welsh forms lately, several awdl gwydds and one cywydd llosgyrnog - that was a tough one.
This form feels similar in that it contains the internal rhymes that the Welsh seem to like, but with a longer syllable count. The seven-syllable requirement of the gwydd with the internal rhymes can make for a tricky writing.
Anyway - I love your picture and it does look exactly like a bear. I appreciated your description of the bears' power, which they certainly have. I've seen a fair number of them - including Kodiac bears. The change that came "rolling in on wheels" made me feel sick, not b/c of your writing style but because of the doom that it did spell for them. I love your break to fantasy that the bears can blend into the trees, and those hunters could no longer find them.
This line "The hunters look for them, but no one sees,
as bear coats blend, to the subtlest degrees,
with bark of trees." is just one example of your expert use of this form.
I'll have to the awdl hir a thoddaid myself. If you get a chance, you might peek at one of my gwydds, but sadly the points are all expired now.
Carol
P.S. Six worthy - I have none though.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Thank you Carol. I really appreciate this awesome review. I so glad that you line mine sojourn into Welsh poetry. Actually Dean's Awdl Gwydd got be onto it. He was very complimentary of your guidance. I love every format of poetry, but am more interested in this Welsh form than in reviewing for money, so I will be happy to look at yours when I get a chance.
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Thank you, Tom. Nice to hear that you were inspired by Dean's work! I am just about done with a Hir A Thoddaid, which you inspired me to write. The poem has been brewing anyway, and this got me going.
Comment from Joan E.
Ah, the promised next root--and it does look quite like a bear! I'm glad you've created another Welsh form to add to your Animated Stills' collection. I enjoyed all your internal and end rhymes very much. Big cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Ah, the promised next root--and it does look quite like a bear! I'm glad you've created another Welsh form to add to your Animated Stills' collection. I enjoyed all your internal and end rhymes very much. Big cheers- Joan
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2016
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Thank you Joan, got a couple others too.
Comment from foxangie123
Another bravo and kudos to you is headed your direction. This was one piece of knowledgeable poetry. Thank you. Exceptional but out of six..
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Another bravo and kudos to you is headed your direction. This was one piece of knowledgeable poetry. Thank you. Exceptional but out of six..
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you foxangie.
Comment from jmtdegginger
Thanks for explaining much of the rhythm here, however, do forgive if my knowledge of Welsh styles or culture or art keeps me from appreciating some elements of the poem at hand.
Taking an animal, a beastly figure, and then the photograph as above all revel in this awe. We journey through these tightly structured articles to a rhythmic (10 is such a good syllable count) sound and pace, only sometimes interrupted by punctuation.
For instance, in the following:
"A fighting form, no other foe would dare
to take them on. In strength, none could compare."
That period halts what seems like should be a continuous flow. Flow being a major strength of this poem, and something that continues perpetually throughout the other two stanzas, when it breaks down, creates an unease. "In strength, none could compare," is a line that reads a tad cliche as well, and that doesn't help when combined with that loss of momentum.
It's an odd moment because you do end the non-rhyming line stanzas off incredibly well at the end of the poem by including the in-rhyme. This assisted the momentum in coming to a natural end, and just reading it helps the mind psychologically find satisfaction in the words.
This poem is impressive in its form. It renders it more lyrical in a way, something to be performed. But it's really in that which I find myself challenged with this poem. The story it tells of the hunters and the bears is felt not in the rhymes or the syllables, but in the images, the words. This is why something cliche in a poem does not assist its theme and subjects, we've simply heard it applied to too many things.
This is not meant to be harsh, as there's simply nothing wrong with a naturalistic poem. Mechanically I'm impressed by a form. However, some of the pacing and emphasis on those mechanics still feels (to me, and I have this problem with form poetry in general) like it robs the chance of more spectacular word pairing.
But I know this isn't the reality. "The bruins took to trees" is a perfect example. It's also a nice drum line of single syllable action. "The bear's fate (now) it seals" is an example of what I mean. (Now) is a word meant to uphold the form, it is not there because that is the most natural way to describe or write a poem, indeed, it's incredibly empty. It's these words that pock at the poem in places that create a desire for more description.
"So warm and soft it feels,
it appeals to unbridled, endless lust.
And so bears must adjust to such ordeals. "
These lines, particularly "unbridled, endless lust" are such specific emphatic descriptions of these men, these sins, these tragedies and murders, that it very well threatens to transcend the poem. Not that "unbridled" is not a familiar word to put next to "lust" but it is a specific and special word paired to the notion. It's powerful enough you could save two syllables with the repetition of "endless" which really means the same thing. What words with two syllables could go there? Unbridled, musky lust. Unbridled, breathy lust. Unbridled, cold steel lust. There's virtually much that could be saved in those small spaces without ruining the notion of the scheme.
So, I think that covers most of what I wanted to talk about. The mechanics are challenging, and I can't imagine the writing of this was easy. However, a few spots aside, this poem could be easily managed into revealing the full strength of its form and prove a daunting obelisk.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thanks for explaining much of the rhythm here, however, do forgive if my knowledge of Welsh styles or culture or art keeps me from appreciating some elements of the poem at hand.
Taking an animal, a beastly figure, and then the photograph as above all revel in this awe. We journey through these tightly structured articles to a rhythmic (10 is such a good syllable count) sound and pace, only sometimes interrupted by punctuation.
For instance, in the following:
"A fighting form, no other foe would dare
to take them on. In strength, none could compare."
That period halts what seems like should be a continuous flow. Flow being a major strength of this poem, and something that continues perpetually throughout the other two stanzas, when it breaks down, creates an unease. "In strength, none could compare," is a line that reads a tad cliche as well, and that doesn't help when combined with that loss of momentum.
It's an odd moment because you do end the non-rhyming line stanzas off incredibly well at the end of the poem by including the in-rhyme. This assisted the momentum in coming to a natural end, and just reading it helps the mind psychologically find satisfaction in the words.
This poem is impressive in its form. It renders it more lyrical in a way, something to be performed. But it's really in that which I find myself challenged with this poem. The story it tells of the hunters and the bears is felt not in the rhymes or the syllables, but in the images, the words. This is why something cliche in a poem does not assist its theme and subjects, we've simply heard it applied to too many things.
This is not meant to be harsh, as there's simply nothing wrong with a naturalistic poem. Mechanically I'm impressed by a form. However, some of the pacing and emphasis on those mechanics still feels (to me, and I have this problem with form poetry in general) like it robs the chance of more spectacular word pairing.
But I know this isn't the reality. "The bruins took to trees" is a perfect example. It's also a nice drum line of single syllable action. "The bear's fate (now) it seals" is an example of what I mean. (Now) is a word meant to uphold the form, it is not there because that is the most natural way to describe or write a poem, indeed, it's incredibly empty. It's these words that pock at the poem in places that create a desire for more description.
"So warm and soft it feels,
it appeals to unbridled, endless lust.
And so bears must adjust to such ordeals. "
These lines, particularly "unbridled, endless lust" are such specific emphatic descriptions of these men, these sins, these tragedies and murders, that it very well threatens to transcend the poem. Not that "unbridled" is not a familiar word to put next to "lust" but it is a specific and special word paired to the notion. It's powerful enough you could save two syllables with the repetition of "endless" which really means the same thing. What words with two syllables could go there? Unbridled, musky lust. Unbridled, breathy lust. Unbridled, cold steel lust. There's virtually much that could be saved in those small spaces without ruining the notion of the scheme.
So, I think that covers most of what I wanted to talk about. The mechanics are challenging, and I can't imagine the writing of this was easy. However, a few spots aside, this poem could be easily managed into revealing the full strength of its form and prove a daunting obelisk.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Jmtdegginger. Well, I fully appreciate when getting a 4, or less, that the analysis upon which this opinion is founded, is provided. So, I thank you sincerely for that.
I agree with your assessment of the word "now," but the rest is entirely subjective . I personally thought the alliteration of the letter T in "The Bruins took to the trees," quite well crafted. Regarding the placement of the period, my caesura was intentional. I believe the word "unbridled" means "without restraint", whereas "endless" means "never ending." So I personally have no issue with their juxtaposition. But that is me, and you are certainly entitled to you perceptions. I appreciate your stopping by and giving your well considered opinion.
Comment from Nottoway
A well piece reflecting the beauty, fierceness and the the precarious state of the magnificent animals. Encroachment upon habit and the over-hunting of so many animals is a sadness.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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A well piece reflecting the beauty, fierceness and the the precarious state of the magnificent animals. Encroachment upon habit and the over-hunting of so many animals is a sadness.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Nottiway. Yes, a bear was shot around here a coup,e of weeks ago, because it became a nuisance.
Comment from William Ross
very good bears are very good at blending into the environment if and when they want too, not as dumb as we think they are. Great write, good rhyme and rhythm a wonderful read, Thanks for sharing and have a great day.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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very good bears are very good at blending into the environment if and when they want too, not as dumb as we think they are. Great write, good rhyme and rhythm a wonderful read, Thanks for sharing and have a great day.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you William. They certainly are.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Actually it looks more like a wolf to me. Wow, it is almost a sculpture isn't it? You must carry your camera everywhere Tom.
I do enjoy your pictures as much as you poetry. Well done my friend. Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Actually it looks more like a wolf to me. Wow, it is almost a sculpture isn't it? You must carry your camera everywhere Tom.
I do enjoy your pictures as much as you poetry. Well done my friend. Nancy
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Nancy. Those times that I forget it, i always wish I had it.
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My hubby loved to take pictures. I should look through them.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Another fine animal distincted by selfish and greedy acts of human. It is an incredible photo of the tree root, i can see the bear in the roots
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Another fine animal distincted by selfish and greedy acts of human. It is an incredible photo of the tree root, i can see the bear in the roots
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Sandra. Roots are cool to see things in. All animals are under human stress.
Comment from patcelaw
Treischel, this is a great poem. Your rhyming scheme is perfect as it hides somewhat in the lines as the bears can hide in the trees. Your photo is great. Patricia
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Treischel, this is a great poem. Your rhyming scheme is perfect as it hides somewhat in the lines as the bears can hide in the trees. Your photo is great. Patricia
Comment Written 11-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2016
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Thank you Patricia. Your review makes me smile.
