Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 377 "Jesus Has Risen"Small and Specialty Poems
13 total reviews
Comment from amada
This is a very powerful writing. I was in awe to read the different ways you interpreted this divine happening. Those rhyming adds musicality and reverence to this holly theme. A pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
  |
This is a very powerful writing. I was in awe to read the different ways you interpreted this divine happening. Those rhyming adds musicality and reverence to this holly theme. A pleasure to read.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Amanda.
Comment from DonandVicki
I'm not sure if the meter is right or not either but you have put this story into good poetic verse. Very well done and I like the art work that you chose to complement your poem.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
|
I'm not sure if the meter is right or not either but you have put this story into good poetic verse. Very well done and I like the art work that you chose to complement your poem.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
-
Thank you DonandVicki.
Comment from Joan E.
What a challenge--to blend all four versions of the Resurrection in one poem! I admired your rhymes and use of the queries to further the story, plus your sonnet-like ending. Thank you for sharing this timely, spiritual ensemble. Well done- Joan
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
|
What a challenge--to blend all four versions of the Resurrection in one poem! I admired your rhymes and use of the queries to further the story, plus your sonnet-like ending. Thank you for sharing this timely, spiritual ensemble. Well done- Joan
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Joan. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from NicciFaye
Those last two lines are quite powerful. It brings this entire message to such a joyful and reassuring ending Treischel. Truly a great poetic tale that you've penned exceptionally well. (That rhymed..lol) Pantytgynt has created some interesting and exciting forms of poetry. I enjoyed this as I always do.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
Those last two lines are quite powerful. It brings this entire message to such a joyful and reassuring ending Treischel. Truly a great poetic tale that you've penned exceptionally well. (That rhymed..lol) Pantytgynt has created some interesting and exciting forms of poetry. I enjoyed this as I always do.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Nicci. Yes, he does.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Sorry Tom. I can't help, maybe Pantytgynt can. It is mind boggling to me. I couldn't find a meter at all nor see a pattern to the rhyme but that's just me. I am dyslectic and have trouble in that department myself. LOL HOWEVER it didn't detract from the story which I enjoyed very much. You did a great job with the story telling. God Bless you. Nancy
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
Sorry Tom. I can't help, maybe Pantytgynt can. It is mind boggling to me. I couldn't find a meter at all nor see a pattern to the rhyme but that's just me. I am dyslectic and have trouble in that department myself. LOL HOWEVER it didn't detract from the story which I enjoyed very much. You did a great job with the story telling. God Bless you. Nancy
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Nancy. That is the key point for sure.
Comment from TAB_that's me
The meter may not be perfect but the message is and the meter being off is not enough to be distracting.
This should be in the Easter contest.
Teresa
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
The meter may not be perfect but the message is and the meter being off is not enough to be distracting.
This should be in the Easter contest.
Teresa
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Teresa. You are so kind to say.
Comment from Kaydoe
A well written poem that says so much about our Lord and Savior. I can't be of help in how to improve with meter since I just started getting more serious about writing and have much to learn. It sounds good to me. You would probably need an expert on this subject to get advice. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
A well written poem that says so much about our Lord and Savior. I can't be of help in how to improve with meter since I just started getting more serious about writing and have much to learn. It sounds good to me. You would probably need an expert on this subject to get advice. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Kaydoe. I appreciate you honesty.
Comment from William Ross
This is good it reads really well, It's a hard story to put with an exact meter. I wouldn't change a thing, the story is there and like i think reads very well. have a great day.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
This is good it reads really well, It's a hard story to put with an exact meter. I wouldn't change a thing, the story is there and like i think reads very well. have a great day.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Thank you William.
Comment from Pantygynt
This an amazing undertaking, to combine the four gospellers' accounts of a supernatural event into a single poem. I am going to give it a five star grading, not because of its excellence as a poem in itself, we both know it has failed to achieve that. Indeed it is partially your honesty in admitting its flawed nature that leads me to the award. The other part stems from the enormity of the task.
Metrical heptameters can be difficult to construct because they do not divide into equal halves and are quite long for single statements. One way round, it's cheating really, is to write alternate tetrameters and trimeters then glue them together to create a heptameter's seven feet. I get the impression that this is what you have resorted to to a large extent in the second cycle where the meter in the metrical part is at its best, faultless in fact.
"Alleluia" is a word whose four syllables are frighteningly difficult to absorb in metrical verse as many hymn writers have found. Part of the problem is that, being a word that is not commonly on our lips, not mine anyway, in general conversation, we have no firm idea of where the "natural" stress lies. A strong dose of Handel means that many will naturally give it a trochaic start, while others prefer to hear it spoken dactyllically or even anapaestically. Writing on the subject of the resurrection means plenty of exposure to this poetically awkward word.
As I tred in vain to force parts of the first and third cycles ere into metrical order I was reminded of the words of our Poems and Pints webmaster. "Form should be your servant not your master."
I created this form originally for a particular poem that was built on a series of Q & A followed by a description. That was what I wanted to do and the form evolved from that. It turned out that the form adapted well to your trial poems because that is how trials work.
While anyone who has created a form of poetry is going to be thrilled when it is adopted by others, I have to say I think this is the wrong form for what you are trying to do here. There is actually very little conversation here. I think a form more conducive to narrative poetry would have suited your purpose better, though many thanks for trying. Here there is too much narrative in the first, syllabic part and too much direct speech in the second, metric part. As a result the two styles never seem to settle. This is a form it seems to me where form and content have to go hand in glove wiuth other. That happened in the trials and it isn't happening here. This is not the author but the selector that is to blame. Tough if it is the same guy.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
This an amazing undertaking, to combine the four gospellers' accounts of a supernatural event into a single poem. I am going to give it a five star grading, not because of its excellence as a poem in itself, we both know it has failed to achieve that. Indeed it is partially your honesty in admitting its flawed nature that leads me to the award. The other part stems from the enormity of the task.
Metrical heptameters can be difficult to construct because they do not divide into equal halves and are quite long for single statements. One way round, it's cheating really, is to write alternate tetrameters and trimeters then glue them together to create a heptameter's seven feet. I get the impression that this is what you have resorted to to a large extent in the second cycle where the meter in the metrical part is at its best, faultless in fact.
"Alleluia" is a word whose four syllables are frighteningly difficult to absorb in metrical verse as many hymn writers have found. Part of the problem is that, being a word that is not commonly on our lips, not mine anyway, in general conversation, we have no firm idea of where the "natural" stress lies. A strong dose of Handel means that many will naturally give it a trochaic start, while others prefer to hear it spoken dactyllically or even anapaestically. Writing on the subject of the resurrection means plenty of exposure to this poetically awkward word.
As I tred in vain to force parts of the first and third cycles ere into metrical order I was reminded of the words of our Poems and Pints webmaster. "Form should be your servant not your master."
I created this form originally for a particular poem that was built on a series of Q & A followed by a description. That was what I wanted to do and the form evolved from that. It turned out that the form adapted well to your trial poems because that is how trials work.
While anyone who has created a form of poetry is going to be thrilled when it is adopted by others, I have to say I think this is the wrong form for what you are trying to do here. There is actually very little conversation here. I think a form more conducive to narrative poetry would have suited your purpose better, though many thanks for trying. Here there is too much narrative in the first, syllabic part and too much direct speech in the second, metric part. As a result the two styles never seem to settle. This is a form it seems to me where form and content have to go hand in glove wiuth other. That happened in the trials and it isn't happening here. This is not the author but the selector that is to blame. Tough if it is the same guy.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Thank you Pantygynt. I totally agree with everything you say. I really wrestled with this one. Usually I'm better at selecting format, but after I laid it out and started down the path, I really searched for more dialogue, but found little. I also had too many feminine endings which hurt the Heptameter. I kept wanting to go to 15 counts, but stubbornly stayed at 14. I also wanted to keep the format consistent. Still and all, I enjoyed the challenge, and that has worth. Anyway, I appreciate your thoughts.
-
Thanks for trying but you can't win them all.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Well, Tom, this is one amazing piece of writing. And equally amazing authors notes. I don't know if anyone else had notices all those differences, I know I hadn't. But you have done such a good job going over the four apostles versions it is clear that accounts do change with each persons perspective. It does make you wonder what else differs from the main story. I think the Easter story of Jesus' dying and rising is basically true, but as is every story told, there is always going to be those little differences. The main thing is, Jesus died on the cross for us, and He rose again to let us know we will all live with Him and His Father, our Father, is Heaven. I really enjoyed reading this, Tom, well done on a brilliant piece of writing my friend. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
|
Well, Tom, this is one amazing piece of writing. And equally amazing authors notes. I don't know if anyone else had notices all those differences, I know I hadn't. But you have done such a good job going over the four apostles versions it is clear that accounts do change with each persons perspective. It does make you wonder what else differs from the main story. I think the Easter story of Jesus' dying and rising is basically true, but as is every story told, there is always going to be those little differences. The main thing is, Jesus died on the cross for us, and He rose again to let us know we will all live with Him and His Father, our Father, is Heaven. I really enjoyed reading this, Tom, well done on a brilliant piece of writing my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 09-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2016
-
Thank yo very much Sandra for an outstanding review and shared reflections.
