History and Myth
Viewing comments for Chapter 42 "To Golgotha"Poems that tell stories of long ago
27 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Treischel - this is a tremendous poem in Pantygynt form. This form lends itself to telling a story which is what you did here. From Jesus being condemned to death by Pilot to the crucifixion - written with great detail. Dramatic picture adds to the poem. 'This man condemned, the soldiers knew was innocent of sin.It mattered not, he was a Jew, and Fate's commands were in.' I never thought he was condemned because he was a Jew but because he was called King of the Jews. He was a threat. No matter you have written a great story amazingly well with perfect rhyme and meter. Quite a tour de force and I feel you should be given at least a 6. I do not have one but give a virtual and thank you for posting. Warm rgards Dorothy
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2016
Hi Treischel - this is a tremendous poem in Pantygynt form. This form lends itself to telling a story which is what you did here. From Jesus being condemned to death by Pilot to the crucifixion - written with great detail. Dramatic picture adds to the poem. 'This man condemned, the soldiers knew was innocent of sin.It mattered not, he was a Jew, and Fate's commands were in.' I never thought he was condemned because he was a Jew but because he was called King of the Jews. He was a threat. No matter you have written a great story amazingly well with perfect rhyme and meter. Quite a tour de force and I feel you should be given at least a 6. I do not have one but give a virtual and thank you for posting. Warm rgards Dorothy
Comment Written 12-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much for this detailed and warm review. My comment about him being a Jew was meant as a comment from the Roman's indifferent perspective. The Jewish perspective would that He blasphemed and deserved to die for claiming He was the Messiah.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a long poem and not your usual theme. I enjoyed the story about the cross and think this would be an excellent easter contest entry. I enjoyed the poem and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2016
This is a long poem and not your usual theme. I enjoyed the story about the cross and think this would be an excellent easter contest entry. I enjoyed the poem and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2016
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Thank you dmt.
Comment from Bill O'Bier
I enjoyed poem. The descriptive language flowed well. The artwork works great with the theme of the poem.
Thanks for sharing.
Bill
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2016
I enjoyed poem. The descriptive language flowed well. The artwork works great with the theme of the poem.
Thanks for sharing.
Bill
Comment Written 12-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2016
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Thank you Bill
Comment from ciliverde
Tom, this is a fantastic poem, an amazing piece of work that describes the crucifixion in more detail than I had ever imagined it. Even for someone just a man, this process would be spellbinding - but Jesus? It becomes elevated to another level in your verse.
You use this form to perfection, with the alternate rhyme quatrains used to describe from Centurion's perspective, and the rhyming tercet from Jesus' - to great effect.
This is an astounding piece of work, which I will read again at least once, if not more times. I feel this form will be enduring, as seems to be the perfect vehicle to tell a tale, from one or more perspectives - the variations within each cycle keep things fresh, and the final line of each cycle is done with force and grabs the reader.
Well done! One of the more amazing works I've seen here :)
Carol
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
Tom, this is a fantastic poem, an amazing piece of work that describes the crucifixion in more detail than I had ever imagined it. Even for someone just a man, this process would be spellbinding - but Jesus? It becomes elevated to another level in your verse.
You use this form to perfection, with the alternate rhyme quatrains used to describe from Centurion's perspective, and the rhyming tercet from Jesus' - to great effect.
This is an astounding piece of work, which I will read again at least once, if not more times. I feel this form will be enduring, as seems to be the perfect vehicle to tell a tale, from one or more perspectives - the variations within each cycle keep things fresh, and the final line of each cycle is done with force and grabs the reader.
Well done! One of the more amazing works I've seen here :)
Carol
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you Carol for a very encouraging and detailed review.
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You have to be proud of this one... :)
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Thank you Carol for a very encouraging and detailed review.
Comment from writeapoem
A very good poem on the crcifiction of our Lord. The style is educational the rhyme sublime. A very fine and unique descriptive story in verse.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
A very good poem on the crcifiction of our Lord. The style is educational the rhyme sublime. A very fine and unique descriptive story in verse.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you writeapoem.
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Thank you writeapoem.
Comment from nancyjam
A beautiful poem for Lent.
Looks like a difficult form but you have succeeded
in crafting an excellent retelling of the Crucifixion
while adhering to the rules.
Vivid images convey the tragedy of that day.
Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
A beautiful poem for Lent.
Looks like a difficult form but you have succeeded
in crafting an excellent retelling of the Crucifixion
while adhering to the rules.
Vivid images convey the tragedy of that day.
Nancy
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you Nancy, I am very pleased you liked it.
Comment from His Grayness
This work is a magnificent gift of both poetic structure and dimensions of education for poets to embrace with gratitude. The content is compelling and powerful with deep emotional grip. I cannot offer any suggestion to make this work any better but only to pray this author continues these awesome gifts of his brilliant mind to readers everywhere. Blessings and Thanks! HIS GRAYNESS
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
This work is a magnificent gift of both poetic structure and dimensions of education for poets to embrace with gratitude. The content is compelling and powerful with deep emotional grip. I cannot offer any suggestion to make this work any better but only to pray this author continues these awesome gifts of his brilliant mind to readers everywhere. Blessings and Thanks! HIS GRAYNESS
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much Vance. I appreciate your wonderful review. And those six stars.
Comment from tfawcus
You have exploited the power of this form marvellously here, The last line of each stanza has been used to full effect to inflict a summary blow to the mind of the reader. The two-part presentation acts like a dialogue in which first one side is presented and then the other. The overall effect is one of great, but restrained, intensity. Your poem suggests to me that Pantygynt may have created an enduring form. It is a shell that can create a pearl, as your poem so splendidly shows.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
You have exploited the power of this form marvellously here, The last line of each stanza has been used to full effect to inflict a summary blow to the mind of the reader. The two-part presentation acts like a dialogue in which first one side is presented and then the other. The overall effect is one of great, but restrained, intensity. Your poem suggests to me that Pantygynt may have created an enduring form. It is a shell that can create a pearl, as your poem so splendidly shows.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much Tony. I tend to agree that this is a powerful way to tell a long story with two dimensions.
Comment from I am Cat
Hello Tom,
A lovely Pantygynt form here... I think you've done well with it. I know there were earlier struggles with some edits, but it looks like you got most of them... as far as punctuation, it looks like right here:
One cursed Him, "Save yourself and us"[.]
But one, "Remember me, Jesus"[.]
He turned and then responded thus,
"With Me your soul I'll draw"[.]
was where you stopped putting the punctuation inside the quotes.... from here down to the end of the poem (which a few exceptions)
above this, you changed them... I'm not sure if you got called away from the computer (that often happens to me)
at any rate, I'm sure you'll square it away.
Well done, this is a vast undertaking.
You've done a great job,
Cat
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
Hello Tom,
A lovely Pantygynt form here... I think you've done well with it. I know there were earlier struggles with some edits, but it looks like you got most of them... as far as punctuation, it looks like right here:
One cursed Him, "Save yourself and us"[.]
But one, "Remember me, Jesus"[.]
He turned and then responded thus,
"With Me your soul I'll draw"[.]
was where you stopped putting the punctuation inside the quotes.... from here down to the end of the poem (which a few exceptions)
above this, you changed them... I'm not sure if you got called away from the computer (that often happens to me)
at any rate, I'm sure you'll square it away.
Well done, this is a vast undertaking.
You've done a great job,
Cat
Comment Written 11-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2016
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This has been really frustrating. So basically, all you have to say about this poem is concerned with it's damn punctuation. I had one person tell me that the punctuation never goes inside the quotation marks. What I thought, and Gynt too, is that if it is specifically related to the quote, then inside, if part of a large overall sentence, then outside. No you are telling me the all go inside. To make matter worse, because of the indentation of this format, I had to use the advanced editor. My lettering is light. The editor presents it against a white background, regardless of the background I am using. So, in this case, it is practically invisible, particularily the punctuation. Since I have a tendency to fat finger things, I introduce problems when I edit, and can't tell it until I save, and then read it.
I also had to interpret everyone's corrections. It would have been so much easier to just say put the periods and commas inside. I gone into this edit about 100 times now.
Anyway, I looked it up myself, now. Here is the rule: Commas and periods that are part of the overall sentence go inside the quotation marks, even though they aren?t part of the original quotation. Unless they are part of the original quotation, all marks other than commas or periods are placed outside the quotation marks.
So I am still messed up, but I'm not going in there again,
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LOL, well, I usually only will talk about religious poetry as it applies to the structure of poems, you know that.
I have no opinion, one way or the other (well, that's not true) as to the validity or the subject matter, but no one wants to hear it. It's not my favorite theme. Anyone else had written it, and I would have passed it altogether. I certainly wouldn't have spent an hour editing it. I did that because I care about YOU. As a person, as a poet. Period.
I'm sure it's a find piece of poetic work. It just doesn't appeal to me, personally. I'm sorry about that, but that's a failing in ME, you know? I don't care for 'Christian poetry". Had it had more of a spiritual feel, more emotion in it.... ok, I would have been all in there. But it didn't. It was a historical thing.
So I went to the part I felt I could be of help with.
If I messed that up, I'm sorry.
I'm used to reading dialogue.
As it pertains to dialogue, I read works like humpwhistle writes, and he puts the punctuation inside the quotes. I know he's doing it right, and so... that's how I'm editing. That's how I learned.
Like I said, I"m sorry if did it wrong.
I'm also sorry that advanced editor is someone irritating for everyone else. I happen to like it ok. It works for me. Except when I'm using a dark background and light letters, and then, I have to turn them black. If you're using black letters, don't use the black that's in the far upper left corner that is separate from the block of colors, that will make it dingy looking. The brighter one it right below it.
That's about all I can tell you about that. Lighten your background a little. There are problems with advanced editor and the naming should be changed.
You should have enough confidence by now with your writing, that MY lack of gushing won't make or break you. You know that I enjoy your work.
I like the free verse BETTER from you. And I've made no secret of that as well.
I like it when you are unconstrained. It shows another side to you... one without tethers.
I won't apologize for that.
I tend to like naked men.
so sue me. ;)
YOu should know, by now, my respect, admiration, and yes.... undying friendship and love for you. ;)
I don't have to stroke you about a religious poem. It makes me uncomfortable. (but that's on me, ok?)
I still think you're awesome.
We good? mwah!
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No we're not. Just because it's a religious theme doesn't mean you should overlook the poetic value. First of all, I rocked this format. It's a work of art, that really brings forward the power of it's layout. My rhyming was spectacular and inventive. I used lots of alliteration very cleverly. The whole thing flows exceptionally.
This was to be my masterpiece for the month. I thought I might get a six from you, Gynt, and possibly Tony, and was hoping for more, so that I could pull myself up the rankings at least a little bit. Instead I get a 4 from Gynt, and a brush off from you. So far, I've invested about 3 days and $50 in this poem. I have gotten 20 reviews (not even 25) and 2 sixes. At this point I feel like trashing the damn thing. Now I'm depressed and need to pout for a few days.
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First of all... I didn't even HAVE a six. Believe me, I wanted to give you a six, BOTH of us did. How could we with so many mistakes, Tom?
If I got all the sixes I BELIEVED I should? LOL
And you really really think I brushed you off?
I did 3/4's of that edit MYSELF NOT Gynt... ME.
I spent over an hour, with a sick dog and one in pain, right by me... myself, having to get up, take them out...
and falling behind all the time.
I'm sorry I couldn't hold your hand.
If we're not 'ok' it's not because I didn't try.
YES, it's a masterpiece, I agree.
Do I care for the subject matter? no.
Did I care for any of Gyn't Druid pieces? No, not really... But I appreciate the work and care put into ALL of them... yours included... Just because it's a Pantygynt, and it's long... you expected it to get what? accolades?
I like to be moved.
Had I had a six.... .I most likely would have given it for mere EPIC PROPORTION poetry. I did not have one. Sorry...
wow.
now... when you're finished pouting... some back and read this... i"m sure you're going to be VERY embarrassed that this is now here for everyone to read.
:(
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Ok, OK, UNCLE! I didn't mean to devalue your caring or effort. I'm sorry.
Just venting my frustration. Not just at you. It's just everything. I'm having a bad 2016, so far.
Let's hug and make up!
You guys are great!
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((((((((Tom)))))))) ;)
Some days we're the doggie, some days we're the tree, Tom LOL ;)
mwah!
Comment from nancy_e_davis
You did a fine job here Tom. The story of the death of Christ. You did well with the imagery and with a little work you could get the Iams in it where they are missing. I did stumble a few times but it is a story that never gets old. Well told Tom. xsx Nancy
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
You did a fine job here Tom. The story of the death of Christ. You did well with the imagery and with a little work you could get the Iams in it where they are missing. I did stumble a few times but it is a story that never gets old. Well told Tom. xsx Nancy
Comment Written 10-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2016
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Thank you Nancy.