Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 369 "Silent Winter Scene"Small and Specialty Poems
17 total reviews
Comment from Just2Write
This is the 4th poem I've read in this format, so I guess it's time to give it a name (Pantygynt) even though our own Pantygynt has not yet done so. I like the interesting rhyme scheme - You do a good job of explaining the form, and I have made a few modifications and added it to my book of Poetry forms.
For Pantygynt - His poem is a chain poem,
PG's poem was a chain poem, each set rhyming abab ccc b. I liked your variant of using the single line as a Refrain: abab ccc B. That works well too.
Just a note on S1L4:
Where once the waters flow.
'Where once' is past tense so if this line is part of a complete sentence the last word would be flowed.
A frozen channel lies between where once the waters flowed.
It's a near rhyme, but it works.
I couldn't think of a way to change that line to usethe word 'flow' instead, sorry.
Rose
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
This is the 4th poem I've read in this format, so I guess it's time to give it a name (Pantygynt) even though our own Pantygynt has not yet done so. I like the interesting rhyme scheme - You do a good job of explaining the form, and I have made a few modifications and added it to my book of Poetry forms.
For Pantygynt - His poem is a chain poem,
PG's poem was a chain poem, each set rhyming abab ccc b. I liked your variant of using the single line as a Refrain: abab ccc B. That works well too.
Just a note on S1L4:
Where once the waters flow.
'Where once' is past tense so if this line is part of a complete sentence the last word would be flowed.
A frozen channel lies between where once the waters flowed.
It's a near rhyme, but it works.
I couldn't think of a way to change that line to usethe word 'flow' instead, sorry.
Rose
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Thank you Rose. I appreciate you comments, which of course, is correct. However, I often find that poetry need not be grammatically correct. And so, being pulled over for a violation, I'll show the officer my poetic license.
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And you get off with a smile, and a 'have a nice day.'
I'll not stop you again on that count.
Rose.
Comment from tfawcus
Great use of the form. I like the slight modification, tying the verses together with an ostinato. I noticed that Jim, in one of his quatrains, repeated the last line in the singleton trimetric line, which produced a pleasing echo.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
Great use of the form. I like the slight modification, tying the verses together with an ostinato. I noticed that Jim, in one of his quatrains, repeated the last line in the singleton trimetric line, which produced a pleasing echo.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much tony. Glad you liked my modification. Just seemed logical to me. The stars are most appreciated.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I agree completely, Tom. Though winter is rather bleak color wise, there is still such a quiet, peaceful serenity to the landscape. And, as we both know, in todays dog-eat-dog, go, go, go, rat race of a society in which we all currently live, serenity, in and of itself, is beautiful.
I really liked what you did with the repetition of each trimetric line rhyming with b here. Sort of a hybrid between the oft written monotetra (in repetition alone, of course), and the snappy, fast-paced timing of the pantygynt.
Fantastic poetry, as always!
~Dean
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
I agree completely, Tom. Though winter is rather bleak color wise, there is still such a quiet, peaceful serenity to the landscape. And, as we both know, in todays dog-eat-dog, go, go, go, rat race of a society in which we all currently live, serenity, in and of itself, is beautiful.
I really liked what you did with the repetition of each trimetric line rhyming with b here. Sort of a hybrid between the oft written monotetra (in repetition alone, of course), and the snappy, fast-paced timing of the pantygynt.
Fantastic poetry, as always!
~Dean
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Thank you very much Dean. I am pleased that you liked it and captured the nuances. I enjoyed this new format.
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Tom,
I am fascinated by this format and you do it so well. It somehow manages to combine opinion/scene setting with a dynamic flow. Great stuff.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
Dear Tom,
I am fascinated by this format and you do it so well. It somehow manages to combine opinion/scene setting with a dynamic flow. Great stuff.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Thank you rhymelord. I appreciate your review and comments. It is a unique format that has nice rhythm and some flexibility.
Comment from lightink
This, I had to read aloud because it was so much fun to fully take in the rhythm.
You certainly did justice to this form, I am certain that Gynt is thrilled with this.
I also spent a lot of time looking at how you structured this, and I have to tell you, I am really impressed with the consistency of the structure - nature description, emotional impact, refrain line - repeat!
The poem is full of stunning imagery, S alliteration.
My favorite lines were :
"To meet within this sweet retreat
As winds of passion blow."
Both the meaning and the T consonance made it very enjoyable.
You owned this form as if this is what you've been writing all your life!
I wish I had a six for this, but I gave them all out for our sonnets.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
This, I had to read aloud because it was so much fun to fully take in the rhythm.
You certainly did justice to this form, I am certain that Gynt is thrilled with this.
I also spent a lot of time looking at how you structured this, and I have to tell you, I am really impressed with the consistency of the structure - nature description, emotional impact, refrain line - repeat!
The poem is full of stunning imagery, S alliteration.
My favorite lines were :
"To meet within this sweet retreat
As winds of passion blow."
Both the meaning and the T consonance made it very enjoyable.
You owned this form as if this is what you've been writing all your life!
I wish I had a six for this, but I gave them all out for our sonnets.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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Thank you Jyoti, I did too, but I really appreciate your review here. This is awesome in its detail.
Comment from Lynn27
This is a lovely poem. I loved the details that painted the mental photo in my mind. Your words were great, and touching to me. The photo was a great choice too.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
This is a lovely poem. I loved the details that painted the mental photo in my mind. Your words were great, and touching to me. The photo was a great choice too.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Thank you Lynnace.
Comment from Joan E.
I am glad you challenged yourself with the new, complex Pantygynt form. I enjoyed your rhymes, meter and modified repeats. Thanks for another cold winter scene--a "stark tableau" that looks like the temperature dropped back to the 30's or less! Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
I am glad you challenged yourself with the new, complex Pantygynt form. I enjoyed your rhymes, meter and modified repeats. Thanks for another cold winter scene--a "stark tableau" that looks like the temperature dropped back to the 30's or less! Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 02-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Thank you Joan. Yup, it's is snowing now. Just beautiful. Was out taking pictures.
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Ah, gathering more inspiration in the white wonderland! Enjoy and sweet dreams- Joan
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Treischel: great thoughts about winter and the seasons changing. The summer breeze and sitting outside reflecting is nice to think of when we have a BLIZZARD!
The Kare 11, Minneapolis reporters got stuck in JACKSON, MN, yes, highways 90 and 71 are CLOSED. CLOSED, now reflect on that on Lake Harriet, next summer when you are listening to the music outside. We are blessed we have a grocery store here. My husband works at Sunshine. The reporters were hungry so they did a newscast about Sunshine for airing. Yes, the stories they will bring back. We saw your highways and they looked icy. Hope all is well up there for you, Treischel. I think it is great that we can learn from each other. Your rhymes are awesome! Some people like to wade in this icy snow. I made tortilla chicken soup. Come by and cat anytime. I have black silk folgers coffee for you! flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
Treischel: great thoughts about winter and the seasons changing. The summer breeze and sitting outside reflecting is nice to think of when we have a BLIZZARD!
The Kare 11, Minneapolis reporters got stuck in JACKSON, MN, yes, highways 90 and 71 are CLOSED. CLOSED, now reflect on that on Lake Harriet, next summer when you are listening to the music outside. We are blessed we have a grocery store here. My husband works at Sunshine. The reporters were hungry so they did a newscast about Sunshine for airing. Yes, the stories they will bring back. We saw your highways and they looked icy. Hope all is well up there for you, Treischel. I think it is great that we can learn from each other. Your rhymes are awesome! Some people like to wade in this icy snow. I made tortilla chicken soup. Come by and cat anytime. I have black silk folgers coffee for you! flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 02-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Thank you flylikeaneagle, I just may have to take you up on that some time I'm down Jackson way. Love the snow, so big and fluffy, it's just beautiful. Was out taking pictures.
Comment from ciliverde
Excellent work with this new form, the Pantygynt. I worked on one for a few days myself, just released (Last of his Kind).
I like that you made the trimetric line repeating throughout - it helps to reinforce your theme: the starkly beautiful winter tableau.
Winter tends to narrow the range of colors down to those ranging between white and black, and rarely do we see a lovely blue..and here you mention that even the sky is slate (not blue).
The pines bring some reprieve to your lack of greenery, and you end by admitting that there is a charm to winter...
well done, very enjoyable reading,
Carol
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
Excellent work with this new form, the Pantygynt. I worked on one for a few days myself, just released (Last of his Kind).
I like that you made the trimetric line repeating throughout - it helps to reinforce your theme: the starkly beautiful winter tableau.
Winter tends to narrow the range of colors down to those ranging between white and black, and rarely do we see a lovely blue..and here you mention that even the sky is slate (not blue).
The pines bring some reprieve to your lack of greenery, and you end by admitting that there is a charm to winter...
well done, very enjoyable reading,
Carol
Comment Written 02-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Thank you Carol. I am impressed with the range of detail in this review and greatly appreciate the six star award. I'll have to check yours out.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very beautiful poem and a great photograph. We don't see much snow here, for me any snow scene is a wonderland. Each season has its own beauty and own downfalls.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
A very beautiful poem and a great photograph. We don't see much snow here, for me any snow scene is a wonderland. Each season has its own beauty and own downfalls.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2016
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Thank you Sandra. Very true.