Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Cinnabar Stripes"Poems /stories on Fanstory
37 total reviews
Comment from NJK62
I really liked this poem. Beneath its jokey facade and content is a serious point: a plea for the acceptance of those who are different. There's also real wit and inventiveness in the poem, particularly in the rhymes: 'pernickety' and 'finicky', and 'style' and 'phyle' are inspired! Furthermore, the anapestic metre is well-handled and appropriate, driving the reader through the poem and giving emphasis to key words. Well done! The highly accomplished writing in this truly deserves a six.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2016
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I really liked this poem. Beneath its jokey facade and content is a serious point: a plea for the acceptance of those who are different. There's also real wit and inventiveness in the poem, particularly in the rhymes: 'pernickety' and 'finicky', and 'style' and 'phyle' are inspired! Furthermore, the anapestic metre is well-handled and appropriate, driving the reader through the poem and giving emphasis to key words. Well done! The highly accomplished writing in this truly deserves a six.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2016
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Hi NJK62 .Thank you very much for your lovely words and generous six stars for my poem. I am really pleased this made such an impression on you and yes underneath my limerick style I wanted to highlight the message of acceptance. These words given were an interesting choice and once I understood all their meanings my little red Zebra appeared. I enjoy these challenges and am always grateful for feedback and I thank you so much for your time and encouragement to keep going.
Many Cheers Christine😃😃
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I have only read a few of the contest entries but this one really stands out.
Thank you for the notes in the bottom because you had some real winning words to work with but you did so well.
Great rhyming and good flow.
Good luck
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2016
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I have only read a few of the contest entries but this one really stands out.
Thank you for the notes in the bottom because you had some real winning words to work with but you did so well.
Great rhyming and good flow.
Good luck
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2016
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Hi Barb, Many thanks for your great review and for reading my poem so glad you liked this one and I enjoyed writing this and it made me stretch my poetic ability .I never know what I am going to write until I start and Vermillion gave me the idea about a red striped Zebra LOL. Many Cheers for your time and I placed second in the contest so I was pleased. Cheers
Comment from MissMerri
This was such a clever and creative response to this prompt and you used some rather difficult words to make a fun and most readable poem. I enjoyed the limerick style that seemed to add to the playful feel of the story you were telling about this colorful and extraordinary zebra creature. Congratulations on placing a close second in this most challenging contest. This was so well done!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2016
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This was such a clever and creative response to this prompt and you used some rather difficult words to make a fun and most readable poem. I enjoyed the limerick style that seemed to add to the playful feel of the story you were telling about this colorful and extraordinary zebra creature. Congratulations on placing a close second in this most challenging contest. This was so well done!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2016
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Hi MissMerri, what a great contest and I am pleased you thought I had done a fun readable poem. (It was a tough contest and I loved your entry also) I think we all had quite hard words and it amazes me what everyone came up with .Having a ball on this site and learning heaps. Cheers Christine 😃
Comment from foxangie123
Love the Zebra and your lines are exuberantly wonderful. I hope you win and promote this to the top because it is a ten. Wish I had six stars to give...
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2016
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Love the Zebra and your lines are exuberantly wonderful. I hope you win and promote this to the top because it is a ten. Wish I had six stars to give...
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2016
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Hi foxangie, I so thank you for your lovely words about my little Zebra and your rating is fabulous . I place second in this comp and that was a feat consdidering all the pther great entries so Again many thanks for your support and it really just all about the joy of writing. Cheers Christine😀
Comment from acerisestory
Hi Chrissy -- I think you've done a really fine job of using the prescribed words, which were not easy ones! And they fit well.
You've written a fun poem, full of great imagery. Great limerick rhyme and flow! And the image couldn't be more perfect! My favorite stanza is the first:
"There once was a Zebra quite bright
His stripes were Vermillion and white;
The herd Pernickety
Xenophobic and finicky
His look Neo-Classical not right."
Thank you for sharing this fun write! Alana
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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Hi Chrissy -- I think you've done a really fine job of using the prescribed words, which were not easy ones! And they fit well.
You've written a fun poem, full of great imagery. Great limerick rhyme and flow! And the image couldn't be more perfect! My favorite stanza is the first:
"There once was a Zebra quite bright
His stripes were Vermillion and white;
The herd Pernickety
Xenophobic and finicky
His look Neo-Classical not right."
Thank you for sharing this fun write! Alana
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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Hi Alana Thank you so much For stopping by to read this poem and I enjoyed the challenging words and so my little Zebra with his red stripes appeared. LOL . I was thrilled with second place in the contest. The winning entries from Cat and MissMerri were great. Always fun to try something different. Your lovely comments are appreciated Cheers Christine
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You are welcome, Christine. I loved your poem. The FanStory contests are tough because there is so much great competition. I throw my stuff on there and know the chances aren't great, but the contests make me try harder, I think. :) Alana
Comment from dmt1967
People hate differences and I feel so sorry for the young Zebra. It is not nice to be different at an age when blending in is all that matters. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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People hate differences and I feel so sorry for the young Zebra. It is not nice to be different at an age when blending in is all that matters. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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Hi dmt1967. I think my little Zebra will be Ok his Mother will look after him LOL . I think we should all be much more tolerant and kind too. Thanks for reading my poem and sharing your thoughts. I was pleased to have come second in the contest. Cheers Christine
Comment from c_lucas
I would think of it as a schizophrenic Zebra. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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I would think of it as a schizophrenic Zebra. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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Hi c lucas, Thanks for reading and reviewing my Cinnabar Stripes limerick poem. I appreciate your comments and yes I loved this image when found and thought it went well with my poem. I was pleased to have gained a second place in the contest. Cheers Christine have a great day
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You're welcome, Christine. Charlie
Comment from danpald
A trick of the play
For words to display
From poem to wit
A real challenge to say
Well done this poem
For children will like
The colors are fine
With a moral inside
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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A trick of the play
For words to display
From poem to wit
A real challenge to say
Well done this poem
For children will like
The colors are fine
With a moral inside
Comment Written 04-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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Hi Danpald, Many thanks for your creative review I love this response . Yes it does have a moral inside and I think I will keep my Cinnabar Zebra around Cheers Christine😃
Comment from rama devi
This contest is quite a challenge and you met it well. What a group of words! Fine imagery, tone, storytelling style, and characterization as well.
Good message'.
Good choice to format this as a series of limericks.
Good rhymes and flow, except for the punctuation choices, which I found to be inconsistent in that some lines use commas and periods and others do not, even though they would be grammatically required. Some suggestions along those lines and a couple of spag (for example HERD is singular, so the verb should be WAS not WERE):
There once was a Zebra quite bright(.)
His stripes were Vermillion and white,(. or ;)
The herd were(WAS) Pernickety(,)
Xenophobic and finicky(-- or ; or .)
His look Neo-Classical not right.
This Zebra stood out in the pack
With red pigment colour, not black(. or ;)
His classical style
Could be from the phyle(. or --)
A first of his kind, a throw-back.
This caused a great fear to the herd(; or .)
His colour was really absurd,(-- or ;)
Not Zebra(,) of course(... or , or ; or . or --)
He must be a horse
Cause his stripes were really quite blurred.
His mother said(,) "stop all this fuss"!
Accept he is different, not suss(.) (This rhyme sounds slightly forced)
Not from Jurrasic
Nor Neo-Classic(; or . or --)
He really is just one of us.
I love the closing line and the clever rhyme of Neo-classic and Jurassic! Quite impressive!
Sorry for the four star rating but it is an honest assessment and I'll be happy to re-review if you make any revisions and also to upgrade accordingly.
Wish you well in the contest.
As most Fanstorian reviewers don't bother about punctuation (even though it's an important tool in the poetic craft), I bet this will garner a few votes because it's clever and amusing and so well presented too! Your title is perfect...and drew me in.
Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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This contest is quite a challenge and you met it well. What a group of words! Fine imagery, tone, storytelling style, and characterization as well.
Good message'.
Good choice to format this as a series of limericks.
Good rhymes and flow, except for the punctuation choices, which I found to be inconsistent in that some lines use commas and periods and others do not, even though they would be grammatically required. Some suggestions along those lines and a couple of spag (for example HERD is singular, so the verb should be WAS not WERE):
There once was a Zebra quite bright(.)
His stripes were Vermillion and white,(. or ;)
The herd were(WAS) Pernickety(,)
Xenophobic and finicky(-- or ; or .)
His look Neo-Classical not right.
This Zebra stood out in the pack
With red pigment colour, not black(. or ;)
His classical style
Could be from the phyle(. or --)
A first of his kind, a throw-back.
This caused a great fear to the herd(; or .)
His colour was really absurd,(-- or ;)
Not Zebra(,) of course(... or , or ; or . or --)
He must be a horse
Cause his stripes were really quite blurred.
His mother said(,) "stop all this fuss"!
Accept he is different, not suss(.) (This rhyme sounds slightly forced)
Not from Jurrasic
Nor Neo-Classic(; or . or --)
He really is just one of us.
I love the closing line and the clever rhyme of Neo-classic and Jurassic! Quite impressive!
Sorry for the four star rating but it is an honest assessment and I'll be happy to re-review if you make any revisions and also to upgrade accordingly.
Wish you well in the contest.
As most Fanstorian reviewers don't bother about punctuation (even though it's an important tool in the poetic craft), I bet this will garner a few votes because it's clever and amusing and so well presented too! Your title is perfect...and drew me in.
Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2016
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Hi rd I thank you very much for your fine tooth comb review of my poem and I accept your 4 star rating with no problem and have made some corrections based on your suggestions, so I do appreciate your help. i am still a little confused as to what constitutes a ; or , and sometimes put a comma in to take a breath. Always happy to accept good advice. Cheers Christine😃
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Thanks for your gracious response to my review, Christine...and nice to meet you, by the way! Will revisit with a second review. :)
Warmest Smiles, rd
Comment from Leineco
LOL - brilliantly funny!
What a hellacious list of words you got! And yet you handled it with
aplomb, penning a thoroughly enjoyable read :-)
Excellent response and submission :-)
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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LOL - brilliantly funny!
What a hellacious list of words you got! And yet you handled it with
aplomb, penning a thoroughly enjoyable read :-)
Excellent response and submission :-)
Comment Written 03-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2016
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He Leineco, Thanks for your fabulous review I am so pleased this has hit a mark and yes what interesting word I got LOl
anyway love you comments and manny Cheers Christine😃
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He Leineco, Thanks for your fabulous review I am so pleased this has hit a mark and yes what interesting word I got LOl
anyway love you comments and manny Cheers Christine😃
