Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 346 "Dark Moments"Small and Specialty Poems
11 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
Inspired use of alliteration lifts this to a beautifully lyrical flow. I think it was an excellent idea to include alliteration in that third line as well as elsewhere; it gives an additional unity to the piece. I haven't had a decent dream for a long time, or if I have I've forgotten it by the time I wake up. Perhaps I should surround myself with dream catchers.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
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Inspired use of alliteration lifts this to a beautifully lyrical flow. I think it was an excellent idea to include alliteration in that third line as well as elsewhere; it gives an additional unity to the piece. I haven't had a decent dream for a long time, or if I have I've forgotten it by the time I wake up. Perhaps I should surround myself with dream catchers.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt. That's a great Idea.
Comment from Joan E.
Your photograph and presentation are quite dramatic. I am no longer surprised by your use of new forms--I expect them. I enjoyed your rhyme patterns and repeats as you reflected about dreams. Your alliteration of "f's" is very effective as well. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
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Your photograph and presentation are quite dramatic. I am no longer surprised by your use of new forms--I expect them. I enjoyed your rhyme patterns and repeats as you reflected about dreams. Your alliteration of "f's" is very effective as well. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 15-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2015
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Thank you Joan.i guess I'm getting too predictable.
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No--just predictable enough not to disappoint! Smiles- Joan
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, treischel, I don't know how you keep up with all of these different forms and have the mindset and courage to attempt them. I enjoyed reading this one. we all need to find a way to overcome our dark moments
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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this is an excellent write, treischel, I don't know how you keep up with all of these different forms and have the mindset and courage to attempt them. I enjoyed reading this one. we all need to find a way to overcome our dark moments
Comment Written 14-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Thank you sweetwoodjax. I just love find them and writing them.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
A wonderful poem. Interesting pattern, which flows easily and has a lot of structure to it. I guess one has to go into great detail because otherwise, most people don't see the pattern on their own. Which is a shame, really. Must everything be explained for readers to 'get it'? I am used to readers figuring the message and pattern for themselves. Sometimes one has to read between the lines to see the message and pattern. I think that is a good thing. Thanks for your well-done poem, showing a different pattern than I am used to.
Peace, Jesse
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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A wonderful poem. Interesting pattern, which flows easily and has a lot of structure to it. I guess one has to go into great detail because otherwise, most people don't see the pattern on their own. Which is a shame, really. Must everything be explained for readers to 'get it'? I am used to readers figuring the message and pattern for themselves. Sometimes one has to read between the lines to see the message and pattern. I think that is a good thing. Thanks for your well-done poem, showing a different pattern than I am used to.
Peace, Jesse
Comment Written 14-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Thank you Jesse. I like to give an explanation so that other poets can try them if they want to. But each to their own, I feel.
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I see your point, but, yes, each to their own.
Jesse
Comment from Glasstruth
Very positive. Attitudes can change someone's fortune and good luck. Like the originality, especially in this verse:
"Dream-catchers placed on high will grab them,
As they catch upon their vines
They'll flutter and go, in fevered flow,
When the evening shadows touch their tines."
Wonderfully written. Les
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Very positive. Attitudes can change someone's fortune and good luck. Like the originality, especially in this verse:
"Dream-catchers placed on high will grab them,
As they catch upon their vines
They'll flutter and go, in fevered flow,
When the evening shadows touch their tines."
Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 14-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Thank you very much Les. I always appreciate your input.
Comment from Domino 2
Blimey - I'll take your word you've followed all the rules, my friend. ;-)
Tines is a very interesting and new word which I had to look up (points, spines).
With respect, I think all rhymed/structured poetry benefits from a regular meter pattern, and I therefore found the read a bit 'jumpy'.
Anyway, the content is excellent and conveys vivid and beautiful imagery of the leaves.
Also, as excellent connection/metaphor to real life.
Nice one.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Blimey - I'll take your word you've followed all the rules, my friend. ;-)
Tines is a very interesting and new word which I had to look up (points, spines).
With respect, I think all rhymed/structured poetry benefits from a regular meter pattern, and I therefore found the read a bit 'jumpy'.
Anyway, the content is excellent and conveys vivid and beautiful imagery of the leaves.
Also, as excellent connection/metaphor to real life.
Nice one.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 14-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Thank you Ray. You gave a valid point. Alas, the 9 and 7 structure don't lend themselves to even better.
Comment from robyn corum
Tom,
A lovely poem about letting go of the negative and holding on to the positive. I enjoyed!
Favorite lines:
So, hold onto your dreams more tightly,
But let go of all painful pasts.
They'll flutter and go, in fevered flow.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Tom,
A lovely poem about letting go of the negative and holding on to the positive. I enjoyed!
Favorite lines:
So, hold onto your dreams more tightly,
But let go of all painful pasts.
They'll flutter and go, in fevered flow.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Thank you Robyn.
Comment from cj lutton
Great poem!
I think that it is in our nature to always "suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune..." before we can turn to our dreams and aspirations.
Thanks for helping us to set our priorities in the right ordet.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Great poem!
I think that it is in our nature to always "suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune..." before we can turn to our dreams and aspirations.
Thanks for helping us to set our priorities in the right ordet.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Thank you cj, for reviewing and commenting.
Comment from Liberty Justice
Awesome! "whispered wishes on the wind" beautiful enchanting alliterations personifying our dreams--that we should let go of the pains of the past and find happiness. Good therapy!
Beautiful photo aligned with font and background colors.liberty justicr
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Awesome! "whispered wishes on the wind" beautiful enchanting alliterations personifying our dreams--that we should let go of the pains of the past and find happiness. Good therapy!
Beautiful photo aligned with font and background colors.liberty justicr
Comment Written 14-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Thank you Liberty. I am pleased that it touched you.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
An new and interesting form of poetry very well done, a lovely photo to go with the message to forget the painful memories and let the beautiful dreams come true.
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reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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An new and interesting form of poetry very well done, a lovely photo to go with the message to forget the painful memories and let the beautiful dreams come true.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2015
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Thank you Sandra. Glad you enjoyed it.
