Wild and Free
Narrative in Alouette form62 total reviews
Comment from Unspoken94
I can't explain why, but I think an Alouette is the most difficult form
to develop and yet you have penned a wonderful story/poem that
kept me glued to the end. And what an end you give. This will be
one of the best in the contest. We don't vote probably but I am confident
of this entry. -Bill
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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I can't explain why, but I think an Alouette is the most difficult form
to develop and yet you have penned a wonderful story/poem that
kept me glued to the end. And what an end you give. This will be
one of the best in the contest. We don't vote probably but I am confident
of this entry. -Bill
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Bill, thanks for the kind words.
This is a brand new form to me and I had some trouble working out how the meter should go - 5/5/7 syllables didn't seem to work with either iambic or anapaestic so I ended up combining the two and was quite pleased with the result, so I just kept going! I think the form was originally designed more for a short, lyrical piece, but I'm sure you'll agree it performs fairly well for long narrative as well!
Steve
Comment from Teri7
This is a very wonderful poem you have penned. It kept me on edge as I read each word of it. I am so happy you made it away from the father. Great job. Hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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This is a very wonderful poem you have penned. It kept me on edge as I read each word of it. I am so happy you made it away from the father. Great job. Hugs, Teri
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Teri - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from mermaids
Love the ending of the poem, living in the forest and being married to an outlaw. There is a musical feel and flow to your words, I can hear your poem as a song. To my arms she leaps is a line that gives the reader a good feeling and shows the love she has for her outlaw man. Excellent poetic form that reads like a movie.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Love the ending of the poem, living in the forest and being married to an outlaw. There is a musical feel and flow to your words, I can hear your poem as a song. To my arms she leaps is a line that gives the reader a good feeling and shows the love she has for her outlaw man. Excellent poetic form that reads like a movie.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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I believe living in a forest with an outlaw is vastly over-rated - no hot showers for a start, and one gets sick of wild boar and venison after a while....
Thanks for the great review.
Steve
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Hahaha.....wild boar for dinner! good point about the downside of living with an outlaw in the forest. Elaine
Comment from Bill Schott
I like everything about this poem. The graphic, the format choice, and the action moving through from beginning to end. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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I like everything about this poem. The graphic, the format choice, and the action moving through from beginning to end. Nicely done.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Bill, for the great review and the six shiny stars.
Steve
Comment from kiwijenny
This is a wonderful poem. I love your word choices ...darkling crag
Greenwood shade...words of old give this a sense of romance from the past
Well penned
God bless
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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This is a wonderful poem. I love your word choices ...darkling crag
Greenwood shade...words of old give this a sense of romance from the past
Well penned
God bless
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Jenny.
Steve
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Steve,
This is a winner! What a great story you have told in Alouette form.
Loved the old-world language used ... "'tis, the morrow, ere". It really carries the reader to another place in time. Strong rhyming, perfect flow, and wonderful imagery created for your reader. The artwork and poem complement one another to a tee.
Loved it all, but in particular ...
"And his hoof-beats pound
On the stony ground,
A match to my heart's mad race". :)
Great poem ... best wishes for the contest!
Connie
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Steve,
This is a winner! What a great story you have told in Alouette form.
Loved the old-world language used ... "'tis, the morrow, ere". It really carries the reader to another place in time. Strong rhyming, perfect flow, and wonderful imagery created for your reader. The artwork and poem complement one another to a tee.
Loved it all, but in particular ...
"And his hoof-beats pound
On the stony ground,
A match to my heart's mad race". :)
Great poem ... best wishes for the contest!
Connie
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Connie. It's certainly attracted some excellent reviews from some of the best reviewers...
This is a brand new form to me and I had some trouble working out how the meter should go - 5/5/7 syllables didn't seem to work with either iambic or anapaestic so I ended up combining the two and was quite pleased with the result, so I just kept going! I think the form was originally designed more for a short, lyrical piece, but I'm sure you'll agree it performs fairly well for long narrative as well!
Steve
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The result speaks for itself, Steve ... sheer perfection! Loved it! I will use it as an example when I attempt an Alouette poem, which I really would like to attempt, as it was akin to reading an adult fairy tale.
Comment from Louise Michelle
This is an amazing piece of work, Steve. To write an epic poem and do it so well illustrates how much effort you put into it.
I'm not familiar with the Alouette form and probably can't appreciate each nuance, but I know you did it well because the poem reads so smoothly. I congratulate you on a job well done. Hugs, Lou
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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This is an amazing piece of work, Steve. To write an epic poem and do it so well illustrates how much effort you put into it.
I'm not familiar with the Alouette form and probably can't appreciate each nuance, but I know you did it well because the poem reads so smoothly. I congratulate you on a job well done. Hugs, Lou
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Lou, thanks for the great review and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Pantygynt
I think this is the longest alouette I have yet read and doesn't this form lend itself so well to the sort of traditional style tale told here. As I was reading it aloud its rhythms were reminding me of a 1959 song by Paddy Roberts called "The Ballad of Bethnal Green" I found I could sing your poem perfectly to Roberts' tune apart from his fol-de-rol style chorus , which I simply left out.
Wondering whether I had discovered an earlier form of the Alouette I Googled it. Well the answer was "no, not in the way it is laid out there". There was a recording of Paddy singing it himself on YouTube however so I was able to check that I did have the tune perfectly. The tune has an A and B part and each fits your poem perfectly. As your poem has an even number of stanzas the whole thing fits like a glove, just leave the chorus out or abandon the strict Alouette form and write a little fol-de-rol type chorus in there that fits your story. Great fun. I do urge you to follow my tracks. I am sure you would enjoy it.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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I think this is the longest alouette I have yet read and doesn't this form lend itself so well to the sort of traditional style tale told here. As I was reading it aloud its rhythms were reminding me of a 1959 song by Paddy Roberts called "The Ballad of Bethnal Green" I found I could sing your poem perfectly to Roberts' tune apart from his fol-de-rol style chorus , which I simply left out.
Wondering whether I had discovered an earlier form of the Alouette I Googled it. Well the answer was "no, not in the way it is laid out there". There was a recording of Paddy singing it himself on YouTube however so I was able to check that I did have the tune perfectly. The tune has an A and B part and each fits your poem perfectly. As your poem has an even number of stanzas the whole thing fits like a glove, just leave the chorus out or abandon the strict Alouette form and write a little fol-de-rol type chorus in there that fits your story. Great fun. I do urge you to follow my tracks. I am sure you would enjoy it.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, PG.
I knew nothing about the Allouette before thi and research didn't help much - just another invented form, I suppose. What I did read suggested it was designed for short, lyrical pieces. Hah!
I struggled to get any sort of meter going at first, but once I worked out a pattern by combining iambics and anapaests, I as away, and nothing could stop me.
I did check out Paddy's song - very funny man. I liked his 'Merry Christmas, Suckers' as well. I didn't especially see how my words would fit on first listening, but I didn't have them in front of me - I'll give it another go later when I've let the tune settle into my head a bit more - of course I may never get it out, then!
Thanks again!
Steve
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Absolutely beautiful, Steve. Your story lends itself well to the rhythms of the Alouette form. And you've done an excellent job getting the emphasis to fall correctly and effortlessly on the third syllable of each line. Well done, sir. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Absolutely beautiful, Steve. Your story lends itself well to the rhythms of the Alouette form. And you've done an excellent job getting the emphasis to fall correctly and effortlessly on the third syllable of each line. Well done, sir. :) Nancy
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Nancy.
Not what the Allouette was designed for, I suspect, but I like it and so do a lot of top reviewers!
Steve
Comment from Lesley Collier
A wonderfully romantic poem of a young man riding to meet his promised bride and rescuing her from the clutches of her disgruntled father escapes with her so that they can be married and live their lives wild and free in the heart of the forest. Well written, nicely flowing, romantic with lots of adventure!
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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A wonderfully romantic poem of a young man riding to meet his promised bride and rescuing her from the clutches of her disgruntled father escapes with her so that they can be married and live their lives wild and free in the heart of the forest. Well written, nicely flowing, romantic with lots of adventure!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2015
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Thanks, lesley - I do like to let my romantic side out for a bit of a play occasionally.
Steve
