Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "A Painted Smile"Poems /stories on Fanstory
20 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your take on the picture challenge. I really like how you expressed the message clearly, and it is easily understood by others. Good job on the rhyme. Your lines flow well. Good job and thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
  |
I enjoyed your take on the picture challenge. I really like how you expressed the message clearly, and it is easily understood by others. Good job on the rhyme. Your lines flow well. Good job and thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
-
Thanks jannypan I am glad you enjoyed this take on this very interesting picture challenge. Enjoy you support with Cheers Christine😃
Comment from pharp
Christine,
I read this great poem on yesterday and rated it, and somehow the number of six stars I had left did not match what I had given. Tracing back I find that my review of this great poem did not reach you. I pray you receive it this time.
You did an exceptional job in the penning of this poem, everything was just perfect. Perfect rhyming and meter, perfect flow allowing for a most enjoyable read, the last two stanzas in your poem perfect and encouraging advice. Thanks for sharing a most outstanding and profound poem. Blessings.........Portia
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
 |
Christine,
I read this great poem on yesterday and rated it, and somehow the number of six stars I had left did not match what I had given. Tracing back I find that my review of this great poem did not reach you. I pray you receive it this time.
You did an exceptional job in the penning of this poem, everything was just perfect. Perfect rhyming and meter, perfect flow allowing for a most enjoyable read, the last two stanzas in your poem perfect and encouraging advice. Thanks for sharing a most outstanding and profound poem. Blessings.........Portia
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Hi Portia . Oh Gee what a great review and thank you so much for your generosity I am so pleased you found this worthy, I enjoyed creating this poem and as always try to have the rhyme and rhythm exact. just an old fashioned poet I guess lol. The story just seemed to come from now where when I looked at the image and I found her sad but interesting. Have foind out since a little about this Mexican artist Frida so she had a sad life too bit I hope some happiness somewhere . Cheers and a hug for your review Christine 😃
Comment from Pantygynt
Yet another different take on the picture. Quite fascinating what this one has stirred up. Here in your poem she is everything false, a painted face a form of disguise almost mummified bound tight in grave clothes yet yearning to be free and full of a new life.
The rhymimg couplets, I always believe, work best with longer lines like these iambic heptameters. With shorter lines like tetrameters they can seem very trite.
You obviously have a good sense of rhythm since you maintain yours faultlessly throughout. In order to do so however you have had to resort to forcing the rhythm on a few occasions withe the dreaded auxiliary verb "to do". That is an archaic style that is out of place in modern poetry unless of course you are parodying an earlier, perhaps romantic style and there is nothing else in this that leads me to believe that you are.
In the instances below I have rewritten the line below your original to show how these linguistic anachronisms might be avoided. My rewrites should appear in italics I hope
I wonder what your thoughts do hold, that never set you free.
I wonder what your thoughts here hold, that never set you free.
These colours bright but a facade, your outward face does show
These colours bright but a facade, your outward face will show
Your spirit now they do displace, for wrongs they make you pay.
Your spirit they will then displace, for wrongs they'll make you pay.
There is always another way round the problem. It is however OK to use it if its sole purpose is to emphasize something e.g. that really does make me roar with laughter.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
|
Yet another different take on the picture. Quite fascinating what this one has stirred up. Here in your poem she is everything false, a painted face a form of disguise almost mummified bound tight in grave clothes yet yearning to be free and full of a new life.
The rhymimg couplets, I always believe, work best with longer lines like these iambic heptameters. With shorter lines like tetrameters they can seem very trite.
You obviously have a good sense of rhythm since you maintain yours faultlessly throughout. In order to do so however you have had to resort to forcing the rhythm on a few occasions withe the dreaded auxiliary verb "to do". That is an archaic style that is out of place in modern poetry unless of course you are parodying an earlier, perhaps romantic style and there is nothing else in this that leads me to believe that you are.
In the instances below I have rewritten the line below your original to show how these linguistic anachronisms might be avoided. My rewrites should appear in italics I hope
I wonder what your thoughts do hold, that never set you free.
I wonder what your thoughts here hold, that never set you free.
These colours bright but a facade, your outward face does show
These colours bright but a facade, your outward face will show
Your spirit now they do displace, for wrongs they make you pay.
Your spirit they will then displace, for wrongs they'll make you pay.
There is always another way round the problem. It is however OK to use it if its sole purpose is to emphasize something e.g. that really does make me roar with laughter.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
-
Hi Pantygynt Thank you for your well thought out review and comments re the structure of my poem. particularly regarding my use of the word do which I actually deliberately chose in these lines as it is a verb used with an object i.e. (thoughts as the object) to mean the cause of harm or to bring about effect so I thought it appropriate to emphasise this meaning . Also your suggestion of the use of the word 'here' as an adverb instead of the word do didn't for me seem as direct as the use of do.
However I really appreciate your suggestions and critique and for paying attention my use of my metrical lines and syllables count . I.e tetrameter(4) and heptameter(7) to keep the flow and rhythm.
I will keep your suggestions for future consideration in other poems I may write and thank you very much for your ongoing support and help Cheers Christine😃
Comment from snooker155
worthy of Poet Laureate Status straight out of the style of Carol Anne Duffy Poet Laureate to the Queen reviewed by recently awarded English Poet Laureate since August 9th 2015 William Scriven alias snooker155x
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
|
worthy of Poet Laureate Status straight out of the style of Carol Anne Duffy Poet Laureate to the Queen reviewed by recently awarded English Poet Laureate since August 9th 2015 William Scriven alias snooker155x
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Oh wow William , what a lovely comment for my poem much appreciated and so glad you found it this worthy. I will look up Carol Anne Duffy and have a read of her work. With a big smile and Cheers to you Christine😃
Comment from TAB_that's me
Such wonderful imagery Chrissy. I especially loved the eyes of blackened coal. This was such a challenging but fun photo!
teresa
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
|
Such wonderful imagery Chrissy. I especially loved the eyes of blackened coal. This was such a challenging but fun photo!
teresa
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Thanks so much Teresa for your lovely review , the eyes in this image just stared out with a sadness and blackend coal just seem to flow from my brain. What a great challenge these are and I do love to read everyone's posts. With Cheers to you for your support Christine😃
Comment from barkingdog
Whether or not you knew the history of the artist (Frida), you have written of her suffering. She had a life of pain both physical and emotional and your seeing that she covered it in the bright colors and painted face are almost uncanny.
Your quatrains rhyme beautifully and the tempo is even and very enjoyable.
This is the best that I've read in this challenge today.
:) e
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
|
Whether or not you knew the history of the artist (Frida), you have written of her suffering. She had a life of pain both physical and emotional and your seeing that she covered it in the bright colors and painted face are almost uncanny.
Your quatrains rhyme beautifully and the tempo is even and very enjoyable.
This is the best that I've read in this challenge today.
:) e
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Hi barkingdog, Thank you so much for your comments and no I had no idea who Frida was ( I will google her up) However her image just seem to reach out and that is what I saw her pain ( a bit spooky when you told me her history I hope she approves of this poem) I seem to write most of my poem in this style , a bit 'old school' I suppose bit I like a rhyme and even tempo so thanks for your great feedback Cheers Christine😃
Comment from Leineco
You know, I didn't think of it as I contemplated this painting -
but having read your poem, I see it now, not as a woman prepared for burial, all decked out in her finest garments and jewels, but rather as you have imagined -
a facade hiding a prisoner to torment and pain. The hollow-black eyes and oversized smile just a mask to disguise her horror at what she has endured.
Truly intriguing take on this artwork! :-)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
|
You know, I didn't think of it as I contemplated this painting -
but having read your poem, I see it now, not as a woman prepared for burial, all decked out in her finest garments and jewels, but rather as you have imagined -
a facade hiding a prisoner to torment and pain. The hollow-black eyes and oversized smile just a mask to disguise her horror at what she has endured.
Truly intriguing take on this artwork! :-)
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Thank you heaps Leineco for your thoughtful interpretation of my take on this image. some times my poetry just 'writes itself' and maybe this was the case when I looked at who I now know as Frieda. I love these challenges and sometimes come up with something Ok LOL .With a Cheers to you for Aus Christine😃
Comment from I am Cat
If I had a six, I would award you with it merely for these two stanzas which are so lovely just on their own:
Unmask yourself, release those woes, your inner strength reveal
Shed now this gown, undo those bows, time for your wounds to heal.
Unwind these braids so tightly drawn, take out the pins of doubt
Let now there be a brand new dawn, with hope, so just reach out.
Shake off these mantles causing strife, cast out and set them free
Breathe in elixir of new life, take charge and you will see
A world of beauty to embrace, where you can find some peace
And never more a painted face, but fresh from it's release.
I've not read 8 lines lately which so perfectly sum up my last 25 years so synergistically... it's amazing. I absolutely love those lines.
I give you a virtual six star for these lines alone (not that the others aren't lovely) but these just reach out and speak to me:
beautiful... i love this.
Well done Christine...
Cat
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
|
If I had a six, I would award you with it merely for these two stanzas which are so lovely just on their own:
Unmask yourself, release those woes, your inner strength reveal
Shed now this gown, undo those bows, time for your wounds to heal.
Unwind these braids so tightly drawn, take out the pins of doubt
Let now there be a brand new dawn, with hope, so just reach out.
Shake off these mantles causing strife, cast out and set them free
Breathe in elixir of new life, take charge and you will see
A world of beauty to embrace, where you can find some peace
And never more a painted face, but fresh from it's release.
I've not read 8 lines lately which so perfectly sum up my last 25 years so synergistically... it's amazing. I absolutely love those lines.
I give you a virtual six star for these lines alone (not that the others aren't lovely) but these just reach out and speak to me:
beautiful... i love this.
Well done Christine...
Cat
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Oh Cat what a fabulous review from you and this makes me so thankful I created this peace and so glad you got a lot out of it. I am so lucky to have had a blessed life and can't imagine how hard it must be to go through lifetime torment, but as I have often read you work I really admire your tenacitity and honest poetry . So to make you feel like this I am honoured by your words. I have really enjoyed getting to know everyone on FS and love it for this fact alone and have so much enjoyed everyone's support and encouragement. So please accept my hugs and Cheers Christine 😃
Comment from nancyjam
Wonderful interpretation of the picture. You
Add so many levels to the painting in you
Well rhymed stanzas.
Great rhyme and vivid imagery.
Nicely done.
Nancy
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
|
Wonderful interpretation of the picture. You
Add so many levels to the painting in you
Well rhymed stanzas.
Great rhyme and vivid imagery.
Nicely done.
Nancy
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Thanks so much Nancy for reading and reviewing my post for this challenge. I am stoked people have been so generous and supportive and really appreciate all feedback like this one .I am a bit of a rhyme and syllable tragic, so I am glad you though them well rhymed and nocely done Cheers friend Christine😃
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Christine
_ This is a wonderful story you've told.
_ You did a great job with this challenge, my friend.
_ Hope all is okay at your end.
_ Haven't seen much of you. Take care. (*<*)
_ How did you put the image into your work??
_ You should have been able to do it easily enough.
_ Did you?
1) download jpeg from my email onto your computer?
2) once downloaded to your computer
3) all you have to do is go inside your posting/edit page
4) click on == select from your computer ==
5) select photo you downloaded
6) then proceed as you do for all postings.
7) eezy peezy. (*<*)
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jacqueline // Jackie // Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
|
Hi, Christine
_ This is a wonderful story you've told.
_ You did a great job with this challenge, my friend.
_ Hope all is okay at your end.
_ Haven't seen much of you. Take care. (*<*)
_ How did you put the image into your work??
_ You should have been able to do it easily enough.
_ Did you?
1) download jpeg from my email onto your computer?
2) once downloaded to your computer
3) all you have to do is go inside your posting/edit page
4) click on == select from your computer ==
5) select photo you downloaded
6) then proceed as you do for all postings.
7) eezy peezy. (*<*)
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jacqueline // Jackie // Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
-
Hi Jax Thanks again for your lovely review for my poem for this challenge So glad you liked my story, Frieda just seemed to speak to me of her inner pain etc, so pleased you enjoyed this one.
I am afraid I have used my IPad for all my FS work so when I receive an image through email I have a little difficulty in downloading them so often have expanded the image and take a screen shot to send the image to my photo icon and then I select this when putting on a poem. hence my difficulty getting all the image on in this challenge.
I do have a LapTop and will try to do some poems on that in the future. I just need to have some time to sit and work it all out
I have had a bisy couple of weeks with everything at work and family so have been quiet re FS and still need to catch up on my messages and respond before it gets too out of hand. But all is well so thanks for asking.
I have enjoyed reading everyone's work and can't wait to read all the other posts for this challenge.
Had a busy day today a friends funeral 3 hours away so have had a big drive today and a little tired ( not getting old or anything LOL) so will keep going. Cheers Christine😃
-
-Wow--you are a busy lady.
-Sorry about the funeral. Always sad to lose friends/loved ones.
-Take care---glad you touched base. (*<*)
