The Conjurer, Part Five
Mounting mistrust40 total reviews
Comment from Rob Caudle
Bev,
The story continues to be well written and very intriguing. I am so pleased to see your pace continue to build the feeling of excitement. I like the fact the agents of Pasquale speak formal English its a nice touch. The flies line was great. Again another very well done piece. My only complaint is the same as always, I want to read the entire book in one setting.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2015
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Bev,
The story continues to be well written and very intriguing. I am so pleased to see your pace continue to build the feeling of excitement. I like the fact the agents of Pasquale speak formal English its a nice touch. The flies line was great. Again another very well done piece. My only complaint is the same as always, I want to read the entire book in one setting.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2015
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Aw, thanks so much, Rob. I so very much appreciate your support and encouragement. I wasn't sure it I was putting off the readers by delaying the face-face with Pasquale, but so far it's been okay with most of the readers. I got a little cheeky with this post. You probably noticed my new character who name is Carlos and who comes from Southern California. Much like our favorite friend, only he reputedly from Los Angeles. Thought I might have a little fun with the parallels.
Thanks for the great review. I only wish it wasn't for peanuts!
All the best,
Bev
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For you my friend i would read for less than peanuts. Your work is a pleasure to read and good luck in the booth with you other part three.
Rob
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I'm honored by your support, Rob. Thanks, again.
:) Bev
Comment from MLEaton
I've jumped into the middle of this story and find it intriguing. Generally I think it is well written, but there are times when the dialogue sounds laboured. Also, in my humble opinion, some of the sentences would be more effective if they were shortened or divided.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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I've jumped into the middle of this story and find it intriguing. Generally I think it is well written, but there are times when the dialogue sounds laboured. Also, in my humble opinion, some of the sentences would be more effective if they were shortened or divided.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Millibrad
I am impressed. Your gradual building of suspense kept my interest from beginning to end. I can sense the mixed emotions of your narrator as he grapples with the possible danger in his situation compared with his need to complete his mission. Great job.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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I am impressed. Your gradual building of suspense kept my interest from beginning to end. I can sense the mixed emotions of your narrator as he grapples with the possible danger in his situation compared with his need to complete his mission. Great job.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2015
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Thanks so much, Millibrad, for taking time to read this post. I really appreciate the generous and encouraging review!
:) Bev
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Very well written as your work always is, my friend. Interesting characters and situations make reading your writings enjoyable. Good work~Debbie
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Very well written as your work always is, my friend. Interesting characters and situations make reading your writings enjoyable. Good work~Debbie
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Hi, Debbie. Thanks so much for this most gracious review. I really appreciate your encouragement and support. Take care... Bev
Comment from robyn corum
WFD,
This was an excellently crafted story (or part of a story) and I enjoyed it immensely, although I am coming in late. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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WFD,
This was an excellently crafted story (or part of a story) and I enjoyed it immensely, although I am coming in late. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thank YOU, Robyn. I appreciate your gracious review!
:) Bev
Comment from ericawrites
This is a really good story,
holds the reader's attention from
beginning to end. Good character
portrayal, very descriptive prose.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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This is a really good story,
holds the reader's attention from
beginning to end. Good character
portrayal, very descriptive prose.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for taking time to read my post, erica. I appreciate your support and encouragement.
:) Bev
Comment from Joan E.
You always make us so curious about what is going to happen next in your stories. The reference to the Aztec ancestors having executed eighty thousand prisoners in four days was intriguing as was what made Puente know something was amiss with the truck. The plot thickens more... Cheers- Joan, from Kyoto
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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You always make us so curious about what is going to happen next in your stories. The reference to the Aztec ancestors having executed eighty thousand prisoners in four days was intriguing as was what made Puente know something was amiss with the truck. The plot thickens more... Cheers- Joan, from Kyoto
Comment Written 11-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2015
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Thanks for the great review, Joan. I appreciate your support and encouragement every much.
:) Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
"...like flies circling a picnic lunch..." or "Feeling like a classical musician struggling with the improvisational nuances..."- wonderful use of simile - just two of many you use throughout your writing, along with so many other tricks of the trade, like flawless pacing, plot action, rich and vivid description - for example:
(Your description of the kid at his door is something I'll probably remember forever!) "...skin appearing inadequate to the task of covering his facial bones..."
This is the thing about your writing that makes it so darn original and downright brilliant, my friend. This is so vivid I can 'see' that kid plainly in my mind. And your characters are always authentic, as if we know them personally, or have known someone like them...
As for dialogue? Always natural, completely unforced/expected because it fits so well within the plot - a riveting plot!
All in all, writing doesn't get any better, IMHO.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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"...like flies circling a picnic lunch..." or "Feeling like a classical musician struggling with the improvisational nuances..."- wonderful use of simile - just two of many you use throughout your writing, along with so many other tricks of the trade, like flawless pacing, plot action, rich and vivid description - for example:
(Your description of the kid at his door is something I'll probably remember forever!) "...skin appearing inadequate to the task of covering his facial bones..."
This is the thing about your writing that makes it so darn original and downright brilliant, my friend. This is so vivid I can 'see' that kid plainly in my mind. And your characters are always authentic, as if we know them personally, or have known someone like them...
As for dialogue? Always natural, completely unforced/expected because it fits so well within the plot - a riveting plot!
All in all, writing doesn't get any better, IMHO.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thanks so much, Dawn. You are so very kind and generous! I really appreciate that you've taken so much time with this review and how encouraging your words are for me. It's impossible to fully express how much it means to me! I'm really enjoying all my characters and want to continue to keep them real. Your words help me towards that goal.
Hugs, Bev
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I'm glad, Bev - I so enjoy reading your work! :)
Comment from Zue65
The story ended at a point when the story is really heating up. Well, the events as it progresses are definitely intriguing and Carlos, Puente and senor Pasquale , all seem to be shady characters which all the more made your story interesting. An excellent write.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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The story ended at a point when the story is really heating up. Well, the events as it progresses are definitely intriguing and Carlos, Puente and senor Pasquale , all seem to be shady characters which all the more made your story interesting. An excellent write.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Thanks so much for your review, Nassus. I appreciate your insights and support. Always good to know what resonates with the reader.
:) Bev
Comment from Tessa Kay
I'm just jumping in here, but loved reading this chapter. It's full of great writing and although I haven't read the earlier chapters, I'm already rooting for your character.
Very well done.
-appearing inadequate to the task of covering his facial bones - love that image. :)
-and expanded his elbows outward. - great body language. He's making himself look bigger and more important to go with the words.
-Gathering keys, wallet and phone, I finished by making sure - gerund for simultaneous action. Was wondering if it is suitable here. Is he gathering and finishing at the same time? Just a thought. Maybe use normal past tense 'I gathered'? (there was another one earlier as well, but was more possible to be simultaneous)
-Feeling like a classical musician struggling with the improvisational nuances of jazz, - lovely original simile and at the same time a hint at his interests. Great job. :)
- the way he lengthened his neck and held his head steady told me to back off for now. - body language interpreted by protagonist. Love it. :)
I'll be looking out for the next chapter. Enjoyed this chapter. :)
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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I'm just jumping in here, but loved reading this chapter. It's full of great writing and although I haven't read the earlier chapters, I'm already rooting for your character.
Very well done.
-appearing inadequate to the task of covering his facial bones - love that image. :)
-and expanded his elbows outward. - great body language. He's making himself look bigger and more important to go with the words.
-Gathering keys, wallet and phone, I finished by making sure - gerund for simultaneous action. Was wondering if it is suitable here. Is he gathering and finishing at the same time? Just a thought. Maybe use normal past tense 'I gathered'? (there was another one earlier as well, but was more possible to be simultaneous)
-Feeling like a classical musician struggling with the improvisational nuances of jazz, - lovely original simile and at the same time a hint at his interests. Great job. :)
- the way he lengthened his neck and held his head steady told me to back off for now. - body language interpreted by protagonist. Love it. :)
I'll be looking out for the next chapter. Enjoyed this chapter. :)
Comment Written 10-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2015
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Hi, Tessa Kay. Thank you so very much for this most gracious and encouraging review. I think you make a good point on that particular section of the story, so I've changed it. Thanks for that and the generosity of your rating.
:) Bev
