Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 336 "Garden of Paradise"Small and Specialty Poems
7 total reviews
Comment from snooker155
a wonderful lyricat calming and peaceful great for calming the mind of severe mental illness sufferers like me, thank you for this I can sleep peacefully now lots of love from William snooker155x
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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a wonderful lyricat calming and peaceful great for calming the mind of severe mental illness sufferers like me, thank you for this I can sleep peacefully now lots of love from William snooker155x
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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Thank you William. Sleep well.
Comment from Nosha17
Autumn is a most wonderful season with its tantalising colours in the forest and woods. Good descriptions and good use of rhyming. Lovely picture. faye
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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Autumn is a most wonderful season with its tantalising colours in the forest and woods. Good descriptions and good use of rhyming. Lovely picture. faye
Comment Written 09-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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Thank you Faye.
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi, Treischel,
"Garden of Paradise" is an excellent, beautiful poem with outstanding figurative language (autumn leaves change to blanket the ground); It maintains line syllable count at the expense of using a word not found on dictionary.com, "arrayment". The rhyme scheme could have been maintained using "raiment". I can see how most people in our culture would consider this an exceptional poem.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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Hi, Treischel,
"Garden of Paradise" is an excellent, beautiful poem with outstanding figurative language (autumn leaves change to blanket the ground); It maintains line syllable count at the expense of using a word not found on dictionary.com, "arrayment". The rhyme scheme could have been maintained using "raiment". I can see how most people in our culture would consider this an exceptional poem.
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2015
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Thank you Preston. I did construct the word properly using the word array as the core. But your thought is worth considering.
Comment from Pantygynt
I think you have actually improved the form by increasing the rhyme, but i did spot a glitch in the second stanza: "along the wooded trails"; that is six not five syllables. That definite article needs to take a powder. It is not doing anything usual except mucking up the syllable count and as a result the rhythm of the line.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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I think you have actually improved the form by increasing the rhyme, but i did spot a glitch in the second stanza: "along the wooded trails"; that is six not five syllables. That definite article needs to take a powder. It is not doing anything usual except mucking up the syllable count and as a result the rhythm of the line.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt. Good catch, will fix it.
Comment from ravenblack
I like your modified version , a lyrilion of a lyricat lol. I am not a creationist, but really far too many times we only see nature as a gift when it is arrayed in all of its splendor.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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I like your modified version , a lyrilion of a lyricat lol. I am not a creationist, but really far too many times we only see nature as a gift when it is arrayed in all of its splendor.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank raven back. So true.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
The wonder of autumn or fall, there is always something about it that makes us stand in awe. Your philosophy on why it is such a short season makes a little sense, because not even spring have as many wonders than autumn. Very well photographed. I don't like to complain, but the red background was a little harsh on my eyes, which made it a little difficult to read.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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The wonder of autumn or fall, there is always something about it that makes us stand in awe. Your philosophy on why it is such a short season makes a little sense, because not even spring have as many wonders than autumn. Very well photographed. I don't like to complain, but the red background was a little harsh on my eyes, which made it a little difficult to read.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much Sandra. Sorry about the color, but I tried hard to match those leaves.
Comment from I am Cat
LOL... You're on a roll with these LyriCats my dear Tom... and I absolutely love them!
So well done and I love the new modification... I must admit to wanting to change it up once or twice and my next post will show that i've modified the repeating lines as well as the ending lines myself within the form... I hope you like mine as well.
I think this works so well and i see that you've worked out the flow really well.
I've talked with a couple of free versers: (read: those who don't write to meter/usually) and have found that they find their normal speech patterns more closely resemble trochaic than iambic. Would you care to weigh in on this survey?
Mine, personally, are trochaic in nature.
What say you? (I find it interesting)
Very well done and so deserving of a six.
again, I"ll be saving this to my bookcase and hell, I wonder who I have to submit this to in order to get it recognized as a REAL poetic form? ;)
Would you know that information, dear man? ;)
Cat
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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LOL... You're on a roll with these LyriCats my dear Tom... and I absolutely love them!
So well done and I love the new modification... I must admit to wanting to change it up once or twice and my next post will show that i've modified the repeating lines as well as the ending lines myself within the form... I hope you like mine as well.
I think this works so well and i see that you've worked out the flow really well.
I've talked with a couple of free versers: (read: those who don't write to meter/usually) and have found that they find their normal speech patterns more closely resemble trochaic than iambic. Would you care to weigh in on this survey?
Mine, personally, are trochaic in nature.
What say you? (I find it interesting)
Very well done and so deserving of a six.
again, I"ll be saving this to my bookcase and hell, I wonder who I have to submit this to in order to get it recognized as a REAL poetic form? ;)
Would you know that information, dear man? ;)
Cat
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you Cat. I'm pleased you enjoyed my modification. I agree that iambic is not a natural pattern. Trochaic is closer because we usually end our sentences on the down beat rather that up. Your odd numbered syllable count precludes both. I think anapestic is the closest to normal speech.
