Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 333 "He Came Home"Small and Specialty Poems
12 total reviews
Comment from ciliverde
This is a very moving piece, and a wonderful tribute to those who lost their lives fighting for peace, and for those who lost loved ones.
The final section is particularly moving:
"The vast horizons
Are not what they guessed,
A gun salute, folded flag, and taps.
A son is at rest."
(and tears dropped down)
well done,
Carol
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
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This is a very moving piece, and a wonderful tribute to those who lost their lives fighting for peace, and for those who lost loved ones.
The final section is particularly moving:
"The vast horizons
Are not what they guessed,
A gun salute, folded flag, and taps.
A son is at rest."
(and tears dropped down)
well done,
Carol
Comment Written 06-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
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Thank you ciliverde.
Comment from lightink
Wow! That last line does have the impact of a gun salute with a large boom! Can't be ignored! The whole poem has a stark elegance. The repeat lines set the mood and create constancy in a very effective manner. I like how you customized the presentation, as well! Very well crafted piece!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
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Wow! That last line does have the impact of a gun salute with a large boom! Can't be ignored! The whole poem has a stark elegance. The repeat lines set the mood and create constancy in a very effective manner. I like how you customized the presentation, as well! Very well crafted piece!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2015
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Thank you light link. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Leineco
Deeply moving poem of honor and remembrance.
One cannot help but feel the pride and pain intermixed.
You do have one small syllable count problem (S2L6)
The warrior has worn, count to six :-(
a suggested fix might be
brave warrior worn
just a thought :-)
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Deeply moving poem of honor and remembrance.
One cannot help but feel the pride and pain intermixed.
You do have one small syllable count problem (S2L6)
The warrior has worn, count to six :-(
a suggested fix might be
brave warrior worn
just a thought :-)
Comment Written 01-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
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Thank you Lienco. You are right, but I pronounce it as 2 syllables, so that's the way I intended it. I'll add a note.
Comment from RYME4U
Very well written. This is timely and sad, too. The rhythm is good and the presentation is done in a very attractive way. This is an excellent contest entry
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Very well written. This is timely and sad, too. The rhythm is good and the presentation is done in a very attractive way. This is an excellent contest entry
Comment Written 08-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2015
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Thank you Ryme4U.
Comment from I am Cat
Wow, this is so beautifully done... this made me tear up and be so thankful it's not my sweet son. I'm so saddened when someone loses their son, daughter... husband, wife, friend.
My best friend's daughter lost her fiance' a few years back. He was one of the Navy Seals in the Chinook shoot down in Afghanistan in 2011, who lost his life. It was so sad. They still mourn him, and I see his face on their FB page, and am reminded of a life cut short. That's just ONE life... and there are so many more.
Your poem gets at that so eloquently and using this form with the utmost care and beauty, I might add. I absolutely love the way you've utilized it. Wow.
It's everything I had hoped would come out of the use of it.
Well done. Your repeated line of: A gun salute, folded flag, and taps... sets the stage for this ominous feeling of what is to come.
and this last stanza:
Now the pride of his parents
Is tattered and torn.
Gone now the promise
The day he was born.
The vast horizons
Are not what they guessed,
A gun salute, folded flag, and taps.
A son is at rest.
just rip out our hearts.
We are completely shattered along with you by the end.
Bravo/or Brava! Good luck in this contest, and I'd like to personally thank you for trying this form! I'm honored that you have, and that you've completely nailed it as well.
Thank you so much.
I'll be adding this to my bookcase, and if you aren't already my fan, adding you to that list.
Love and laughter to you
cat
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2015
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Wow, this is so beautifully done... this made me tear up and be so thankful it's not my sweet son. I'm so saddened when someone loses their son, daughter... husband, wife, friend.
My best friend's daughter lost her fiance' a few years back. He was one of the Navy Seals in the Chinook shoot down in Afghanistan in 2011, who lost his life. It was so sad. They still mourn him, and I see his face on their FB page, and am reminded of a life cut short. That's just ONE life... and there are so many more.
Your poem gets at that so eloquently and using this form with the utmost care and beauty, I might add. I absolutely love the way you've utilized it. Wow.
It's everything I had hoped would come out of the use of it.
Well done. Your repeated line of: A gun salute, folded flag, and taps... sets the stage for this ominous feeling of what is to come.
and this last stanza:
Now the pride of his parents
Is tattered and torn.
Gone now the promise
The day he was born.
The vast horizons
Are not what they guessed,
A gun salute, folded flag, and taps.
A son is at rest.
just rip out our hearts.
We are completely shattered along with you by the end.
Bravo/or Brava! Good luck in this contest, and I'd like to personally thank you for trying this form! I'm honored that you have, and that you've completely nailed it as well.
Thank you so much.
I'll be adding this to my bookcase, and if you aren't already my fan, adding you to that list.
Love and laughter to you
cat
Comment Written 07-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2015
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This is a most touching review. I appreciate your wonderful words, and will certainly check out your other work. Thank you for the encouragement,
Comment from RodG
It's difficult to find new ways to pay poetic tribute to our fallen heroes, but the Lyricat is a very appropriate format. I like how the poem gives us a panorama shot of the homecoming of ANY soldier and then zooms on a specific soldier's parents. The last stanza is very moving.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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It's difficult to find new ways to pay poetic tribute to our fallen heroes, but the Lyricat is a very appropriate format. I like how the poem gives us a panorama shot of the homecoming of ANY soldier and then zooms on a specific soldier's parents. The last stanza is very moving.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much RodG for you wonderful review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
LiriCat is getting popular, that is so cool. I published one a while ago, and I just finished my second one. It is a fan poem type. Yours is in good liricat shape. Well chosen words that evoke the emotion of soldiers' families who suffer so much. Good job!
Gypsy
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Hello :)
LiriCat is getting popular, that is so cool. I published one a while ago, and I just finished my second one. It is a fan poem type. Yours is in good liricat shape. Well chosen words that evoke the emotion of soldiers' families who suffer so much. Good job!
Gypsy
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you Gypsy. I look for yours.
Comment from LanceHill
Very nice Lyricat poem combined with veterans. It is a touching tribute that read well. Good luck with the contest. Thanks for sharing. God bless.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Very nice Lyricat poem combined with veterans. It is a touching tribute that read well. Good luck with the contest. Thanks for sharing. God bless.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much, LanceHill.
Comment from snooker155
A magnificent poem honouring our War Heroes especially those that never came back. A very moving tribute to the brave warriors of our lands putting their lives on the line to fight for king and land. Epic.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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A magnificent poem honouring our War Heroes especially those that never came back. A very moving tribute to the brave warriors of our lands putting their lives on the line to fight for king and land. Epic.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you snooker.
Comment from Unspoken94
I did my best to "audit" your poem and I think you've got a Lyricat. You also have crafted a wonderful Veteran's Day poem and illustrated it with those who have been devastated by our penchant to get involved in one war after another. Good luck in the contest. I will be voting. -Bill
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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I did my best to "audit" your poem and I think you've got a Lyricat. You also have crafted a wonderful Veteran's Day poem and illustrated it with those who have been devastated by our penchant to get involved in one war after another. Good luck in the contest. I will be voting. -Bill
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much Bill. I appreciate your audit and comments.
