Comment from mvbrooks

Excellent

Interesting poem. It seems to reflect what many "feel" -- that God is more present in our lives when we appreciate His gifts, like nature, then when we gather in a building. The poem seems to suggest that we find God in nature, and fill or replenish our hearts and souls.

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you MVbrooks. Yes, that's basically it.

Comment from Aiona

Excellent

Very nice entry, and follows the format of the Tri-Fall. The words flow without being forced. Except maybe one line, which falls within the 6-syllable, but when I read it, I wanted to read it as "is He in the wilderness" instead of "is He the wilderness."

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank Aiona, you count take it either way.

Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson

Excellent

I think the best place to find Him is in the heart. I know that is where He lives with me. I loved your poem. I wish you all the best in the contest. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you so much Darlene. I agree.

Comment from reconciled

Exceptional

No...with a lil' yes from my experience. Church is not the building but the body of believers. so you have to be very careful, in the sense ...well with all your senses, to make sure you place your trust with them whom daily strive to be His character...not wear it. Amen God is ...everywhere...all the time, anywhere. Great read. love michael

 Comment Written 27-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2015

Thank you Michael. I am very pleased by your response, and agree.

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

This is an interesting form and you have executed it well, including syllable count and rhyming pattern.

Your theme is thought provoking as you question where to find God. Strong conclusion.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015

Thank you w.j.debi.

Comment from SilentNinja2930

Excellent

This is a very peaceful poem that lets us know that God is always there for us. The poem has good flow and descriptive details. I wish you luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015

Thank you very much SilentNinja.

Comment from TallySally

Excellent

God is everywhere, but for most of us, God is wherever He found us.
Once we're found we begin to see He's in the whisper.
Good work and well written.
Good luck with this.
Relda

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Oct-2015

Thank you Relda. I love that whisper phrase. So true.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I enjoyed our poem. I like the background and white font. I like the artwork. Your poem flows well with a great message. Good job with the format.

I would change 1 thing.

still, I don't feel Elohim

extra syllable, typo, or ?

I believe you meant I don't feel him

Best wishes in the contest.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2015

Thank you Jannypan. I'll have to fix that count.

Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

I have never encountered a Tri-fall before. Not only is this a good example, but it is a testament of faith. Your poem begins with questions people have asked for ages: "Where is God today?" Through smooth lines and polished rhymes, you take the reader on a journey to discover God is within our hearts.

Thank you for sharing your probing response to this prompt.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2015

Thank you Sis Cat. I appreciate your valuable input.

Comment from MacMhuirich

Excellent

Wow, what an interesting poetry form, your rhyme and content are wonderful. I have enjoyed your work very much. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 24-Oct-2015

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reply by the author on 24-Oct-2015

Thank you John.