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Little Poems

Viewing comments for Chapter 313 "Hawk Eyes"
Small and Specialty Poems

11 total reviews 
Comment from Pantygynt
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This is a very effective form for a poem of this nature that focuses on certain attributes of bird or beast. I often think it strange that when we go in for these limited rhyme forms we often choose two that are very close. Here you have ...ise and ...iles, what we in Britain call assonance, where the vowel sound is the same but the consonants differ. I have done the same thing in the past. Is it conscious or subconscious and would it be more effective if we consciously went in a different direction? I am not sure about the answers to these questions and i would love to know your take on them.

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 21-Sep-2015
    Ypto ne it is mostly subconscious as I am concentrating on the sound, but some poems it is intentional.,mand then I delight in it.
Comment from poetadeu
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You have another fine pic to adorn your
work. The Hawk is a magnificent bird. I
get some clear views of the where I live.
Rare, but occasional. I was walking my
Russell Terrier this morning and saw a
black coyote in the old dried up pond
bed. I saw a kitten there near the old drain
and his mother cat up on the hill. He has
found his next meal, I am sure. Another
writing form to try out...Thanks!

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
    Thank you Joyce for the review and sharing your walk insights.
Comment from Dean Kuch
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"That stare fiercely beguiles.
It hides a surprise
of life's testing trials,
where the loser dies."
--Treischel

Quite a statement in stanza three, Tom--one which could conceivably be applied to the business, music, entertainment, or even advertising business.

Thank you also for once again introducing me to yet another form of poetic expressionism--the Quadrilew.

Good stuff!

~Dean

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
    Thank you Dean, I appreciate your comments and review.
reply by Dean Kuch on 20-Sep-2015
    You're welcome, Tom.
    ~Dean
Comment from seken58
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Congrats- another amazing style mastered to perfection.
A skilful hunter has been decribed perfectly .
The chosen line repeats are quite effective.
:-) Shirley

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
    Thank you very much Shirley.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
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this is an excellent write, treischel, you did an excellent job writing this quadrilew poem, I like the repeating lines and the information of the hawk. I enjoyed reading it

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
    Thank you so much sweetwoodjax.
Comment from ciliverde
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Very nicely done. What a fascinating type of poem - the quadrilew. I so love the poems that can follow a strict form like this and yet say so much about the subject. I love hawks too, they are very interesting to watch. There are a lot of beautiful, big hawks where I live in S. California.
Nice capture of your subject in the poem, and the photo.
-Carol

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2015
    Thank you Carol for coming by and providing a nice review.
Comment from I am Cat
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Hi Tom,
These guys scare me more than anything that flies the skies in Texas... The retailed hawk around here... I have a four pound Yorkie, and I have such a fear of one of these taking it away. I never let him go outside without me. EVER.

A little Maltese of my sister in law's disappeared several years ago... hawk, they think.

sorry... SQUIRREL! ;)

Great poem... scared me. :(
lol
Great rhymes throughout it.
beguiles
denials
miles
trials

well done! Great one...
(still scary) LOL
Cat

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
    Yes, small creatures beware. Thanks Cat. When I got my camera on him he just stared right back. It was intense as we played blink first.
Comment from rod007
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But what do men see in each other's eyes? They see what they feel and want to see. An astute man may see hypocrisy and hell. A hawk can see for miles, but men only see inches from their nose! Well done, Tom.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
    Thank you , so true.
Comment from flamingstar
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I think they're scary as hell. My friend almost lost her puppy two weeks ago to one who swooped down out of nowhere to grab a late breakfast of terrified terrier. Great children's poetry!

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 Comment Written 19-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
    Thank you flaming star. Like I said, Prey beware.
Comment from Joan E.
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You give new meaning to "hawk eyes"--we saw them on our recent trip and observe them in the adjacent canyon in Malibu, usually circling for prey. Thank you also for teaching us about the Quadrilew. I admired the repeats and alternating rhymes and the regular line pattern. Cheers and enjoy the remains of summer- Joan

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 Comment Written 19-Sep-2015


reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
    Thank you Joan. Happy fall.
reply by Joan E. on 19-Sep-2015
    Yep, I'm ready for fall--our summer is going out like a lion with another heatwave. -J